Zero times over my life.
I had great parents, who had a rule that I could just tell them any fuck ups and mistakes and they wouldn’t get angry and help me.
On the other hand, I was an incredibly boring teenager whose worst bad habits were staying up too late reading books in bed.
Same, never got searched. It was a shock when I got older and learned that some kids regularly had their rooms turned over. The idea had never occurred to me that this could even be a thing, because I always felt safe in my room and felt my ‘secrets’ were safe too - even if they were mostly harmless secrets.
I was also not a kid who caused much trouble however, and you might argue “well there’s the reason.”
That might be true, but i think it’s mostly the other way around.
The one time as an older child I actually did something pretty bad, my friends all got grounded by their parents, but I didn’t. My mum just looked me in the eyes after I’d confessed, and said “Don’t do that again” - and I felt so disappointed in myself that I knew I wouldn’t. I didn’t need to be grounded, because I loved my mother and cared what she thought, and the regret I felt in that moment was punishment enough.
If you ransack your kid’s room on the regular, you’ll only create a person who grows up to resent you, and learns to hide from you and lie to you. Everyone deserves a place they feel safe in, and is theirs, even children.
If you ransack your kid’s room on the regular, you’ll only create a person who grows up to resent you, and learns to hide from you and lie to you.
Can confirm.
My mother would do this when I was a teenager, pissed me off and made me a paranoid. It’s not normal and now I live 1500 km away from my parents, visiting them one time every 2 years just for the family obligation and saving face.
99% of the problems I’m trying to solve in therapy comes from my upbringing.
So yeah, not optimal situation, try to grow from this, learn to grow out of this situation.
All the fucking time. I hated it, and I have issues with trust now as an adult because of it. I’m super protective of my space, in so much that it takes a while to even let a partner in to my bedroom. My parents were constantly going through my things, looking for anything they could punish me for. I was raised super religious and they had it in their head that all teenagers hide porn, booze, and weed. When they never found any, they just looked more. It was a fucking nightmare. I moved out of there as soon as I could, literally into a closet where I slept next to the water heater. Anything to get out of that house.
It is not normal, and you need to have boundaries. The whole “it’s my house and my rules” is bullshit. You are a human being and should be treated like one.
It’s not normal.
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I can now discern the specific family member and their exact location relative to me just from the sound of their footsteps. Years of practice.
the risk of getting caught kinda adds to the experience though
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A few times but not often. Usually with the excuse of tidying my room but it was always done when I was out and without telling me.
Only my room though, they didn’t understand Linux so couldn’t really check devices for anything.
Never. I’m old and have an adult child. I never looked through their things either.
CSB: I bought a pellet gun from a friend in my early teens. My mother found it while putting laundry away. She thought it was a real gun and was very concerned. She talked to me about it and was very relieved after.
Never. They’re parents, not the police. As a long as I stayed out of trouble, they respected my space. When I was young they’d go through stuff, but that was more for cleaning the room (when I refused to).
Parents now have to be more involved with the “online” space and aware who their children are in contact with. There’s certainly boundaries that shouldn’t be crossed, the main thing is educating children about the dangers and go from there.
Parents now have to be more involved with the “online” space and aware who their children are in contact with
educating children about the dangers and go from there.
Good point, u/helpImTrappedOnline 👀
I never claimed my parents where good at the online part.
Never.
Wtf, that sounds really fucked up.
Edit, just to add: Both my parents also always knocked before entering, respected the answer “no” whenever I gave it (which, admittedly, wasn’t often) plus never expected an explanation why, and we cleaned/tidied our own rooms, did our own laundry, etc, so that excuse was also never used. And they never, ever touched my computer, opened my mail or went through my phone.
Is it possible they did it in secret when we were at school or something? Sure… I guess it’s possible, but I truly doubt it. It would go against their own principles and personalities.
My parents never really gave me the idea I had to keep many secrets from them anyway. They weren’t bigots, they weren’t religious, there weren’t really any taboos at all, so we could talk about anything and I was never severely punished for things. Sure, they’d get mad sometimes or disappointed, but I was never afraid of them. We could talk about anything. And even when they were mad, I knew I could go into my room and they wouldn’t barge in after me without my permission. Privacy was always respected.
They would barge into my room, without knocking, almost daily. Usually resulted in yelling matches… That was really fucking abusive looking back, it wasn’t the only shitty thing they did and I no longer talk to the fuckers.
Please take note, and good luck.
My mother would go through my things looking for reasons to get me in trouble. She’d go though my phone. It’s not normal. It’s not okay. Kids are entitled to privacy and all it did was make me better at hiding things, give me anxiety, and develop self-harm habits and an eating disorder.
Barging into my room and shouting at me etc., pretty much every day.
Almost never through my stuff though, as far as I know. Except one time where I went away for a bit and had ecchi print-outs ‘hidden’ in a drawer that had a key. And wen I came back it was all laid out across my room to shame me without ever talking about it :)This aspect is pitifully pathetic and cowardly parenting.
Very rarely, if ever.
The only time it is justifiable is if it’s either pre-agreed or if there is a threat to the child.
If there is reason to think they are being groomed, or used in some way, then yes. E.g. a room search after getting information that they are holding drugs for a dealer. They should be treated like a police search. Only done when there is real reason, rather than just fishing.
If it’s pre-agreed that a device isn’t private, then the rules change slightly. A younger child’s phone or computer should be subject to respectful monitoring. It should also be part of an open and equitable discussion on boundaries and rules. Even here, the goal should be to protect the child from dangers, not to snoop on what they are chatting with friends about beyond that.
Privacy, is an important thing for children. It needs to be provided with guard rails initially, but should be respected as best you can.
My dad would periodically go through things but not like deep searches as far as I could tell. Like opening a drawer but not digging around, or seeing if my computer was unlocked, etc. I was also allowed a door lock though so if I really cared I would have just locked them out but it was minor enough that it wasn’t worth the potential drama to me. The area I grew up though it was very very common for parents to do forensic level dives into their kids’ rooms. Several of the people I knew in high school their bedroom doors were removed entirely by their parents. I always found that to be a gross intrusion of privacy but the Mormons never batted an eye at it
Room, backpack, notebooks: never
Computer: It was a shared family computer, so I had no expectation of privacy
Phone: this was before personal phones
Books, CDs: Books and music and other media I brought home were subject to review, but pretty much only at the time I brought them home
