Today’s word is gamble. The Army taught me to take risks, not gamble, which is why I am simultaneously calm and on edge about this whole getting arrested thing, which I now again believe will happen when we are traveling to a monastary in another state on our bikes and drugs will magick themselves in our possession thanks to Joe Arpagio’s fine, uniformed criminals.
This mixed feeling is a product of knowing the United States military industrial complex does not throw all these resources over the course of 12+ years (that I was aware) to make me into this high-potential product to just throw it away. But then again, the best laid plans of mice and men oft go awry.
Does everyone understand that? I remember I got into a piss-off with someone on X over telling someone who didn’t understand why we read Of Mice and Men, which I just realized is the reason I named my book what I did, that’s how much of my processing is done in my unconscious. But, the idea is, it doesn’t matter what your intentions are or how well you plan and proceed, God can always fuck your life up, and will, if you need that to grow into your highest form.
I know nothing is truly random. The word “sorcerer” as it is used in Revelation 22:14-15, does not refer to magick, which involves skillful self-determination through intention setting to entangle yourself with Karma so your reality procedurally generates how you want it to, but instead is derived from a French word meaning “caster of lots.” Y’know, dice rolls, and casting lots is in the Bible 47 times because NOTHING IS RANDOM SO TECHNICALLY THERE IS NO GAMBLING.
These things I write are usually either:
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Something I’ve written before and I’m regurgitating it with my thumb to continuously evolve my ability to say the same things
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I am teaching myself by making connections as I write
And I just did the latter. With magick, there is no gambling; all choices are risk mitigation. And in present, I feel the safest option (we haven’t discussed this, I just think this is the only logical conclusion) is to go with Byoomth on his inevitable death excursion. Because, regardless of the objective nature of reality, me being set up, him and police are liars, it makes my story add up the most, because it is the most truthful reality I can walk to and through and from.
What is coming is what was first planned, I now surmise. I remember reading these books in college, Daemon and its sequel Freedom TM, where a video game tycoon creates this huge series of events upon his death that are automatically carried out by background processes to change the world, and he recorded messages for the detective investigating, working backwards, so he appeared younger and younger as the one msin character goes about the plot, cuz he started at the end and worked backwards.
This is what the deep state has done, cuz they take risks, but they don’t gamble.
you write like there is medicine that you’re supposed to be taking that you’re not taking
I want to be on the regiment I’m supposed to be on, which is 1mg RisperiDONE in the morning (just saw they labeled it funny), and 2mg at night and 1000mg deprakote, but I’m only on 1mg of risperidone a day because it takes forever to see a doctor and they all lie to me and I don’t trust them, and these Arizona docs, with the shape I was in while in Portland, don’t believe anything I say, and the cops are setting us up, as I have to believe is planned, because I faked schizophrenia to get outta ROTC, but it’s ok, cuz I’m actually a schizoautismo doorigard of profound retardation.
What do your doctors lie to you about?
That they care
How so?
amazing A+
Do new word. Sexual. Ah fuck! I don’t like being sexual because it evokes all these feelings of fear, but therein, I like being sexual because sex is fucking sex. I don’t like coming on to someone at all. I’ve done performance art before, guided by God, to be awkward or cringe or unsettling in a variety of ways, and I did so in the awareness it would heal me, choosing to overcome my fear, while believing I was a cop, which I believe now was done out of love and compassion.
But I like to joke about sex like Beethoven joked about poop. Autism! Aspergers? A rare form of ADHD that often gets misdiagnosed as schizophrenia? That’s what God told me, and I don’t get a euphoria from amphetamines, which I’m genuinely not on. I have a small amount of DXM in me because my life partner is financially abusing me and I cannot fight in the vacuum of my soul against the whelling feeling of being alone and fucked with and doom n gloom n all.
Censorship. Expression. I hear the announcement from the middle school I love next to. God knows what His ass is doing, and I think I do too. This, I am really starting to see how everything works out, despite y’know, 653k charges being thrown at me, for reasons that I worry about literally zero percent of the time because I’m not who I once was.
Thus, I am good being Victorious.

