I’m bipolar, but I have never, ever had a manic episode while sober. Each manic episode was caused either by cannabis use or cannabis withdrawal. From my doctor’s point of view, I’ve seemed like I just have vanilla bipolar disorder, but that’s because they never knew just how much pot I smoked. I was never completely honest with my doctors. I told them I smoked pot, but I never told them I smoked as much as I actually did.

I’m sober now, though. Been sober from everything except caffeine and nicotine since December 16th of last year.

Based on the research I’ve done (as well as just plain common sense), it seems like folks like me don’t need the same medication regiment as typical bipolars as long as they stay sober. If there’s one thing I have felt since 2009, it’s that I have been overmedicated. Wanna know how overmedicated? In June of last year, I stopped taking my lithium because I wanted to be able to feel emotions again. During that time, I started remembering things about myself. I remembered that I’ve always been fascinated by langauge. I had completely forgotten that, even though I majored in linguistics in college. I have been so low functioning because of meds that I haven’t had a job since January 2015.

I’ll stay on my meds for now, but I sure don’t want to.