Satirical news outlet purchases media platform run by Alex Jones at a court-ordered auction

Here’s Why I Decided To Buy ‘InfoWars’ By Bryce P. Tetraeder, Global Tetrahedron CEO ☞ https://theonion.com/heres-why-i-decided-to-buy-infowars/

And let me say, I really do see it as a family. Much like family members, our brands are abstract nodes of wealth, interchangeable assets for their patriarch to absorb and discard according to the opaque whims of the market. And just like family members, our brands regard one another with mutual suspicion and malice.

🤣

  • chiliedogg@lemmy.worldEnglish
    1361·
    8 hours ago

    They should harness the crazy for good. Make conspiracy theory-sounding stories, but make them factual and get people to take positive action.

    “They created chemicals you can inject into the bloodstream that keeps them from getting the Measels.”

    “The overlords in their golden towers want to tell you who you are and aren’t allowed to love.”

    • captainlezbian@lemmy.worldEnglish
      17·
      5 hours ago

      The vaccine one would probably be better as: “independent thinking researchers developed a means of using your own body’s immune response to prevent diseases with a mere injection. Some of them even refused to patent it. But then the media started lying to you about them, trying to get you to stop accepting these miracles? Why, just so some companies could make more money selling you proprietary snake oil to keep you comfortable while you’re sick.”

    • dirthawker0@lemmy.worldEnglish
      5·
      5 hours ago

      I’m totally for this and I bet it would work, too. We’ve seen the level of ignorance that went into how people chose to vote. If OnionWars puts up those kinds of stories, along with the occasional article declaring Jones actually still owns InfoWarts and any news stating otherwise is fake, they could ease these nutjobs back to sanity.

  • zephorah@lemm.eeEnglish
    121·
    9 hours ago

    The funniest piece is going to be seeing old followers believe it’s still the InfoWars they know and love. It took forever for people to stop eating the onion in large numbers, and it still manages to happen on occasion.

    There is opportunity here. Initially, anyway.

  • zarkanian@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
    192·
    10 hours ago

    My favorite part of this:

    …Collins said that “part of the reason we did bought InfoWars is because people on Bluesky told us it would be funny to buy InfoWars” adding that “those people were right” this “is the funniest thing that has ever happened”.

    • dejected_warp_core@lemmy.worldEnglish
      75·
      9 hours ago

      That also sounds like the kind of prank that Cards Against Humanity would pull if they had access to as much cash. I love this so much.

  • schnurrito@discuss.tchncs.deEnglish
    9·
    6 hours ago

    Wait, what? Which parts of this are satire now? I read the Onion piece that Global Tetrahedron was purchasing InfoWars, but this is a Guardian story saying The Onion is purchasing it? I’m a bit confused.

    • Woovie@lemmy.worldEnglish
      1·
      2 hours ago

      ben also replied saying he’d hold it for knowledge fight, so there’s an incredible chance we might see knowledge fight use it at some point.

  • masquenox@lemmy.worldEnglish
    26·
    8 hours ago

    They should send Alex Jones a $1 “royalty” check every month - just so that he doesn’t forget it.

  • qyron@sopuli.xyzEnglish
    43·
    10 hours ago

    This is what I call a master class on starting a soft revolution: you take over a symbol of the opposite ideology, in the most outrageous and ridiculous way, make it known to all, and completely subvert it and deconstruct it, piece by piece, until it stops making any sense to its former self.

  • latenightnoir@lemmy.worldEnglish
    196·
    12 hours ago

    Honestly, considering how much of a clown Alex Jones was, they have their work cut out for them if they want to compete at comedic levels!

    Either way, this may be the best news I’ve heard all year, thank you!

    • hamsterkill@lemmy.sdf.orgEnglish
      89·
      11 hours ago

      I wonder if this gives them the rights to all of Infowars’ library of footage. Maybe they could “keep” Jones as a host by cutting up old clips kinda how South Park did with Isaac Hayes for Chef’s last episode.

      • Joeffect@lemmy.worldEnglish
        48·
        10 hours ago

        Up for grabs at the auction were Infowars production rights and materials, the Infowars store, domain names, production equipment and other assets — including a Terradyne armored truck and a Winnebago motor home — that can be purchased in their entirety or in parts, according to the firm, ThreeSixty Asset Advisors. Jones broadcasts from the Austin, Texas, area.

      • nova_ad_vitum@lemmy.caEnglish
        13·
        4 hours ago

        I hope they own Jones’ likeness to the point where they can give DJs the rights to remix his shouts into something of value.

  • JoYo@lemmy.mlEnglish
    591·
    10 hours ago

    Through it all, InfoWars has shown an unswerving commitment to manufacturing anger and radicalizing the most vulnerable members of society—values that resonate deeply with all of us at Global Tetrahedron.

  • JoYo@lemmy.mlEnglish
    27·
    9 hours ago

    im sorry but the owner’s name is tim onion. please publish a correction.