The_HKP

I am in a similar boat to you on the hair/makeup/clothing front. For reasons that aren’t important here, I’ve never really worn makeup or been able to really do up my hair. My personal clothing preferences never left the 90s standards of jeans + graphic tees - which are very gender-neutral clothes. I don’t wear dresses, skirts, or heels because I don’t like them.

None of these choices makes me less of a woman. I am far too old to really give a shit anymore about society’s standards for what a woman is. I am a woman because that’s how I identify. Even if I don’t wear makeup. Even if I wear androgynous clothes.

I will be the first person to admit that I never had a line of men knocking at my door, but I had more men interested in me than I expected, and 100% their interest was in my confidence and my personality. I am happily married in spite of my style choices.

If you are wanting to get more into makeup, I can echo what other commenters here said about engaging folks at beauty places for help. Yes, they are ultimately sales people, but it’s because they are sales people that they have a vested interest in making sure you like how you look and can apply the products yourself. You’re not going to spend money on stuff you don’t want and don’t know how to use.

And for clothes, try stuff on and see how you like the look of yourself in them. All that matters here is what you think and how you feel wearing the clothes. Tons of women can rock some very nontraditional outfits and look amazing.

For cooking, I can recommend America’s Test Kitchen. You can probably find some of their cookbooks at the library. They are great about making recipes as simple as straightforward as possible while also telling you WHY they are doing xyz in the recipe.

All I can say for the relationship with your mother is that it sounds very complicated and well above my pay grade. If you have the means, I would recommend therapy to work through that relationship and maybe gain some self confidence on the way.

Bottom line: discover what you truly want for yourself and work towards those goals. Being a woman is whatever you want it to be.

A guy I used to work with had very similar symptoms just before he was diagnosed with Celiac’s Disease. You can always ask your doc to test for it. Simple blood draw.