Because you’re not having enough interesting arguments now. Perhaps you have an instinct to want to grow and improve, but you’re not able to easily access that in the here and now.
I sympathise. Sometimes it’s not necessarily even about “winning” an argument, but just articulating your point well enough that things can move forwards. I find I am more likely to dwell on arguments where the other person was arguing against a point different than the one I was trying to make. In those cases, going over the argument in my head is usually me trying to think about how I could have better communicated my point in a manner that would allow the other person to engage with my actual points; perhaps then we could move forward productively and some change happens: either one of us causes the other to yield some ground, or I’m able to fortify my stance and come up with responses to new arguments. Either way, lack of closure sucks, especially when it feels stagnant.
Dwelling on past arguments isn’t healthy, but I suspect you already know that, or you wouldn’t have asked this question. Try not to beat yourself up about it too much though. Everyone ruminates sometimes, and trying to force yourself to not think of something is doomed to fail. It’s more effective to find new things to focus on to help you to move forward, but that’s an ongoing effort, and easier said than done.
Well, the jerk store called, and they’re running out of YOU!
I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast!
You eat shit for breakfast?
……No
To prepare for the next time. Whatever they said to use affected us and so the defense mechanism is to not let that happen again. Also regrets.
Because, naturally, it works on improving itself. This is just normal behaviour. As far as Darwinism goes, you’d be pretty undesirable if you made it this far with a brain that shutdown every time it could idle.
Dictionaries call this “contemplating” and it’s an incredibly powerful thing you ideally want your brain to do a lot of.
With the caveat that it can be easy for some people to trigger a stress response in themselves when ruminating on past events, at which point any benefit of contemplation may become outweighed by the negative effects of anxiety. Developing the ability to set aside a thought that’s causing you distress in the moment and learning to approach it from a more neutral or objective perspective are also powerful tools.
It has to be ego. I set my ego aside constantly and try to be open minded, and I am very open minded, but sometimes in privacy it’s just so goddamn big for no fucking reason… Like when rehashing a 10-year-old argument in the shower.
I had a roommate that bitched at me for how I washed a pan poorly 20 years ago.
I still imagine arguing with him when I wash dishes maybe 30% of the time. It’s extremely stupid.
Fuck you dad! This spiked collar is a lifestyle not a phase!
Alternatively, imagining arguments you could have, and coming up with responses in the shower.
stairwell thoughts
TIL, thanks!
