- cross-posted to:
- programmer_humor@programming.dev
- cross-posted to:
- programmer_humor@programming.dev
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If you bought a coffee pot requiring network access and give it unrestricted internet then you deserved to become a government pawn
Gonna tell my mom I got a government job.
why would I care? the US is spying on me and they’re a much bigger threat to me
I’ve got a french press. Is it spying on me for china or France. At this point I don’t care which one.
I don’t give a rats ass if chinas tracking me. Why? because I don’t live in china nor do I ever plan to. In fact, I’d prefer they track me instead of a US company
what exactly is the concern with China knowing when I make my coffee or use my laundry machine? It’s not like they’re interested in stealing my identity or scamming me out of my savings. Outside of the generally icky-ness of having your data stolen, what’s the endgame?
Silly Answer: American morning rituals are sacred. They are to be hidden from our enemies.
Actual Answer:
Small Data sources compiled over time with rough geographic approximation (or direct geographic information such as GPS sensors on phones) as well as likely consumer information can actually form a complete or near complete profile on the habits and locations of individuals, groups, and companies, including military targets. As an example, if we assume all Chinese companies are secretly government controlled (they’re not.) extensions of their spy agency then, for example, a useful profile might include:
Time the alarm clock went off + time water heater gets activated + time coffee maker is set to make coffee + time refrigerator is opened and closed + time recorded by alarm system + video from doorbell cam = Accurate morning routine, including when the house will be empty, when it will be occupied but not actively monitored (during a morning shower), if and when the person might be gone for a run and how long
If you need to target say, a general who you believe has classified information in his home office, then it would be amazing to know all of this. It’d also be easier to just bribe the maid to get what you want (which is how 99% of ‘spying’ operations actually work.)
If you extend that to all things that might form some amount of data on their use, you could get a total profile of everything someone does in a day in their home… or office… or possibly military base.
Now is this is a risk? Yes.
Is this a likely risk? No. Not even a little. Again bribing a maid or maintenance technician is cheaper, easier, and way, way less risky.
Then why do so many
Chineseappliances send this information to unknown and scary ip addresses?Because data is valuable to advertisers, and theoretically it’s valuable to engineers to know how their product is being used. This combined with executives’ push for everything to have an app, because data is valuable and because it makes the product seem ‘modern,’ fully offers a simple explanation on how and why we find ourselves here. But sinophobia in the Amerisraeli Empire is the only way the Epstein class actually maintains any control – if there is an enemy who they accuse of doing even worse, the subjects of the empire let them do anything they way.
They flipped my mom!?
I doubt it.
Dude when I tell people I only do pour over coffee people are always like “you know you can get a coffee maker for 20 bucks”
I just prefer how little space these things take up. Plus I rarely drink more than 2-3 cups a day.
Oooo, a family member give me their old drip coffeemaker because I took too long with my French press one time while they were visiting. They honestly thought they were being helpful. It’s been sitting in the closet since the day they left it here.
My moka pot ain’t talkin’ to no one.
It only sings a sweet burbling song of coffee to me each morning. And afternoon.
If it’s burbling, you fucked up.
I’d recommend one that’s not plastic. (Though I have that same one and use it occasionally.)
The steam from the water powers a micro rotor and the coffee acts as an antenna, duh
Water boils. Evaporates to steam. Turbine goes brrrrr.
Hey, that’s a haiku
Seriously. I’m not really sure why a coffee maker needs to have any technology. My electric kettle is about the highest tech thing in the whole process.
There’s tech, and then there’s electronic tech. I’m sure the filter paper is waaaaay more high tech than the kettle. Seriously, check out the engineering that goes into filter mediums, it’s insane.
I feel like this is a topic someone on YouTube will have a 40 minute video about lol
I have a stainless steel one but yeah pour-over gang reporting
Eyes his french press suspiciously
Bon jour!
Mine said “On ne passe pas!”, so I knew it was one of the good ones.
Kinda relevant here
Shoots coffee maker Americanly. Shoots toaster too, just to be sure.
Guess I’ll have to keep making coffee the old way
If the have “reams” of data on me, good luck reading through it all.
[This is a sarcastically humourous take on the fact that the word “reams” is used, which is a measure of blocks of 500 pieces of paper.]
yeah i was also surprised they printed it.
Wait until you find out what they’re doing to you through your toilet seat!
I don’t actually mind that. I kinda like that. (secretly)
I was gifted a thermal insulated coffee mug with built-in battery to keep hot. Connects to phone via Bluetooth. Got warnings that the mug would be able to track all 50+ Bluetooth MAC IDs that are in range (I’m in an apt building). That mug will never get turned on or used
As @Grostleton@lemmy.dbzer0.com said, that’s how every Bluetooth device works, but I’m also curious what purpose connecting a mug to a phone via Bluetooth serves.
I like to imagine the guy who pitched spying on Americans through their coffee makers like “we need to figure out how much coffee Americans are drinking” and everyone in the room was just fully on board with this genius idea.
