Thinking about a conversation I was having with an acquaintance years ago. He was a friend of a friend and we were talking about food. I forget the exact phrasing but I brought up loving avocados. He said “what’s that?” I was a bit surprised and explained. He responded “OH thats crazy I thought that was one of those made up words”. The statement was like a flashbang I had to contemplate for a few minutes. PERSONAL STORIES ONLY, DO NOT INCLUDE A STATEMENT FROM A CELEBRITY OR POLITICIAN.
My aunt was offended that I said I have heard her spread hateful misinformation about transgender people. She sent me some unhinged messages that I spread hate and I support Disney even though it’s run by pedophiles and that transgender people are shooting up schools. And she doesn’t understand why I think she spreads hateful disinformation about transgender people.
She also said McDonald’s has aborted fetuses in their burgers. She has also, in past conversations, repeated other insane myths about transgender people lopping off six-year-old’s penises and queer people conspiring to reduce the population
This woman just has no awareness of what comes out of her own mouth. I believe there is a disconnect in her brain. She simultaneously preaches acceptance and inclusivity while also somehow believing every bit of hateful misinformation you have ever heard about queer people. Just repeats whatever she’s told while accusing everyone else of being sheep.
She sounds like a wild hang
She’s nuts. She preaches about how we all need to tune out all the hate and negativity in the world, seemingly unaware that she’s contributing to it with constantly repeating hateful misinformation
Years ago I was talking with a pregnant coworker about our families. We got onto the subject of how quiet I am. She said “I would hate it if my daughter turned out to be like you.” I was just stunned tbh. Like damn, I can’t help it that I’m quiet. Why is that such a bad thing?
Look at how the extroverts lost their minds during covid lockdown.
What happened with the lockdowns and immediately after made believe being an extrovert is the result of failing to fully develop a working theory of mind.
I’m an introvert but even I struggled with quarantine. Everyone needs at least some degree of human interaction.
It didn’t help that I was already pretty isolated before the pandemic, so most of my human interaction was from the checkout counter in stores, cafe baristas, or wait staff at a restaurant. I kinda depended on those little micro-interactions to get my social fix. And I didn’t have friends to hang out with on the porch or meet at an outdoor spot. I didn’t have an online chat group to rely on either.
People who have those things really take them for granted. Like, yeah, I get it, introverts don’t need to be surrounded by people all the time, in fact that would be torture. I’m that way too. But I can’t be completely alone all the time either, I wind up too depressed to even feed myself.
Getting a cat has literally saved my life, given me a reason to live, helped me stop talking to myself like a madman (literally insane ramblings), helped me find my way to some semblance of a reality that’s anchored in more than just one point within my own perception, some degree of consensus reality even if the only other being sharing that consensus is a cat.
It’s not perfect, my cat can’t stand in for every social/psychological need for human interaction. But she can stand in for some of those needs, and for now it’s enough.
rant:
It has to be enough, because I don’t have any other option. I can’t just choose to be accepted by society. That’s a lie told by the “self-help” grift community. We are not the masters of our own circumstances, everyone depends on others for their degree of social acceptance or lack thereof.
That’s why it’s so toxic to tell young people “don’t be cool, you’ll regret it later in life.” No, you’ll regret not being cool when nobody likes you and you can’t find a job because most positions are filled by personal relationships and networking, not by fairly considering qualified applicants. What defines “being cool” is what matters. Different people have different ideas of “cool.” It’s not about “don’t be cool” it’s about teaching what’s cool and what isn’t.
Growing up, I internalized that “don’t give in to peer pressure” thing a little too much. I made it a point to never conform to any social norms, and I thought that made me better for everyone else. It was a badge of honor that no one liked me. Until I became an adult and it dawned on me that it’s impossible to get anywhere in life if literally no one likes you.
Some amount of peer pressure is a good thing. It’s what maintains social cohesion. It’s what makes people internalize a common set of values (and yes, everyone has personal values, even if yours are different from others’ or the mainstream, you do still have values, and if you share them with others within a subculture then they are socially enforced, just like any other). Peer pressure teaches people “right from wrong,” and “acceptable from unacceptable” behavior. Without it, everyone would be deviant and ego-centric.
So the problem isn’t “don’t give in to peer pressure,” it’s teaching “what peer pressure to follow, and what to reject.”
