The number of examples I have seen of people being told to shut up about their lived experiences with sexual abuse in the past 24 hours on this platform is deeply disturbing.
I am calling on y’all to take a deep breath and listen to women for once. There is a time and place for tone policing and it’s never the very minute a woman speaks up.
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Bro I’m losing my mind. Everyone is talking about “picking the bear” and I can’t figure out what the hell any of it means 😭
Okay very basically this whole thing started with a hypothetical posed to a bunch of women about which they would rather run into while alone in the woods; A random man, or a bear. A lot of women chose the bear. Reasons varied from “The worst the bear will do is kill me,” to “At least I know the bear wants to kill me,” with a general theme seeming to be that whatever tangible threat the bear posed was preferable to the uncertainty of wondering whether or not a random man would assault them.
The poster’s stated goal with the hypothetical was to get men to think about why the women were choosing the bear. Instead a lot of guys took it as a personal attack, like they were being punished for the actions of other men. Many started attacking the question, insisting that bears are way more dangerous than virtually any man. This led to a lot of dismissive responses of the criticism like “This is why women choose the bear,” or talking about women’s safety being more important than men’s feelings.
I’m simplifying a lot but that’s the basic gist of it.
Thank you for the detailed summary.
To add the final unfortunate details, there was a recent discussion on Lemmy where women were sharing their reasons for choosing bear, which involved sharing personal stories of SA. Unfortunately, many men responded in a toxic manner, causing some women to delete their posts or accounts. Very disturbing and this is what inspired me to make this post, as it is quite reminiscent of the Catholic church sweeping SA under the rug.
I haven’t once seen that on this platform, you and I must travel very different communities.
happy for you man
I’m really glad I haven’t seen any posts like that here on Lemmy but that sounds really awful. :/
And I completely agree with your thought and intention but I still have to nitpick about:
There is a time and place for tone policing and it’s _never_ the very minute a woman speaks up.
Of course it’s not never. Just like with men, women are not infallible and can do shit.
I know you’re (hopefully) not literally meaning it like that, but I thought it’s still noteworthy.People “don’t want to listen” because the moment anyone speaks out against the generalizations, it becomes personal attacks against them. “you are part of the problem if you don’t immediately agree with everything I say.” That’s not to say that someone is not valid for the way they feel after experiencing something traumatic like SA and having hesitation associating with or being around men, but the accusations of being the problem towards people who are innocent make people not want to support you. It’s also very “only my feelings matter” when it starts sounding like I shouldn’t be anywhere in the remote vicinity of or exist because I might be making a woman uncomfortable.
Once when I was in high school I was in the classroom alone waiting for class to start, minding my own business and not paying any attention to anyone else. A girl walked in and told me that I looked like I wanted to kill her. I didn’t even look in her direction. How dare I be quiet and mind my own business, I made her feel uncomfortable.
It’s also funny that people are saying “y’all always have to make it about you, it’s not about you so what you think doesn’t matter.” Yeah how dare I have feelings and be offended that other people make generalizations about me and start saying I’m part of the problem.
Your comment is kind of funny because it’s definitely problematic in several ways. So I’m not surprised at all that you have heard from others before that you’re part of the problem. When enough people tell you that, then maybe you should do some selfcrit instead of continuing to victimblame women for experiencing sexism 🤷
It’s funny that you assumed that “enough people told me that” from one instance that this reminded me of. I didn’t victim blame them for experiencing sexism. I said that accusing innocent people who they’ve never interacted with and generalizing statements is ridiculous. Maybe be more specific on how my comment was “problematic” instead of some vague doublespeak.
as others have said the whole bear thing has really brought the losers out of the woods.
Fortunately, that was always the point. The hypothetical is stupid and makes no sense. But it really trips men up and exposes them as they rush to say “not all men” in a different way.
It’s clearly ragebait, but let’s be real here: the amount of accusations against men in general is astounding. Not the real, actual cases, but the implication that by virtue of being male I’m immediately accused of being a predator. And that’s just shitty.
I can understand that a lot of men feel very attacked by that, because a whole lot of men just try to be good people. This kind of ragebait is harmful, because it will definitely turn a bunch of men hostile towards anything feminism, since in their view, they can only lose. And that’s incredibly bad.
Any man who turns hostile to women because of a bear meme was hopeless to begin with. Feminism isn’t convincing sexist men to not be sexist, it’s educating and empowering women to stand up for themselves and stop accepting vile behaviour by vile men.
Look, the bear meme was annoying but understandable, but the way that people are immediately attempting to character assasinate anyone annoyed by it or attempting to have a nuanced discussion about it is pushing people away.
Gee, I wonder if there are other groups of people who have been painted with one brush. Perhaps the is a group that is assumed to be less skilled at STEM jobs. Or another group assumed to be more prone to criminal behavior. Wouldn’t that just be something? /s
We men, especially we white men, get a fraction of the same treatment women and minorities have been getting for hundreds of years and freak out over how unfair it is. And that’s an excuse to demand everyone use kid gloves when talking about these issues?
If you’re only doing the right thing because people recognize you for it, I suggest you may not really be doing the right thing. If you’re a good person, then you should understand why the average woman may show fear and caution when encountering an unknown man.
Things like the bear meme aren’t asking about YOU. When people say “I’d rather choose the bear than a man” they aren’t saying every man. Yes, the generalization stings when you think about it being applied to yourself. But if you truly understand the issues and the hypothetical you understand that the answer isn’t about you. It’s about what women have learned to expect when encountering a man they don’t already know well enough based on prior experience
So discrimination is okay if it hits the right people?
Again, an entire group is set out to be predators for no fault of their own.
I’m portrayed as a predator, because some idiots are, and I’m supposed to view that to reflect myself, because some other people are also treated badly? That doesn’t make sense. This is purely parroting the party line, chastising oneself what an evil counterrevolutionary one is.
No positive, but tons of new hostility. Awesome. That’ll take humanity in the right direction!
get fucking over yourself, youre what im talking about
I found the recent incel-ish responses on various Lemmy communities to the bear meme to be off-putting. Granted, it’s much worse on Reddit but I would have expected better on this platform.
i guess i wasn’t online when this bear meme happened? what was it about?
Removed by mod
According to the CDC, 1 in 3 women in the US have been victims of sexual harassment or assault. And honestly, given how underreported those sorts of stats are, it’s probably higher.
Another hypothetical question was posed to women a while ago: if all the men on the planet got whisked away (not killed, just sent to an awesome men-only vacation planet or something) for 48 hours, what would you do?
The answers were overwhelmingly things like ‘go for a walk at night’, ‘take a jog with my earbuds in’, ‘go to the gym’…
