Phantaloons

almost, almost, nevermind

lol, told you he’d go to coomer first. You owe me $60

Good idea, Reddit.

opens redreader

Trump: “So the oil is under the lithium? How does this work?”

I am weird therefore I am.

…Do parents have gender-neutral pronouns?
aside from you know… “parent”

Is that it? That’s all we have?

One less taken parking spot at Longhorn.

That’s my secret, Cap, I’m always outdated.

-Lineage User

–force

I’m antipedo, so we’re good.

"FOR THE LAST TIME, I am NOT a-

Now post the eldrich horror version.

We’re not only animals, we’re not even the smartest ones.

Our biggest mistake is thinking the rules of nature apply to all but us. Hubris killed the human.

This round, anyway.

phone rings

Normal person: “Who?”

Me: “Why?”

…exactly?

You wouldn’t want to mess up your best at a Wendy’s.

Throw the rich off a cliff and liquidate their assets and net worth. was a bit too harsh, but whatever we have to do.

deleted by creator

Why aren’t ours?

Ironically, the first place I heard about gays was church, tho?

Streisand the Streisand.

Avoid teh gays

“teh whats?!”

American: They used to hurl infants off cliffs back in the old days, and as far as I’m aware, fascism hasn’t changed much.

Anywhere else: Welfare

I’m on TOR, fuck it.

About six years ago, my boss at the time, who was also a close friend got fired by the asshat company we worked for. They gave me his job and a 25 cent raise.

I said “You’re joking? You ruin someone’s life and insult mine?” not in the best mood and sitting on $6k at the time

and the reply from them was it was all they could do. I played coy, thanked them anyway and waited.

One day, I got a call saying a big job was coming up, huge for the company, and that our site would be involved how lovely. The requirements were that I was to deliver a 26ft box truck to <redacted> and meet a group of contractors. They kept hyping up what a job it was and how much money it would make the company. At this point in time, I am the sole worker at my site, 300+ miles away from anyone at HQ or otherwise.

The night before, I turned my phone off and slept in, then woke up and started browsing indeed, I was hired as a service tech, same field with a $5 raise a week later.