I’m on my soap box because part of the reason I’m such a maladjusted adult is because as a kid I was sheltered and isolated from a “sinful world,” and never learned the social norms that most people do, that come so naturally to most people that by the time they reach adulthood they don’t even think about them. I’m just expected to know certain things, certain social scripts and faux pas, and if I don’t or it’s not so intuitive that it’s just my default subconscious reaction, then people view that as “immature” or “deviant” or “deliberate misbehavior,” when the fact is I’m doing the best I can, I tried for decades to learn how to be normal, but no matter what I do or how many times I analyze patterns or try to emulate the behavior I see, it’s never enough, it’s never quite right, there’s always something wrong with it because there’s always another layer or detail or nuance that I don’t understand. I can literally never make up for those formative years of social development that I missed growing up, because the adults in my life were trying to “protect” me from the outside world…
It does seem like a lot of the world is still paying for that though. (“the world is a little safer if you wear a mask” -> votes far right to protect their freedom)
That reminds me of a time I was in a small party. I said something to my friend and a girl suddenly excitedly said “YAY! You speak as well!” That shut me up for the rest of the evening lol. I didn’t know how to respond to that, I didn’t even finish saying what I was saying to my friend.
I’ve always been the quiet one. I’ve always been fine with being the quiet one, I kind of like to listen to people. But when she said that, I got very confused and it sort of bothered me for a bit. Not for long though, I decided that she was the weird one.
My response to that has always been, “Yeah, but I don’t blurt out whatever stupid shit rattles around in my head.”
Quiet people serve as a mirror to people who can’t shut up. That becomes uncomfortable for people who don’t like what they see.
There are so many offensive things you can say to pregnants, i hope you thought of one.
sounds like that coworker likes to be center of attention. its definitely a passive aggressive statement, shes basically saying a “loner with no social skills, probably a wierdo because you arnt social, and saying her daughter wont grow up to be a loser”. its the same as saying “no offense” but say something offense to you.
Real foot in her mouth moment
Edit: ITT: Lemmings in denile that their personal problems are mostly due to their lack of social skills, not capitalism.
Because being “a quiet person” almost universally indicates some kind of problem that is or is going to hold you back in life. It usually indicates that you have social anxiety, poorly developed social skills, have a negative outlook and disposition, have little confidence in yourself or your opinions, are just plain dumb or dull, some other weird thing, or some combination of the above.
Being “introverted” is a typical excuse quiet people use. But the actual definition of introversion just means you have a greater affinity for alone time - not that you rarely speak in social situations. Being quiet is corrolated with being introverted - if you have a larger affinity for alone time, you will likely practice socializing less frequently, leading to less confidence, leading to a greater aversion to social situations, which can become a viscuous cycle. But this is a skill issue, not an intrinsic character trait, and people with greater introversion can and do excell in any number of social situations all the time.
Meanwhile, being a “quiet person” will hamstring you in basically every aspect of life. Humans are social animals, and being able to socialize effectively is one of the biggest advantages you can have.
Want to get good grades in school? Well teachers are more willing to give you a break or extra help if they know you because you talk to them. Other classmates are more willing to form study groups with you. You’ll have a better chance of forming a team with the smartest kids for class projects.
Want to excell in your career? It helps if you are a chatterbox who interviews well. It helps if you love meeting new people in your industry and form a big network of people who like you. It helps if you can have a fun conversation with your boss, or your boss’s boss, or your boss’s boss’s boss’s boss. So you really still believe, in this day and age, that if you quietly keep your head down and get your work done better than everyone else, that you will be first in line for raises and promotions? No! Your ability to perform useful tasks quickly means that you probably won’t get fired - but mostly because it means that they expect that they’ll be able to save on the budget, since you’ll never have the courage to ask for anything more than an inflation raise. And being promoted is mostly about giving you authority over others - and who the fuck is going to respect the authority of someone who never speaks and can’t hold anyone’s eye contact?
Want to have friends? A large and diverse social group who can support you in times of need? Help you fix your car, give you a couch to crash on, give you career advice, invite you to join in fun new hobbies, give you a sense of warmth and community, and be your emotional support system when your whole life goes sideways? Well guess what? Most people only really care about someone else if they know that person, and the primary way you know a person is by listening to them talk about things. Sure, as a quiet person you will probably gain a small group of close friends who you actually can speak freely with - but someone who speaks freely with everyone will have 10x the social connections or more. A quiet and reserved person can lean on their circle of a half dozen friends in time of need. A social, charismatic person can get help from someone they met once, ten years ago, in a different country. And even if the quiet person truly loves their small circle of friends - life happens. People get busy with jobs, or kids. They move to different places. They change their priorities in life. People die. Friend circles which aren’t consistently adding new members tend to dwindle over time, and you could very easily end up completely alone if you never developed the skill of meeting new people and developing relationships with them.
