I feel like crap all the time, and I’m running out of curt answers.
I don’t want to lie and say I’m good just because that’s what’s expected of me, but I don’t want to invite discussion into why I feel poorly.
My go-to response is “Living the dream,” because if this life is a dream I hope to wake up soon. Plus not only is it considered an acceptable answer, it can be played off as a joke.
If anyone needs extra context, being asked “how are you” is an extended part of the greeting here. The asker is really just saying hello still, and although some kind of answer is expected, they aren’t actually curious about your welfare. A genuine response throws people off balance, and is probably unwarranted. Think of coworkers, service workers, or even total strangers being asked this dozens of times a day.
The horrors persist, but so do i.
I’m a big fan of this one, I started using it as a mantra when I got sick of “this too shall pass”
Monty Python also has a good response:
Really though, it depends entirely on the person. With my partner I will try to give the most complete answer I can, with friends and coworkers it depends on how close our relationship is. With strangers it may be a completely perfunctory answer to a completely perfunctory question, especially if I’m not up for defending a non-perfunctory answer, but I like to keep my answers real when I have the spoons for it.
I find this question quite fascinating: Culturally, there are countries where this gets asked indeed as a form of greeting, not a genuine question.
In Slavic countries, I feel like if you get asked this question, it’s generally considered to be of genuine interest, and you’ll get a genuine reply. Nothing offensive or informal about saying “Things are bad.” or “I feel bad.”, or any variant of such.
This might be my perception however, and feel free to correct me. I myself think that if someone asks how I’m doing, I have no need or responsibility to “remain positive/pleasant”.
Around here it’s definitely more of a greeting. I wish it was more of a genuine interest because then I wouldn’t feel so weird about answering truthfully when things aren’t great.
The context can make a big difference here. Friends and family are more likely to actually care. With coworkers and customers it’s often better to keep them at arms’ length because a negative response can get you labelled as not a team player, or receive customer complaints.
Some days I worry I’ll be too candid with my employer and I’ll lose my job as a result. That one is probably my own biased perception, but shit, it’s happened before.
I live in the US where it is just a greeting, but grew up in a different culture where it is almost always taken literally and isn’t something you ask a stranger. I tend to answer honestly because I want to normalize not being fake polite and I almost always have some bullshit to call out. If you can find something to complain about that other people also hate, it’s a great way to bond around how shitty the world can be. :D
“Eh, been better.”
I feel like that response is real without oversharing, and invites someone to respond however they want. If they care, they can ask what’s up, or they can just say, “aw bummer man, hope it gets better for you,” or whatever.
Not dead yet
In Finnish we have a phrase “ei kurjuutta kummempaa” which is said in a happy, jolly way and its usually accepted as “not great but I don’t want to expand on it.” It translates to “nothing worse than misery.”
“Not great but I don’t want to expand on it” is pretty much exactly the kind of response I’m looking for
Thank you for teaching me some new words
Thank you for teaching me some new words
I’m sure you’ll find it very useful. A whopping 0,06% of the worlds population speaks finnish lol
“Great!”
“Alright, you?”
“Living the dream.”
“Another day in paradise.”
“One day closer to death.”
Depending on my mood
“One day closer to death” is fantastic.
“Its going” gets the message across. Kind of shit, but time passes.
“Eh, tired.”, usually.
People tend to get it. They’re probably tired too.
– Frost
“How ya doing?”
“Doing my best.”
This has me thinking of that old TV show Dollhouse.
I’m a big fan of doing my best. My best happens to be shit a lot of the time, but it’s still my best. As long as you’re doing your best, and not trying to kill yourself by doing more than your best, I think there’s honour in that
“Hangin’ in there” is what I generally use when I’m not fine but I know it’s just a greeting. It conveys that things are less than fine, but not by how much, and that I’m still functioning.
Some other, more flippant ones: “As well as can be expected”, a shrug and a “meh”, “Too early to tell” (if it’s first thing in the morning / just arriving to work), “Sitting up and taking nourishment”, etc.
You can even skip answering at all, and move directly to the response greeting, “Hey, how are you?”
“meh” is my go-to haha. Or just a shrug. Gets the point across without being obnoxious.
Took me years to realize that the “correct” reply is to ask the same question back, not answering.
But my go-to phrase when having just gotten out of bed, headed for my shift was “too early to tell”
just say “not well” if you are not well. if they dont care, then what do you care what they think.
personally i find it degrading to pretend everything is fine if things are not fine.
I also find it degrading, but honesty costs me something here. That’s why I’m looking for ways to deflect instead of pretending
when i dont feel well and i dont want to answer directly, i tend to say something in lines of “nothing” as in my state is null. i think it gets the point across but doesnt overtly emphasis that you are not doing well.
“breathing” or “alive”
To which they normally say: “better than the alternative!”
And my final reply to that is: “some days.”
better than the alternative
Ha, I always say this in response to anything about getting old.
Life sucks sometimes, but sometimes it’s good. I hold out hope for more good parts. I try to hold to a certain saying:
“If you’re going through hell…keep going!”
“Fine” tone of voice fills in the rest.
