One that always annoyed me is when it is around the holidays, when stores advertise gifts for men. They always assume a guy is into toilet humor, beer humor, assuming they’re a lumberjack who needs to survive out in the wilderness, are into bbq-ing all of the time so gotta have those available all year around for some reason.
Even when I used to have identified myself as a guy, I never once fit into any of those traits. Just because guys grow beards, doesn’t always mean they’re chopping wood somewhere and always wearing plaid.
I’ve noticed that when you want a question answered it’s best to put your own answer in a comment and let the post only be describing or clarifying the question. When you put a question and your answer together in the post, the question reads more rhetorical since you’ve already given “the answer”, and your answer will be what people discuss rather than giving their own answers.
My sexist stereotype that needs to stop is that men are not good with kids, or unsafe.
I want to see more men playing with kids, being handed strangers kids to hold at gatherings, men hugging and cuddling kids. It’s no more suspicious or odd for a man to enjoy and appreciate and be caring with children (not just his own) than it is for a woman.
I have no qualms asking a strange child if they want help if I see them struggling (seeming lost, trying to reach something, scared of the escalator, whatever), and I want men to feel equally comfortable stepping in without being afraid of what people might think they’re up to… Because people need to stop thinking men are up to something when they are clearly trying to have a positive impact.
This is one thing that I’m pretty self conscious about. I don’t know if it’s because I’ve spent a lot of time on the internet and see lots of actual creeps on there but it’s often on my mind in public to try not to come off as a creep. The only exception is with my nieces or nephew, I’ll be dammed if someone’s going to accuse me of something because I’m playing with them or keeping an eye on them in public, but outside of that, I’m a single guy in his 30s and that don’t look good, so I keep to myself.
Actually, as I was typing this out I remembered the guy that I saw while I was with my nieces and their parents waiting for some food at a fast food place a few months back. The place was busy so we were all there for a while and this old guy comes up nearby, waits for a while, then complains out loud to us. Ok, that’s normal, but then he just hangs out for a while close to the kids. After we get the last of our food as the youngest is getting off of a stool, he reaches out to help her off, holding her under the arms. That type of situation is exactly what I try to avoid. Maybe he was harmless and thought she needed a hand, that for some reason the three adults she knew couldn’t provide, but keep your hands off the kid, we don’t know you. (She was not struggling to get off the stool)
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Most, if not all of them, should just die to be honest. But the one that is targeted at me and annoys me most at the moment is the following.
Where I currently live, there seems to be an assumption that if you are a man, you’re going to be a deadbeat parent.
The bar is in absolute hell to be considered a “good dad”. Change nappies? You’re so “hands on”. Spend time with your kids minding your own business? Mums out of the blue coming to tell you “you’re doing great”, with optional condescension. Thanks, I didn’t ask. Or conversely if my child is crying, get offered help insistently, because yeah, you must know better than my sorry man ass, even though you only met my child 5 seconds ago.
When my partner is present, any questions from doctors or childminders about our children are by default asked to her, and if I don’t (repeatedly) chip in, I don’t even get a look.
No, I’m not “babysitting” to give my wife a rest, I’m enjoying spending time with my children. No, I don’t feel emasculated having my baby in a carrier/sling or pushing a buggy. Also no, I don’t need to be advertised “manly” looking dad gear (you know the one, looks like you’re cosplaying a spec ops soldier).
This seems to be getting better as my children are getting older but during the baby phase it was absolutely mind blowing how I felt I either had to assert my presence quite a bit, or paradoxically get infinite praise for doing the bare minimum.
Tbf, this is not super local specific necessarily. I definitely pass judgement in fellow coworker dads who show up to work a week after they have their new born. When I chat with them about how nights are going and they say “oh fine, I just sleep in the basement so the baby doesn’t wake me” I want to throttle their weak asses.
Much of it is definitely cultural. Its made worse that we work at a company that offers dads two months full pay and live in a country with employment insurance benefits for parents that can be split over 18 months.
Yeah, by “where I live” I meant the country I am currently in. I am not saying there is no sexism where I am from, far from it, but from what little I can tell, the specifics that I am describing seem to be more prevalent in English speaking countries. Sexism expresses in different ways, that’s definitely a culture thing.
And yes, here in the UK, fathers are only entitled to two weeks paternity leave which only makes things worse. I was very lucky to be working for a company which had a great parental leave policy when both my children were born (3 months full pay) so I could do my part and bond with my children at a very early age. I remember after two weeks thinking “how do fathers even go back to work at that stage?”. And that’s not even taking into account a difficult birth, like needing a c-section, and the mum needing at least 6 weeks to start being able to safely do anything remotely straining again.
