Also thanks for letting me ramble. I tend to get excited when I seem to be helping in some way so I’m trying to keep it together but may go off a little.
I enjoy discourse of most kinds so the pleasure is mine as well.
And hey, if you’re nailing it 95% of the time those are excellent numbers with so much wiggle room! You can be waaaaaaay weirder with numbers like that, and it shows me that you have a strong ability to read the room and measure your response to things.
Yeah but, those 5% moments can be ruinous… I still remember one particular Halloween party. The kind of memory that keeps one up at night.
Many times its just me breaking and being clearly either grumpy (sick of people) or smell of lonely neediness. Or I’ll mentally short circuit and say something way overly blunt/irrelevant/obsessive. All can just make me legitimately unlikable and maybe deserving of the label. Its not like “fun zany autistic” moments.
So imagine a super charismatic type just suddenly breaking character after something slightly socially unexpected and outwardly presenting as a lizard person or android following that.
I get what you mean. You get so used to doing it that you basically no longer have evidence for things being ok when you don’t. I kept a note going every day for a whole year writing down stuff that happened; It was like a journal but focused on working on this stuff and I was so surprised to find how much I was expecting to write “and then it all fell apart” but finding that when it came time to write it down I just couldn’t actually come up with examples. I’m not saying you have to journal, but food for thought.
Yeah I might start doing little journals on my phone. I started using an open source note taking app, Logseq and thought maybe be one of the uses for that. I just need to create a template or something for that I think.
I hear ya on the suddenly being grumpy thing. When it happens to me I’ve started going “sorry, I’m just a little turned around by [thing]”. I remember one time almost exactly a year ago at my friends’ place where I was feeling kinda weird so I went and did the dishes. One of my friends broke off and came over like “hey! Guests don’t do dishes!”(he wanted to be a good host and was worried that I had felt obligated to help). I told him that really I just needed a quiet moment and to feel useful more than anything and it was all chill. The more I’ve gotten used to just saying I’m off balance/feeling funky/a bit ramped up/whatever else the more I’ve been able to feel safe closer to the edge of those feelings. Hell, there are times with the right people where I even feel ok if I need to be in the “danger zone” because there will be a safety line. If your friends don’t let you take a break then that’s on them, not you.
Any kinda note works! Mine was just in the notes app on my phone but whatever lets you most easily start writing is the way to go. Could be that app function, could be a scheduled time or allowing yourself to enter stuff as the day goes on, a mix, whatever. Also Logseq looks cool, I may have to grab that and try it out!
I enjoy discourse of most kinds so the pleasure is mine as well.
Yeah but, those 5% moments can be ruinous… I still remember one particular Halloween party. The kind of memory that keeps one up at night.
Many times its just me breaking and being clearly either grumpy (sick of people) or smell of lonely neediness. Or I’ll mentally short circuit and say something way overly blunt/irrelevant/obsessive. All can just make me legitimately unlikable and maybe deserving of the label. Its not like “fun zany autistic” moments.
So imagine a super charismatic type just suddenly breaking character after something slightly socially unexpected and outwardly presenting as a lizard person or android following that.
Yeah I might start doing little journals on my phone. I started using an open source note taking app, Logseq and thought maybe be one of the uses for that. I just need to create a template or something for that I think.
Halloween party sounds like a time haha
I hear ya on the suddenly being grumpy thing. When it happens to me I’ve started going “sorry, I’m just a little turned around by [thing]”. I remember one time almost exactly a year ago at my friends’ place where I was feeling kinda weird so I went and did the dishes. One of my friends broke off and came over like “hey! Guests don’t do dishes!”(he wanted to be a good host and was worried that I had felt obligated to help). I told him that really I just needed a quiet moment and to feel useful more than anything and it was all chill. The more I’ve gotten used to just saying I’m off balance/feeling funky/a bit ramped up/whatever else the more I’ve been able to feel safe closer to the edge of those feelings. Hell, there are times with the right people where I even feel ok if I need to be in the “danger zone” because there will be a safety line. If your friends don’t let you take a break then that’s on them, not you.
Any kinda note works! Mine was just in the notes app on my phone but whatever lets you most easily start writing is the way to go. Could be that app function, could be a scheduled time or allowing yourself to enter stuff as the day goes on, a mix, whatever. Also Logseq looks cool, I may have to grab that and try it out!