I learned what non violent communication is a day ago and I’m using it to mend a friendship.
Have you however used it at the workplace?
I find it unpractical: there are so many things to do at the workplace and the last thing stressed people with deadlines need is to have a conversation about feelings, but maybe I’m wrong?
A question for nurses working bedside: do you actually use non violent communication at your ward with your patients and actually have time to do your other duties, like charting, preparing infusions and meds, dealing with providers, insurance, the alcoholic who fights you, the demented one who constantly tries to leave the unit, the one who wants to leave ama (against medical advice)?
Not to nitpick, but a dictionary definition has no bearing. When I have more time I could share part of the scientific literature on violence that has a more integral and exhaustive definition. For example: in psychology we differentiate between violence and aggression. Violence being the umbrella term, and aggression—the specific acts of physical violence, and further we add extreme aggression.
On this point:
And they are not. No one is proposing that. Again, it is a strawman of your own creation.
Just to point out. This trivialization that you fear, does not happen. But the trivialization of victim’s experiences because they didn’t suffer “actual” violence, is widespread and happens all the time.
EDIT: I offer you the following articles on the complexities of working with the topic of violence. There’s a nice discussion about the cultural, sociological, methodological and ethical challenges of defining violence. But this is, I think, a nice opening for where I’m coming from (emphasis is mine):
The world report on violence and health, WHO (2002)
Methodological and ethical challenges in violence research
The dictionary definition reflects common usage, and we are only having this discussion because I backed up someone else who had the same thought based on, you know, common usage. I’m happy to hear the trivialization for the scenario I described doesnt happen based on your experience. I still don’t like the wording, but then, I don’t have to.
This whole post—not just this comment thread—is precisely the definition of “my ignorance is equal to your expertise”. Bunch of people spouting opinions from common understanding on things they don’t understand. It’s not the first time that common usage of groups of people is entirely off with scientific facts. Like, the whole point of OP is that they disagree with something because they don’t understand it. It’s a tale as old as time itself. If we only followed common usage you would not be using soap and treatment for fever would still be bloodletting.
I will also say I like the part where I gave you the win in a cordial thread of the no stupid questions community wherein I admitted I understand the historical value of the term now even though I don’t like it, but you couldnt accept. When you can’t convince me to like it you just gotta tell me what my problem is, downvote every comment, and go home.
The problem here may well be opinion vs expertise, but every time someone brings up skilled and unskilled labor (for example) I do it. As do all of us experts who have an important message, and we should be doing it patiently and without judgement.
So let me, at the close, suggest to you that you go back to the very top and see how your attempt at direct, nonviolent communication came up way short. I think there is value in the approach and there’s value in expertise, but for an “expert” in the field, I find this exchange to be equal parts tone deaf, insightful, and ultimately officious/petulant/immature. This sure felt like some undergraduate level dick measuring bullshit to me 🤷.
Next time I hope you try to destigmatize mental health issues broadly not specifically, and someone calls you out in the same way every time you short circuit a discussion by suggesting that’s why whoever you’re addressing “doesn’t get it”.
Have a great day!
Let it be a lesson when you write your book to choose a better name, then. You won’t have to work against the grain. It will also go easier if you don’t suggest that anyone who disagrees with you has some form of mental health disorder, but that would be nit picking.