It’s just insane.
the bar really is that low, tbf. congratulations you are in the top 0.1% of parents/
dadslot of people out there that really shouldn’t be having kids because they’re barely aware of themselves let alone other people
edit/crossing out dads
congratulations you are in the top 0.1% of parents/dads
This right here is what this whole question is directed at.
No, doing the basics does not put them in the “top 0.1% of dads,” like it’s some sort of anomaly (they might be, but it’s not because they changed diapers). Almost every dad I know is heavily involved in their kids lives, including when they are babies. I’m never the only dad at the park or the birthday party, and everything else. I have had many discussions with other guys about taking care of our babies, and it is very clear that it is a shared responsibility.
Do more men bail on their kids or dump responsibility on their spouse than women? Sure. Is that currently the common thing, or what 99.9% of men do? Absolutely not.
Stop perpetuating this stereotype, especially in a post about negative stereotypes.
fair enough, really meant that as comment towards parents as a whole. ime kids are basically accessories to many people, like the dog they don’t bother training or the spouse they never communicate with.
I get annoyed when I order a cocktail or a vegetarian dish at a restaurant and they put it in front of my wife.
Sometimes I want a veggie filled meal, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to pass up a cocktail because it’s not “manly”.
I have scotch at home, and if I’m buying a steak it’s going to be from a high quality restaurant. I hate overpaying for steak that I can cook better at home.
Lol happens to me all the time, I only drink fruity or sweet alcoholic beverages and my wife loves beer and whiskey.
Couple weeks ago we were out with some work friends and I ordered a “Trophy Wife” and it came with a flower in it and everything lmao (tasted fantastic) and one of the guys we were with (who is gay even) made a comment about my prissy drink lmao. He was doing it in jest but like… Why shouldn’t I like things that taste good? XD
I can sort of relate. I’m fat as fuck, but I really like salads and veggies. When I go out to eat, my (much smaller) partner will order like a steak and potatoes, and I might order like a chicken cobb salad, not because I’m dieting, but I because I really wanted a dinner salad. And like half the time they give the salad to my partner and give me the steak.
So I had a similar experience. I was a vegetarian, I don’t like coffee, I don’t drink alcohol.
First the waiter put the wine in front of me and the soda in front of my wife.
Then I got the meat and she the veggie dish.
Then finally she got the white tea and I the coffee.
My wife is a huge prime rib fan. Invariably, the waiter gives me the prime rib, and my wife the salmon.
The timing of this post is ideal.
I’m a guy. Yesterday, a coworker (a woman) told me about a male customer who was shopping before my shift started. She tried to help him, but he said “can I get a man to help me?” Ugh.
Amusingly, only her and two other women were working at that moment. She said “I’m the best you’re gonna get. There’s only two other people on duty right now, and they’re both women with less experience than me.” She wasn’t bragging, either. She’s always the one I go to when I have questions.
I’m glad I wasn’t there. I wouldn’t have wanted to deal with that caveman.
If you were there, you could’ve just played dumb and driven the point home by redirecting each question to your coworker.
“You’re a man. You can take it.” No, cunt. It’s domestic abuse.
Men are just big children.
The other day at work, a woman said “I have three children. And a husband, so I guess three and a half children.”
Don’t usually see that stereotype in the wild.
I don’t want people to give up joy and fun things, but the idea that men are just irresponsible and their wife has to also be their responsible mother is sad.
Edit: typo
Unfortunately that’s a stereotype that holds up way more often than it should. Women often end up taking on a huge domestic load and/or caretaker load in a household, even if both she and her husband are working outside the home.
There are couples that never fall into this or that actively try to balance domestic and caretaking activities. One set of tools I know about is “Fair Play”.
Only because the far right wing conservative shitlords like Shapiro,
Kirk, Chowderhead, and Walsh et. al. have been brainwashing guys into taking pride in having no idea how to take care of themselves. They literally take pride in not knowing how to do laundry, cook, or many other domestic tasks…That definitely amplifies the problem, but this isn’t a new problem.
Here’s a study by Pew Research that shows this (data collected from 2016 to 2021).
Here’s a paper that attempts to estimate how much time women have historically spent on “home production” (unpaid work that benefits the household, like cleaning, caretaking, etc). The estimates are based on data from 1900 to the 2000s.
On page 27, Table 6A shows employed, married women haven’t seen a significant reduction in domestic work.
Table 7 shows data for men, but it’s not clear which are married (or sharing household tasks with a woman in some other way). That table shows employed men are taking on much more domestic work than a hundred years ago, but single employed women spend 3 hours more a week while married employed women spent 10+ hours more per week.
https://econweb.ucsd.edu/~vramey/research/Home_Production_published.pdf
The thing i don’t get is why do women put up with it?
