Not that it matters now, but I’m curious. I don’t know if I was popular. I had a lot of friends in middle school and I would say I did in high school too, but a lot less people knew me as the middle school I went to was smaller.
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When I first entered high school I wanted to be popular; I associated with all the “cool” kids and even started a half-fake relationship with one of the popular girls. For some reason, one day they all just turned on me and continued bullying me heavily throughout high school…
I’m actually glad it happened, though. All of those “cool” kids were, how do I put this… fucking morons. A bunch of them were literal drug dealers.
Nope. I was the satellite friend. I orbit around other people’s friendships and made no effort to foster my own.
I went to a private elementary school where I was pretty picked on. One of my parents grew up poor and was an immigrant, the other grew up poor and rural, so neither really understood why I had a hard time socially in a suburban private school with mostly wealthy kids.They didn’t know how to help.
I transferred to a public middle school where I was neither popular nor unpopular. My elementary years taught me to avoid relationships so I just tried to blend in and keep things very surface level with other kids. I had no close friends but I was not being picked on.
In high school I developed a couple of closer friendships, but I would not say that I ever completely let my guard down. Like middle school, I wasn’t really picked on but I was certainly not one of the popular kids. I did let myself join athletics so I developed more self confidence, but social relationships were still superficial.
I’m now in my 40s and have been confronting myself about the fact that other than my wife and kids, I’ve not let myself have too many close relationships. I know it was self protective, but it also kept me isolated. My wife cannot and should not be the one person who meets all my needs.
I’m putting myself out there a bit more but man is it hard to make new friends at this age. Better late than never I guess.
Seems a lot of us learned to avoid relationships. School isn’t really a good place for socialization
Bingo bango. I seethe inside when I hear people talking about forming friendships and smoothly sailing around in social situations, telling others to just be themselves and be happy. The majority of them could never even comprehend what true bullying is. That shit affects you for life, and you’d be lucky if you ever get someone close enough to be able to be open again.
The fact that schools are fertile ground for this type of abuse isn’t talked about enough. It’s only good because it’s the only option left where large numbers of kids gather in one place. If school sucks for you the internet is your only other option
Exactly! You said it. Just because you stick a bunch of kids together for hours on end does not mean they will become friends. Some do but many of these relationships would not happen outside of a school setting, same as friends from work enviroments I guess. Some friendships can be formed IMO if the school/work setting bond can be translated/migrate to other settings. For example, I now have friends who started as clients of teachers or whatever and our relationship has many different layers and tendrils. I like that.
I have one friend with whom I just celebrated 25 years of friendship with and we have been through ot all: Family deaths, marriages, having kids, getting jobs, losing jobs, moving countries, etc. And we could not be more different from each other if we tried lol. What I am trying to say is that making friends is not for the weak and I applaud you for putting yourself out there as scary or stupid it can feel sometimes.
Schools also make a lot of structural decitions that make genuine socialization harder
Absolutely.
Hey I applaud you for putting yourself out there!
I think the fact that you’ve managed to marry and have kids is fantastic. It’s a big social hurtle that a lot of hermits never end up making it with, so you should be very proud of yourself for being vulnerable with another human being like that.
Tbh, I think over time that it ends up quite normal for people as they age to really just have their spouse and kids as their main “friends” without many others externally. So I think you’re doing pretty good on the weirdness and socialization scales haha.
But yeah I totally get you wanting to allow your wife a breather and have some other buddies to share the “social burden” with (I don’t mean it negatively, just not sure how to phrase it).
Best of luck to you!
Lol no. Well until I got attractive and funny in high school
I was liked amongst the nerds and band people. Outside of that nobody knew me. I’m fine with that.
From kindergarten through high school I was always adjacent to popularity but never popular. I got along with all the subgroups, which was convenient since I never really had to worry about being a target.
I was popular in primary school. Then, in High School I hung out with friends who were into Dr Who and nerdy stuff, because I knew and liked them and could never play the social status game by just cutting them off to be cool.
