The Internet appears to equivocate female dominance with a selfish, cruel, and controlling dominatrix figure. I’m sure it works well for people who are fascinated with power itself, but for me, I am interested in power only when it is used altruistically in the form of affectionate protection and care. I prefer something deeply humanizing, benevolent, and connected rather than something dehumanizing, malevolent, and disconnected.
EDIT: I’m also aware of the label “gentle femdom,” but from what I’ve seen in practice, much of the content under this label is the same kinds of power plays but less overtly cruel. In general, anything that restricts or denies pleasure or hints that the female partner is emotionally disconnected or taking advantage of the submissive partner is a huge turn-off for me. I’m looking for something that feels romantic and genuine. It would be nice if there was a label that specifically implied pure romantic connotations and excluded edgy “bad girl” behavior. What I’m looking for is more like, as someone commented, a golden retriever woman who’s confident and eager.
The hottest thing to me is a big cuddly woman spoiling her partner with affection and wrapping him up safe and snug with her body. She’s totally in control, but she’s devoting herself to her partner’s enjoyment and making him feel completely loved and protected. She’s effectively a protagonist, embodying strength, agency, and ultimate good.
And, I don’t know. I guess I was just expecting that to be more common. Perhaps this is just a product of the fact that most adult entertainment is produced for mass consumption and tends to focus more on the visuals and mechanics of sex instead of the emotional side of it. But that doesn’t explain the fact that there is tons of NSFW art for lots of different niches. So, I don’t really know.
What do you think? Have you observed these trends yourself? Do you have your own theory? Am I just bad at searching? Should I touch grass? I’d like to know your thoughts.
These are really good points. Sometimes the line between a supposedly submissive act and the kind of soft dominance I’m into gets really blurred, and my brain exploits this ambiguity by creating a soft dominant narrative for it. Combined with the association between dominance and aggression, it’s not clear that that “dominant” or “femdom” are good search terms for me to be using at all, because excluding it often leads to gentler dynamics. Often I find that what imagery I enjoy depends more on my subjective reinterpretation of it rather than what the creators originally intended for it to be.
By far the best I have is my own writing and imagination that convey the mood perfectly. That’s how I was able to figure out what I was even attracted to in the first place. And now I find myself alone on this little island asking, “Am I truly the only one like this? How is it possible that with all of the weird and wacky stuff on the Internet, something as simple as this is nowhere to be found?”