The Proud Boys have an initiation ritual where new members are beaten by the group until they can recite the names of five different breakfast cereals.
Obviously this frat-boy shit is dumb, but if you had to figure out if someone was a real American or a spy, this would be an excellent way to do it.
Like if someone said “I eat musli” or “I like grape nuts” you could go ahead and shoot the spy.
Grape nuts was one of the first American cereals
Yeah and everyone who ever ate it was like “oh god, no” and immediately came out with a better cereal.
Like corn flakes. Itty bitty tortilla chips make a better cereal than fucking grape nuts.
You can go fuck yourself because they are great on their own or mixed in yogurt.
Lol I actually do like them with honey. Oh and honey bunches of oats is just corn flakes with granola, that’s good too.
Corn flakes were famously invented to discourage fucking one’s self.
Found the spy!
Quick, somebody shoot 'em!
Corn Flakes were invented independently by one of weirdest people ever.
“Weird” feels like such a mild way to describe John Harvey Kellogg.
Corn Flakes were invented to intentionally be so soul-crushingly bland it would destroy your urge to masturbate.
I didn’t say it wasn’t American, I said it’s not American to eat it. No American has ever purchased, much less consumed grape nuts. They don’t even put the product in the boxes anymore. Just some led shot and asbestos to give it weight and they change out the box design every once in a while. They’ve been doing this since the 80s, it has to remain on the shelves to satisfy the terms of a demonic contract.
Before that, Grape Nuts was funded by the dentist lobby hoping to cash in on all those broken teeth. But nobody ever bought any and the dentists gave up.
It was in my house growing up quite a few times. Granted, my mom is Mexican but my dad was white/American. They both loved that shit.
I was born in California to parents born in New Jersey and Illinois, have been an American citizen since birth, and have bought and eaten Grape-Nuts multiple times.
I meant it in a way that implies Americans love American things. Compared to muesli, which sounds like some European stuff.
Grape nuts and muslix are delicious. You unwash philistine.
Grape Nuts fuck
Poor steve1989
See I have to believe at least some of this shit was because the leader of that group was a federal informant. This is the kind of thing the FBI agents in Ms Congeniality would think is funny.
Coco Pops, Special K, Bran Flakes, Cornflakes, err…
Lucky Charms. Phew.
Also, what?
You have Cocoa Puffs and Corn Pops combined, I’m going to give you 2 points for that.
Very kind of you, but I can’t take credit, Coco Pops are a cereal in the UK.
Well, damn. You’re right. I must rescind the point distribution.
Coco Pops are just African American Rice Krispies
Congrats, you’re now a Proud Boy!
Can I “join” and not name any cereals just to beat the fuck out of a bunch of proud boys?
I thought you only had to join if you can’t beat them.
- Cheerios
- Honey nut cheerios
- Frosted Cheerios
- Chocolate Cheerios
And…
Uh…
Hmm…
The uh…
The one with the umm…
Errr…
I was raised in peak cereal advertising. I can spout off like 10 based on mascots alone.
Does it count if you’re old and all the cereals you remember still have “sugar” in the name?
I know Kellogg’s is trying to fix their image since more people became aware of the anti-masturbation thing but this is not a good sponsorship deal to do that
waht?
Oh boy you are in for a treat. Essentially John Harvey Kellogg was really against masturbation or sex of any kind (He and his wife had separate bedrooms and it is believed he spent their honeymoon writing.) and thought the secret to a good life was eating plain food and good posture.
https://archive.org/details/plainfaorold00kell/page/236/mode/2up https://archive.org/details/plainfaorold00kell/page/302/mode/2up
Captain Crunch
Peanut Butter Crunch
Crunchberries
Oops All Berries
…crap
If cinnamon toast crunch isn’t one of the 5 you’re definitely not getting in.
*Froot Loops
Breakfast cereals? That’s pathetically weird.
Dammit I’m going to be thinking about this for ages, is this to prove you were lower middle class? Like to make sure they were raised on the same “Saturday morning cartoon” upbringing? To see if they only name “Great Value” brand alternatives? To make sure they weren’t raised on croissants?
I know I’m giving the Proud Boys far too much credit, but I really thought they only check that you get an erection while reciting the pledge of allegiance.
I think it’s more about making sure you can handle yourself under pressure. When there’s multiple guys actively beating the shit out of you, can you still focus on naming the cereals? Or does panic take over and your brain stops working after you only have a chance to name 3? I guess it makes sense that a group of domestic terrorists would want someone that can keep their head on straight when shit hits the fan. Still dumb tho.
ProNutro, Weetbix, Maltabella, Jungle Oats, Otees.
Five cereals that Proud Boys have probably never heard of.
What
What are they doing to Old black man?
He’s just trying to nap
That’s weird