Four years in, when i was about 15, one of the jocks decided that we were gay (which was social death in the early 90s in rural Scotland), so my status plummeted even further.
That summer, at 16, I got drunk and had sex with a girl, which was something we both regretted. The rumour got out and that seemd to elevate me, socially. By this point me and my friends were big into Nirvana and had formed our own little clique of stoners so the jocks left us alone.
I look back on it all with some regret. I wish I’d been more confident. I would have liked to have been involved in team sports and activities that I was drawn to, but my friends derided.
My understanding is that these days kids are less socially segregated and you’ll find nerds doing physical stuff and jocks trying to be academic. Dunno if that’s true, but it sounds like progress.
It was really university that changed me. I left the small town and found people outside that tiny place to be friendlier, and I grew in confidence.
Looking back, I think the socially harder times in school made me who I am. I’m fairly resilient and find it easier than my colleagues to communicate with others and find common ground. It was a baptism of fire and I was miserable through my teens, but now life is pretty manageable.
Definitely not.
My mental issues developed at around middle school age for reasons totally unknown to me. I stopped talking to most people and had extreme social anxiety. I couldn’t relate to my peers, didn’t know how to speak to them, and had extreme fears of what they thought of me. I never fit into the mold of a stereotypical girl who was feminine and I never knew how to or was interested in figuring out how to look presentable/stylish like other girls would. I never developed an attraction to the opposite (or even same) sex, which was confusing and felt slightly alienating to be different from everyone. I would chant berating words to myself in my head for some reason all day when walking between classes. I pushed away the one friend I had like an asshole because I was afraid of social ramifications.
In late middle school/early high school, I discovered that there were communities of people online. I felt extremely comfortable communicating there (text only…was never comfortable with voice), and I credit those communities with helping my sanity for loneliness and also teaching me about how to communicate with others.
But I never really learned to make friends in person. Occasionally, someone in high school would try to befriend me but I literally did not catch on. Behavior like people randomly wanting to sit next to me or chat with me confused me. It is only after the fact that I realized they were trying to befriend me.
I have no idea why that happened with me. I was never bullied.
There was a group of girls that I grew up with that eventually shut me out which was very hurtful, but I don’t know that it really happened before I got all weird to trigger it. I think when I got weird, they noticed and shut me out.
Some of us just ended up crazy for no discernible reason I guess.
I get that puberty can be a rough time for everyone, but I didn’t really notice other peers having the same degree of social impairment as me. My siblings growing up did not either. I actually asked my mom not to have a graduation party for me (because I didn’t have any friends but I didn’t tell her that).
I’m in my 30s and still interact primarily online, but I would say I am significantly more adept and comfortable at interacting with others in person. In a work environment, I am totally comfortable and confident. In a party environment for example, I freak out.
I’m kinda envious of your username
Thanks! It’s because I’m so cool and popular! ;)
I was liked by most of the students, but I wasn’t Miss popular. I basically stuck with my own friends group. My school was small, so it really didn’t matter.
nope. i have various disorders, including autism, making my “friends” think i was incredibly stupid and had the intelligence of an animal. i was bullied, had rumors spread about me, and all sorts of things happened.
THOSE WERE NOT FRIENDS
Man, I’m sorry :((
lolno. I was teased relentlessly. My parents did nothing to stop it either. They could have home schooled me or changed schools or whatever. But nope. Did nothing
God no. I was very socially awkward. Funny enough though I was a bit of a clown and did a few funny things in front of some people and ended up being known as the “funny guy”. But people would just come up to me and ask me to say something funny, and I never had any idea what to say.
In highschool I was popular in the literal sense, that I was well liked by most. I was a nerd by the hollywood definition. Middleschool was hell
no, i was more of the silent dumb kid
Hell no, I was far more popular out of school, I went to a small private school and was the poor kid there. I was also mentally ill and and addict, so at a Christian school I was reviled. However in my neighborhood and other areas I was well liked and did well socially.
Now I’m sober, and mentally stable and would say I’m popular within our recovery community
