Not sure if this is a good post for casual conversation, but I think I figured out the source of my success and failures. Also, a disclaimer: I’m not a wise man. But at least I gained some wisdom recently.

Anyways, here it goes:
If you’re wondering where you are and where you’re headed in your life, I think this post might be for you.

Going with the flow is perfectly fine. Going with the flow and meeting challenges as they appear works. For the most part. They’ll allow you to learn as you go, and pick up new things as you experience them.

But they won’t take you anywhere new. At least not to something new that lasts. Something you could build upon.

And that’s the retrospective part. I’m technically “older” while (in my opinion, at least) being far from old. Just now I found myself looking back at my life, and started thinking about what was, what is, and things that never were but that could’ve been.

In short, I’m now at a place where I am reasonably content with who I am and what I do. But there were always these avenues that never came to fruition. And I think it’s because I mostly went with the flow my entire life. Because it made me happy there and then. And looking back, I have no regrets. It made me happy then, and it resulted in a lot of happy memories that required no personal investment beyond being present and submerging myself in whatever was going on around me.

And then there are the avenues that actually did result in something. These avenues, related to a career that is closely tied to my interest, turned out really fucking well. Earlier today I started wondering why. Why not any of these other interests that I have and once had?

Because what I currently do is built on the ONLY time where I actually gave a damn. Instead of just going with the flow, I pretty much decided. “No. I will chart my own path forward.”. Going with the flow is fine. But it never resulted in anything, simply because it never resulted in actively pursuing what I wanted out of life.

So the obvious question then is: What would’ve happened if I had started actively going after one of my other passions? Well, I don’t know. Maybe my life would’ve turned out completely different, there’s no way to tell, really. The only thing of which I am sure is that if I had been as active and proactive in all of my interests is that I would’ve probably burnt out 20 years ago.

So in conclusion… going with the flow and reacting to things rather than taking the initiative is fine. But you need to take the initiative at some point. Before it’s too late.

Do what you enjoy. Take one day at the time. And if someone tells you to “apply yourself.”, take a look around and evaluate whether you should in fact do so with what you’re doing, or if you should do so elsewhere.

I’m not sure if this rambling of a post makes sens, but if at least one person finds it helpful, then I’ve done what I set out to do.

Live long and prosper.