And dating? I don’t care if you want a white picket fence and a golden retriever, or want to blow your load on a different pair of titties every night of the week - quiet people get fucked in dating. Wait. No. The opposite of that… Yeah, they typically aren’t getting fucked. At least not by the people they want. Forget about any talk of “game” or charisma - the biggest factor in dating success is literally just the number of attractive strangers you say “hi” to. If you have a hard time going up to a stranger and saying “hi”, if you join a conversation by entering the circle and then never say a word, or if you rarely show up to social events where there are new people present, then your pool of potential dates will be extremely limited solely because you can’t end up dating someone that you never say a word to. And beyond playing the numbers game - hey guys, what do women want? Everyone say it with me - CONFIDENCE. Okay, so how is any given woman going to know you are confident? Probably by the fact that you walk into a social situation smiling and eager to talk to people, because you are confident that people will like you, and you are confident that meeting new people will be fun. And girls - ya know when you see the guy who shows up to the party and everyone cheers when he walks in? The guy who has amazing hair and a hot body and who spends his weekends taking disadvantaged urban youth on backpacking trips? Sure, maybe he’ll take a shine to you and have a fling, and maybe that will turn into something long term - but if he’s looking for a girlie to be a long term partner, who is he getting obsessed with? Probably the girl who is dashing around the room squeeling with joy every time a new person arrives and giving them a huge hug, the girl who is excitedly talking about her hobbies, job, or emotional revelations to a circle of smiling friends and acquaintances, the girl who is grabbing people and dragging them onto the dance floor to get the party started. Sure, statistically everyone finds someone, eventually… but the people who are having a good time and getting compliments from their friends about their amazing new partner, are going to be the people who talk a lot to a lot of people.
This isn’t to say that quiet people can’t be happy, can’t have friends or partners, or can’t succeed in life. And maybe someone will say that this whole analysis is shallow and misguided, and that pursuing any of these things by opening their mouth and speaking more would be a betrayal of their deep inner self or something. But this is kind of like choosing to be homeless because getting any kind of job would be a betrayal of the cause of overthrowing the capitalists and creating a utopian society. Like, if you really feel that way, I guess I can’t change your mind - but its not the life I would choose for myself, and I can understand why someone wouldn’t want it for their child.
On the other hand some people could stand to say a little less.
I don’t disagree
Pro tip: you can save 1/3 words by just saying “I agree.”
Sorry, I’m not very witty
I find that a little witty.
Some of us are quiet because we’ve learned the value of thinking before we speak.
Some of us are quiet because we’re listening. I’ve made some very solid friendships that way.
This is basically a masturbatory defence mechanism - claiming that an obvious flaw is actually an asset. I’m not saying you should just vomit out every word that comes into your head. But this kind of statement implies that there are the oh-so-very-smart-and-thoughtful quiet people, stoicly listening in their wise wisdom, and then the loud, vulgar idiots who endlessly blather on. They probably eat fast food and watch reality tv, too.
But… no. Being thoughtful and choosing your words carefully, being kind, understanding what other people are saying before you speak. That’s all great. That doesn’t mean you’re “quiet”. Thoughtful people will still interject with their own views, ask followup questions, or push back on things they disagree with. All of which require speaking - and so if you do these things regularly, you won’t be “that quiet person who never speaks”
Fuck off with that judgmenal bullshit
Completely accurate no notes. My introversion has nothing to do with the social anxiety that cripples my social life.
Still, pretty tactless to blurt that out to OP.
I don’t disagree. Very tactless.
I’m an extrovert and while some of what you’ve said has merit you’re really overstating it. I’ve had plenty of quiet people in my life who are more successful than me. Meanwhile my mom and I with our shared ability to chat with most people and keep talking for hours on end have faced plenty of struggles due to our shared difficulties with not doing that.
Though I will concede you are right in that it’s really good at getting you laid.
Also it’s just rude as hell to tell someone you hope your kid doesn’t turn out like them.
I mean, knowing when not to talk is a skill, too.
