“this simple meal only requires about 5 minutes of prep work”
Proceeds* to list off atleast half an hours worth of shit to do prior to cooking
This is my kind of simple.
Step 1: Unwrap processed cheese slice and put in mouth. Repeat as necessary.
You’re spending time unwrapping? I refuse to buy the individually wrapped ones because that’s way too much work.
I just eat the wrapper.
[Camera fade in on a full-body shot of me standing in my kitchen, my hands tented smartly in front of me.]
Hi everyone, welcome back to my food channel. You don’t want to cook a full balanced meal every night, sometimes you just want something quick! So today I wanted to show everyone my go-to lazy meal.
[I rip open a bag of semi-sweet chocolate chips with my teeth and just start pouring them vertically into my mouth. Many of the chocolate chips do not go into my mouth, they just fall straight down, bouncing off the floor and out of frame. Some get caught in the folds of my clothing, occasionally rolling off onto the floor and bouncing out of frame. Most unsettling are the ones that fall into my mouth and then are carried out again by their own chaotic momentum, covered in microscopic flecks of my saliva, sticking to my shirt or splattering on the floor.]
[This continues for much longer than you’d think, as I empty the entire 1-pound bag without stopping.]
[I release the empty plastic bag, which drifts to the floor. The camera zooms in on my eyes, where tears are just starting to be visible. Fade out.]
I got this great lazy spaghetti snack recipe.
- Take out some pieces of spaghetti from the box.
- Eat it.
Italians would like to know your location
Italians are the laziest cooks. They took half their culinary tradition from Asia, and the other half from America.
New theory dropped, Italian cuisine is actually American (?)
America as in the Americas. Tomatoes came to Europe after Columbus.
Saying Italian cuisine is American because they use tomatoes… Is like saying American cuisine is indo-europ-africa-asian because they use pigs, cows and wheat.
Being a bachelor, I often chop an onion and end up with like 4 or 5 meals worth of onion chops, so a lot of “lazy meals” are “get some chopped onion out of the fridge.”
How much onion do you use per meal? I feel like I may be using too many, since everything in a grocery store that is sold in bundles or bags, is too much for me and it would likely go bad before I can eat it all, but onions (and plain yoghurt) are the exception. A 10 kg bag of onions lasts a week or less when feeding only myself.
Even when making larger batches of french onion soup, I don’t think I’ve ever eaten 10 kilograms of onions in a week.
