Little green men, greys, spacemen, the reptilians that sneak inside at night to piss your bed. Whatever you call them, for a long time now people have been captivated with tales of travelers from other worlds. Reports of extraterrestrial life exists varying from the unconvincing to the slightly less unconvincing.

With such questions of otherworldly beings plaguing the minds of people for so long, it seems it the mantle has fallen to me once more to smart brain my way through this and solve aliens once and for all.

To this end I have read through a staggering two reported alien sightings, and from my studies have drawn a shocking conclusion. Hang close to me friends, we’re in for a wild ride.

Case 1 - The Flatwoods Monster

In 1952 in the town of Flatwoods, West Virginia, USA, Earth, three boys said they saw some object streak down from the sky and crash into a field of a local farm. They told their mother, who accompanied them out this field alongside a member of the West Virginian National Guard. As the group crested a hill, they became aware of movement and a pulsing red light. Turning their torches into the woods they saw something that shocked them to their core.

A creature with a hood-like face, bright yellow eyes, and tiny, taloned hands. Now the obvious answer here is that they saw an owl perching on a tree (see below) and in their panicked minds filled in the blanks for them. Either way, they didn’t hang around long enough to find out.

“Oh wise one,” you cry, “Even one as intelligent as you cannot solve such a vast mystery on the back of one mere event.”

You are correct, which is why skimmed wikipedia read exhaustively about a second sighting.

Case 2 - The Hopkinsville Goblin

In 1955, five adults from a farm just outside Hopkinsville, Kentucky, USA, Earth, arrived at a police station requesting help. They claimed they had spent almost four hours fending off a number of yellow eyed, 2ft tall, horned creatures that had been peaking through the windows of their farmhouse. Seventeen police officers arrived at the scene of the battle, but found only evidence of the gunshots the terrified farmers had let off.

The great horned owl, is about 2ft tall, and has head plumage that resembles a pair of horns. They are found all over the Americas, and can get pretty aggressive if disturbed.

“It was owls all along?” you, a fool, ask.

You are blind to something much more sinister afoot.

Owls are not being mistaken for extraterrestrials. Owls are extraterrestrials.

What better way to scout Earth and pry for our weaknesses than to take loftily to the sky and observe from above. Is not a bird’s eye view essential for getting the lay of the land.

You worry that I am stretching too far, you worry that I am missing the obvious truth here. You doubt me.

Well I broke into the secretive Area 52 and I have found incontestable proof that I am right, and you are stinky.

I rest my case.

The question now, is what must be done. For all I know, there may be owls amongst us. The invasion may well have already begun. Perhaps by making you aware of this I have placed you all in danger.

Watch your back my friends, but also the sky.