I think some of it boils down to different standards, generally the neater/cleaner person will expect the other person to change their behaviour. When I hear people moaning about significant others doing nothing I do think that it takes both people to allow it. Most people will live together for a while before marriage/kids so you have no excuse to complain if you know what they’re like and still marry etcThe thing i don’t get is why do women put up with it?
Many reasons.
Some people are taught gender essentialism from a young age. Women are like this, men are like that, and there’s no way to change it. It’s just nature (or God) that women clean and take care of the house, and men go out and hunt.
Many boys are socialized from a young age not to cook or clean. Many girls are taught that that’s what they do. Have you seen this in your life? A family gathering, where the boys run off to play and the women and girls stick around to clean up? Children learn from what they see and what they’re taught.
It’s only recently that women had any shot at financial independence. Women weren’t guaranteed the right to open a bank account until 1974, in the US. Sexual discrimination is a problem with finding a career to pay one’s own way. From that, one can infer that some women “put up with” shitty men, because the alternative is destitution.
Some women may believe that changing it is just too much work- it’s not an immutable nor innate property of men that they don’t cook or clean or know anything about the children, but changing that would be an overwhelming amount of work. If the man’s not interested in changing anything, it’s even more daunting, and may damage the relationship.
Also some men get violent if they feel threatened, insulted, or hungry.
These are just some things I’ve read or women have talked to me about. I’m a dude doing the best I can. Talk to the women in your life (but don’t make them teach you a whole seminar for free, heh.)
Some women may believe that changing it is just too much work- it’s not an immutable nor innate property of men that they don’t cook or clean or know anything about the children, but changing that would be an overwhelming amount of work. If the man’s not interested in changing anything, it’s even more daunting, and may damage the relationship
That’s what I mean though. Why stay or care about damaging the relationship? Sunk cost fallacy. Some times a hard choice needs to be made. This choice should be made before children/mortgages etc. There’s the old stereotype of men enter a relationship thinking the women wont change and women enter a relationship hoping the man will.
Well, sunk cost fallacy is extremely common.
But also people don’t have perfect knowledge. And people change, and change at different rates.
Imagine a couple that meets when they’re both pretty immature in their 20s. They have fun and fall in love. Then they buy a home together, and the woman slowly realizes she’s matured into an adult role while the husband is still basically the 20 year old bro. Would you casually suggest burning the whole thing down? Finding a new relationship in your mid 30s, especially if you want kids, when there’s no guarantee the new person will be any better, is daunting.
What if they’re not financially independent?
It’s easy to sit back and tell people how to behave in the abstract, but real situations aren’t always so obvious.
When women don’t put up with it en masse you get massive waves of men threatening women. That’s a big part of the whole gen Z gender war thing.
Threaten to do what?
If women don’t put up with it en masse then there is fuck all men can do about it. Mass action is how things change
Mass violence. The tate bs comes from this. The incel mass shootings come from this. Hell the polytechnique shooting was in conversation with this. Men who can’t get laid because women decide men aren’t worth the effort sometimes loudly talk online about how they’re considering rape about it. And that’s not talking about the pushes towards misogynistic politicians, like how young American men who can’t get laid are increasingly opposing women’s suffrage.
For a good example of all of it look at the epidemic of gendered violence in South Korea.
Bonus points if it’s, “He’s childish because he’s so emotional.”
And then we wonder why men are closed off emotionally.
It’s not a stereotype if it’s true, though! /s
On a more serious note, coming from an immigrant family, you can see it very clearly in a lot of those old Eurpoean cultures (Portugal, spain, etc…) The men work, the women (seem) subservient, but honestly, without them, their husbands are absolutely useless at bills, banking, groceries, literally anything that isn’t getting up and going to work to make money.
Most men would absolutely fall apart without their wives because while they can dress for themselves, they sure as hell can’t shop for themselves, etc…
I’m not saying that that’st he modern convention. It isn’t at all. It’s changing. But there’s still a tonne of older women who come in and (half-jokingly) have to buy a bunch of premade meals for their husband because she has to go on the road for a few days and he is useless for that sort of stuff on his own.
It’s funny because the dynamic in my relationship is flipped and I can relate more to women’s complaints about mental load, cooking/household, malicious incompetence, communication, etc so this one always stands out when I come across it.
I recently became aware of the “performative male” stereotype. Basically, if you’re a guy who doesn’t dress the way most men dress and you like to read books in public, you’re just “performing” in order to attract women.
I think it’s the whole anti-intellectualism aspect of the stereotype that irks me the most (it being shameful somehow for a guy to read).
