Growing up, I was always told that boys could come over if I leave the bedroom door open, and I see a lot with my friends that the girls would not be allowed to have boys over/in the bedroom/have the bedroom door closed or viceversa (boys with girls).
When I realized I may be gay and trans (masc), my parents were accepting and allowed me to have the door closed with girls because I was gay and still not with boys.
Then, I had a boyfriend and they said I could keep the door closed with anyone except my boyfriend.
Now, I’m nonbinary and bisexual. Would you allow your kids to close the door?
No, I would simply give them a box of condoms or whatever.
If they’re gonna do it, they’re gonna do it, and as a parent, you’re way better off with your kids comfortable not hiding it because if there’s complications you can intervene quickly. If the condom broke, you want the kid to come to you so you can get plan B and not have to deal with an abortion a couple weeks or even months later. It’s also way better they get caught doing it at home vs in a car and now be on the sex offender registry.
What you’re describing is abstinance and is common in religious families, and well know for being ineffective. Plus as you’ve described, it completely falls apart when bisexuality is involved, and it makes even less sense if it’s physically impossible to even get pregnant.
The same extends to alcohol, drugs, porn, whatever evil vice people are worried. If your kid’s gonna do drugs, you want them to feel comfortable calling you if they have a bad trip, and also feel comfortable giving you the drugs so you can get them to the hospital and they can quickly identify what you’re on and give the necessary medications.
They’re gonna learn about all that eventually, better they learn it from you. Punishment and “you’ll understand when you’re grown up” doesn’t work. If they’re old enough to ask, they’re old enough for the answers too.
It’s not exactly relevant to the original question, but is to your response … My mom always told me “don’t do drugs, but if you do, do them with me so I can make sure you’re doing them right.”
It’s not exactly relevant to the original question, but is to your response … My mom always told me “don’t do drugs, but if you do, do them with me so I can make sure you’re doing them right.”
Was that her policy on sex too?
Edit: a lot of people without a sense of humor in this thread.
No, but she did once tell me about a woman’s perspective on losing virginity, then laugh and say “now the first time you have sex you’ll think about what I said!”
I didn’t, though.
Needed that “/s” perhaps 👀
It depends if she hot or not…
depends on the age obviously…but I wouldn’t care. wear protection and be open about things.
If my kid grows up to be half as good looking as his mother and half as lucky as his father, it’s already going to be a perfect storm. The forces at play would far exceed the power of any door.
That seems ridiculous. If my kid wants to have sex they’d just find another way to do it outside of their house.
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Lmao. “Parents of lemmy…”
Responses: if i ever have kids…
You haven’t brought age and maturity into this discussion and it’s a big piece of info on scaling the answer. 14 no. 17 possibly.
Secondly there is the other minor to consider. As a parent it is my job to ensure the visiting minor is safe and comfortable so even if my child wants the door closed and I trust them it could still be a no.
There are so many variables here. It’s never a simple yes I would or no I wouldn’t. It’s a parents job to read the room in the literal sense here. You are a parent first before you are a friend and sometimes that goes against a child’s wants in the moment.
Kids today have joysticks and xbox. Back in my day, we just had stick and box. We were definitely banging at 14.
I see it as ‘This is our house but lovemaking needs to happen elsewhere. The child moves out at 18 and does whatever they want.’ Of course, the child prior to 18 needs to understand consent and the use of contraception.
no?! I dont wanna see them have sex wtaf
depends what they were doing in there
It’s an old house, so usually we keep the doors open for ventilation.
If they were making out, I don’t wanna see that, close the door.
You asked it two different ways, in the title you asked if they’d need to keep the door open (my answer is ‘no’), but in the body text, you asked if I would allow them to close the door (my answer is ‘yes’).
But, I grew up in the 70s, so people weren’t so uptight then, at least the parents I dealt with weren’t. So, I didn’t have any rules for my son, and, had I had a daughter, I wouldn’t have had any rules for her.
In fact, I’d be happier if they were at home, they’d be safe at home.
That’s a really good question.
My first two trains of thought would be 1) door open, or 2) no going to your room to be alone with the person you’re attracted to. But at the same time, I remember that it’s going to happen, regardless of what I do or say, and my first concern is that they are safe.
So really, I don’t know what I’d do, and I’m not looking forward to finding out in the foreseeable future (I have a tween now, so my days are numbered).
that could have ended very differently when you started with “my first two trains…”
Why bother? It never stopped me or anyone I knew from a little hanky panky.
While I’m not a parent, I know a married couple who told me about giving their teen kids “the talk”, which was about STD protection and an edict to use rubbers.
But, I think you’re asking us to weigh in about your own parents’ choices, and it’s not our place to do that. They get to decide their own comfort zone. It sounds like they are reasonably enlightened and that’s the best you can hope for. It also might be that they don’t want you disengaging too much from the rest of the household when you’re at home, as opposed to trying to be controlling about your sex life.
I wont cast a judgement one way or another on how to approach this, but just know that it is an incredibly common rule. Every girlfriend I had growing up had this same rule, or even more strict. For one I wasn’t allowed in her bedroom at all when I came over.
It sounds like your parents are perfectly including your identity in their decision. I know from experience that the rule sucks, especially when you aren’t even planning to do anything and just want to hang out in a comfortable space. But it is common, and quite reasonable considering how other parents might approach it.
From what you’ve described it seems their main concern was you not getting pregnant.
As to whether it was the best strategy, depends on their beliefs and what other options you and your boyfriend had.
