Plush - Stone Temple Pilots. I kill with that one.

This was back in the late 90s before cell phones were common, and I didn’t happen to have a camera in my car at the time.

No one believes me, but I swear one time the store’s lights were fucky at a Roomstore location I was driving by, and it looked like Poonstore.

Never have I read finer poetry.

He shopped out his lips.

This is the only reason I still teach teenagers after 17 years, and I will not expound further.

And you simply must begin and end every sentence with uWu, obviously.

Wait a minute…using an RX modulator, I might be able to conduct the mainframe cell layer and hack the uplink to the download. It means with the right computer algorithm, I can hack you back in time, just like a time machine.

Straight dating online is like trying to find drinkable water in a crisis situation; women are stranded in the ocean, and men are stranded in the desert.

“Arizona toddler…died”

Brian Regan once equipped that he had taken a speed-reading course. “Since then, I can read 2000 words per minute. But…my comprehension’s plummeted.”

I only date women who do exactly what they want to do and not what society says they should do. As it happens, they generally don’t wear makeup every day.

“Oh…no, no, no honey, the steel foil hat doesn’t go with that outfit, try the gold one.”

I might end up studying to get a math/physics endorsement when I start teaching in Oregon next year. The district I’ll be teaching for has in their collective bargaining agreement that each teacher can request funds for certification exams, and they offer $1000 each year for postgraduate work, so why not? No district I’ve taught for in Texas offers anything like that.

I have been trying since January to get a teaching job in Portland (I live in Dallas) for the next academic year, and this week I was offered positions by two different school districts. This weekend, I have been working out which job to go with, I think I’mma go with the one that pays a little more, might be able to offer funds to offset relocation costs, and has less trafficky access to downtown and Vancouver (I have friends in North Portland and Vancouver.

So yeah…got that figured out; tomorrow I’ll be looking for an apartment, taking my kids to Terry Black’s for some world-class barbecue before Texas is forever in my rear-view mirror, doing some packing, and playing some THPS 1+2.

As someone with ASD, GAD, and MDD (all diagnosed if it matters), smart home devices are an essential service to me. I can quickly set redundant reminders to help me with personal routines, add stuff to my shopping and to-do lists, and quickly get my lights and music set to what I need them to be when I am experiencing an anxiety episode. I definitely understand that my data is good and harvested at this point, and I don’t trust them to have done anything good with it. But these dots have made my life work since I bought my first one, and they’ve significantly reduced the anxiety I used to be riddled with.

That’s a rock solid way to endanger your financial livelihood. I’d take a hard pass on that idea, my human.

I have a core memory of getting into my mom’s car on a rare day (which happened to be my birthday) that she picked me up instead of me taking the bus home. Sitting there on the passenger seat was a copy of Nintendo Power Issue #11 that my mom had grabbed out of the mailbox (she had just signed me and my brother up for a subscription, and this was the first issue to arrive). I didn’t have Super Mario Bros. 3 and wouldn’t get it for another year maybe, but to be able to read all about this game was just so thrilling for my 13-year-old self.

Yeah, that’s not a great plot; one might even go as far as to say that it’s so bad.

I remember when the N64 came out. I was an assistant manager, so when we got a couple of N64 rental units, I commandeered one of them that first day and played the fuck out of Mario and Wave Race.

I remember working at Blockbuster when they pulled that. It was called “No More Late Fees”. No late fees ever, return your video whenever you’d like¹!

¹ If not returned after two weeks, we assume you wanted to buy it for the current full retail price and charge your credit card on file accordingly.