And (supposing we’re talking about income or wealth as the metric for success) I’m not saying no given quiet person can be more successful than a talkative person. But all things being equal, the person who is more confident and at ease talking to others and making connections will be more successful.
Also it’s just rude as hell to tell someone you hope your kid doesn’t turn out like them.
I don’t disagree
it will hold you back in life
not to say they cant be happy and successful tho
ok
All things being equal, someone who is able and willing to converse normally will get more of what they want out of life than someone who is not.
Get em dude
This comment is my submission to this thread, lmao. You rarely see someone spew out so many words and get so little right.
really feel that way, I guess I can’t change your mind - but its not the life I would choose for myself,
therein lies the rub.
reading that it seems you’ve mistaken confidence for competence, a connon enough mistake.
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt. - Bertrand Russell
“All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.” — Blaise Pascal
I feel like this analysis is serious enough to warrant a bigger response, but as I am short on time I will just say that sometimes I simply don’t have much to add and would rather mostly observe.
Yeah, I mean, everyone does that. There’s a difference between not feeling talkative because you are tired or sad or the conversation doesn’t interest you, and being “that guy who has said 3 words in the last 3 months”
I’m having a conversation with a family member. Somehow the topic of firefighters comes up. She pauses, looks very thoughtful for a moment, then asks, “Do you not like firefighters, either?”
“What? Why would I not like firefighters?”
“Like how you don’t like police.”
She knows me well. I boggle at how my distaste for cops could be this misunderstood.
No one becomes a firefighter because they enjoy wielding authority over other people
True but this can be acquired. I love watching fire marshals whetting their moustaches with glee before they shut down some stupid dangerous event.
Haha that very much feels like a case of justified hierarchy
I boggle at how my distaste for cops could be this misunderstood.
Emergency response is emergency response. Tell us how you hate ambulances upsetting the commute.
Fuck SAR. Did you ever ask whether those people want to be found?
Can’t not think of that George Carlin quote: “If crime fighters fight crime and firefighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?”
a couple weeks ago my partner said something to the effect that i’ve always improved since she’s known me. it surprised and really touched me and i couldn’t help but cry a bit every time i thought about it for days afterward. i don’t usually think very highly of myself, and that just really cut me to the core (in a good way).
I said something similar to my wife just a few days ago. She amazes me every day. I may not know you, but your clearly partner sees you like I see my wife, and I am so damn proud of her. I’m proud of you, too.
Thats positive, I like it! You’re doing well!
Nice to see a positive surprise in the thread.
My boss, her boss, her boss’s boss, the big boss (who reports to the CEO) and I are on a meeting last week.
At the beginning of the meeting there were some pleasantries being shared. The big boss shared her kid was going to be featured in some large chess tournament
My boss replies “that’s great. What kind of chess does he play?”
I was shocked because there is only one type of chess just like there is only one type of checkers. Yes I know there is 4-d chess, Star Trek chess, and chess game variants. But typically there is only one type of chess.
The big boss answers “You know chess. He is a grand master.”
My boss replies “Grand master. Does that mean he is a performing magician?”
I sat there looking at my screen in shock. My boss had not idea what grand masters are.
The big boss had to explain the chess grand masters to her.
To be fair there’s several ‘types’ of Chess, like Bullet, Blitz, Rapid, etc…, and it’s not uncommon for high-level players to specialize in some of them. But given that they didn’t know what a GM is they probably didn’t know that either.
There’s also chess960, where the positions of the pieces are randomized (with constraints). I like it because it removes memorization of positions as a factor.
That’s interesting, one of the reasons why I don’t like chess at all is that it’s usually a memory game so you either need to memorize lots of plays or you will always lose to someone who has.
I was giving your boss the benefit of the doubt for the first statement-- you could call the different time controls “kinds of chess”. No idea what would possess someone to say that second one though.
About 10 minutes ago my plumber said my problem may cost in the neighborhood of $30k to fix. Yay.
Time to contact more plumbers for estimates.
Instructions unclear. I now have 30000 plumber appointments
I had a small plumbing leak that cost me $700 to fix. There was some water damage but insurance will cover it.
The cost to remove the water - $10k The cost to rebuild after the water leak - $60k
The way our floor was laid makes it impossible to fix just the affected area. They need to tear up the entire kitchen, living room, and hallways.
Six weeks of construction and while they are tearing up the kitchen we have no fridge.
