Genuinely realized in therapy that I had developed a trauma response of massive anxiety at my last job. Now I nearly have a panic attack when I make a mistake just waiting for someone to yell at me. Luckily this new place is much nicer :).
Same thing happened to me. I started going to therapy last year and got medication from a psychiatrist that mostly helps keep me from having constant panic attacks. Granted mine wasn’t just from my last job, but from a lifetime of harassment and just generally being treated like shit. I still remember breaking down cause I cut a frozen pizza not perfectly in half when I was a young teen. The other week I had a panic attack in front of my supervisor as he was explaining to me a policy I didn’t know about cause my brain was assured this was him holding back and not being able to fire me yet no matter how badly he wanted to. Those thoughts had no basis in reality cause I’m a good worker who goes out of his way to help others and keeps his head down (even got employee of the month), but anxiety doesn’t care. It thinks all that shit is fake and I only got it cause the panic attack made them feel bad.
Crazy the weird, fucked up things some places will do to their employees. One of my very first jobs, we got a little cubbyhole where they’d give us our paychecks or in-office notices and the thing I saw most of: What You Fucked Up Last Shift, You Big Fuckup
Glad you are working in a nicer place, and me too, and it sucks we’ll always carry that around.
Genuinely realized in therapy that I had developed a trauma response of massive anxiety at my last job. Now I nearly have a panic attack when I make a mistake just waiting for someone to yell at me. Luckily this new place is much nicer :).
Same thing happened to me. I started going to therapy last year and got medication from a psychiatrist that mostly helps keep me from having constant panic attacks. Granted mine wasn’t just from my last job, but from a lifetime of harassment and just generally being treated like shit. I still remember breaking down cause I cut a frozen pizza not perfectly in half when I was a young teen. The other week I had a panic attack in front of my supervisor as he was explaining to me a policy I didn’t know about cause my brain was assured this was him holding back and not being able to fire me yet no matter how badly he wanted to. Those thoughts had no basis in reality cause I’m a good worker who goes out of his way to help others and keeps his head down (even got employee of the month), but anxiety doesn’t care. It thinks all that shit is fake and I only got it cause the panic attack made them feel bad.
Crazy the weird, fucked up things some places will do to their employees. One of my very first jobs, we got a little cubbyhole where they’d give us our paychecks or in-office notices and the thing I saw most of: What You Fucked Up Last Shift, You Big Fuckup
Glad you are working in a nicer place, and me too, and it sucks we’ll always carry that around.