In some cases Tik-Tokers are filming guys just sitting alone at like a Starbucks reading a book, bothering nobody, and acting like they caught a predator.
It reminds me of that old Bill Hicks anecdote where he’s at a diner in the deep south reading a book, and some dude exclaims “looks we got a reader!” as if it were something peculiar.
Here’s a good critique of it if you’re OOTL https://youtube.com/watch?v=b3jIgdbVjr4
I just recently discovered that channel and really like it. People on lemmy have great taste lmao.
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I would extend that to pretty much all gendered advertisement. Especially for kids, the way toys are advertised in such a gendered way does quite a bit of harm to those who don’t neatly fit into the stereotypes.
The toys situation annoys me so much more now that I am a parent. Also it does not matter how hard you try to avoid certain things, we keep getting gifted clothes that would turn our daughter into a free walking advert for Disney princesses and our son into a truck and heavy machinery enthusiast.
Which, there wouldn’t necessarily be anything wrong with if they were into that to begin with, but that’s really not the case. The push is unreal.
Do you all remember the public freak out when Target said they were de-gendering their toy isles
Can we all appreciate for a moment that while gendered toy aisles we’re dominating the scene, Nintendo opted to target boys.
Also I’m very, very curious what the gaming scene would look like through the ages if they’d started with girls. Are fighting/racing games actually more fun or have they just become imprinted onto our psyche?
Oh for a quick shot of Rick’s portal gun to find out.
Meat. I’m vegetarian, my wife is not. When we go out to eat, if she orders meat, there’s a good chance the meat dish will get put in front of me.
We were at a Christmas market on the weekend, and one booth had a sign that said “Make your husband happy”, and it was of course a butcher stand.
Big penises being more manly or making you a better lover. I’m sure wars have been started by men who were upset with their dick size and would do anything to make up for it.
Funnily, in ancient roman times having a big dick made people think you were a dumbass who was only good at fucking.
Yeah the satyrs had enormous dongs because they were animalistic sex maniacs while learned people demonstrated their mild temperment by having modest genitalia. Michaelangelo’s David is a famous example of the latter. Disappointed to not see the former in Disney’s Hercules.
You wanna see Danny Devito’s massive dong?
Had definitely been hoping for some magnum dong
He has a wife, you know
I fit into that stereotype. I’m still doing no shave November 2014, I hunt and fish and like to BBQ anything I catch while having a beer.
Too good for fart jokes? 😂
A wise woman once told me, “If you don’t enjoy farts you’ll have less joy in your life but the same number of farts.”
does no shave also mean no trim? scissors?
It would probably contain those words if that is what it meant.
No shave means no shave.
sorry, didnt mean to make you delete your account
🧟♂️
fediverse undeadz!
Marketing people prey on insecure people. It’s not just guys. I had a girlfriend who would spend a fortune… Not even kidding on hair products, cremes, you name it. She was always jealous of my hair and skin and i always told her that i literally make my own soap and don’t care about products. But on Instagram… Well, then just buy stuff from influencers i guess.
Oh this hits so close to home. She does not spend that much but also not little. Does a 20 minute routine every night and morning with like 5 different products.
Then goes and tells me she is jealous of my skin. I almost never wash my face directly even under the shower I just use water. And it’s somehow so much better than hers.
I think that’s the issue. Letting the body take care of itself with its natural oils and just cleaning it with pure water is pretty good I think. Could do with a once in a while light scrub to get bacteria out of course, couple times a week maybe.
Could do but I never did and have not really had any issues. She is constantly nagging me that I need to do skincare but I just cannot be bothered to do it for no gain. I do sometimes moisturise but that is it.
Definitely don’t start anything, no. If your skin is healthy you need to tell her that starting now with a bunch of chemicals that the skin isn’t used to will more likely do damage than good if anything.
Ive recently started bathing every day because my toddler insists I get in the bath with her. I’m more rash than man until my system gets used to it.
I’m not sure you should be bathing your toddler every day? 😳 How come so often?
Our kids bathe once a week or so, depending on necessity. But at least once a week. I did too at their age, and they don’t smell or have any hygiene issues, just as I didn’t.
Their hands, arms, and feet [edit: and face] get dirty more than the rest of their bodies, so those get washed more frequently, but in isolation.
Leave something for the immune system to practice on, I guess. 😅
Purely as part of the bed time routine, she does not sleep well
The market has determined the gender stereotypes that are most profitable and insecure people increasingly take on those qualities as parts of their personality.
All other interests are niche and require someone to establish a special interest club to attract like-minded folks.
Even when I used to have identified myself as a guy, I never once fit into any of those traits.
I don’t think you should be too surprised to have not fallen into male dominated stereotypes when you are part of a minority.