Fridge is just a standard plug usually, move it and plug it somewhere else?
we have a similar situation with our shower, it would likely cost 10s of thousands to fix it, because water is leaking somewhere and its not really accessible.
Dayum. What’s the issue?
Sewer line is sagging, so there’s a 30ft section that is trapping anything that gets flushed or drained. I called them out to fix a backup, and they found why it backed up alright.
He had to leave to get a better locator to see exactly where in the yard/street would need to be dug up, but it seems to be pretty close to the city connection, so probably in or near the street, which could make the cost that high if it involves excavating the road.
Oof. Where I live, if the problem is within four? feet of the city’s main line the city takes responsibility for fixing it. Bad luck, cousin.
Replacing a small section of sewer line costs 30k? That sounds absurd.
shouldnt that be on the cities dime?
Do you have insurance that covers it?
Ye olde septic system finally quit?
I had a girlfriend many years ago who asked me to disconnect the ventilation fan in her bathroom. When I asked why, she said, and I quote “That’s for people who smell when they go to the bathroom”.
This fellow human was literally telling me her shit don’t stink. I was flabbergasted…
Using them for that is fine, but they are for getting the humid air out when you shower/bath!
LOL. Meanwhile I’m scheming to replace the switch in their bathroom with a motion sensor, because my housemates will just routinely stink up the entire hallway and shuffle back to bed. Like the switch is RIGHT THERE?! C’MON‽
Home automation master race checking in. Do it. I had the same issue so I replaced the switch with a relay paired with sensors for motion, humidity and, ahem, volatile organic compounds (eg stink, stenk, stunk and stank). It solved a number of issues.
That sounds AWESOME. I was just thinking of those little replacement motion sensor switches you sometimes see in public buildings but this sounds way cooler.
…Also sounds perfect for my other wishlist project: To make a vent system like this for the litter box to siphon all that inevitable dust and stank. X_X A sensor relay like that sounds PERFECT.
Not to be a mega newb but, know where I might start to look for something like this? 😅
Awesome
“You’re an atheist because you want to rebel against God!” - My mother 😭
I’m sorry if that was upsetting to you to hear, but that’s actually sick as fuck and a way cooler reason to be atheist than just cuz religion is implausible
Oh, no worries, I was more incredulous than upset. We had talked about religion at length over the years and even managed to nudge her away from organized religion at this point (thank god). I thought she understood where I was coming from, and then out of the blue, she tells me this on the rare occasion we argued, and I’m speechless.
Was she wrong 😉
She read Dom Juan ?
Well, when I tried to explain in a privacy community that ditching WhatsApp is nearly impossible in Brazil, then the guy answered me with “either you’re a part of the problem, or you’re a part of the solution”.
He did get you there
My sister and I were chit chatting about our kids and their milestones, etc. Super normal type of conversation, especially for us since we don’t get along well to begin with and we try to stick to topics that aren’t inflammatory. The topic of what age we were when we started menstruating came up.
She stopped me mid-sentence in order to correct me about what age I was when I started my period. Not her age, she stopped me to correct my own retelling of my own personal history because “she remembered better”.
It was one of the only times I told her to her face that she was being rude.
Thats wild
I think I can see the gist of, just about every argument you’ve had with your sister, from that one explanation alone.
Talking to a relative about people in his retirement community, he told me “A lot of the people here can’t afford health insurance on their fixed incomes. If something happens to them, they just die.” And, as I was thinking how horrible that was, he switched gears to “Did you hear about how those democrats want to try and mess with healthcare again? I swear they won’t be happy until I’m broke!”
What’s up?
I think they are saying the post above yours stunned them.
He/you didn’t read the last sentence in my post then.
There’s always something coming out of this goddamn administration. Pick one.
Nah, did you notice the last sentence in my post in all caps? I wanted to avoid a thread near exclusively filled with that shit.
My wife works in a cancer center. One patient undergoing chemo told her, “If I wake up and can put two feet on the floor, it’s a good. day.”
That’s nice
Given OP’s example, this comment stunned me. Then I realized (or hoped) you were “stunned” by the implications of their difficult time and not because they sounded profoundly ignorant.
Despite her prognosis and the pain she was going through, she was thankful for another day of life.
A few years ago, I’m having lunch with a friend, we’re talking about how bitcoin is all over the news. He then asked me, “Where are these mines they make those in?” We’ve both worked in high tech for many years.
lol, sounds like a “dad joke” – stealing it! :D
Was going to the gym for a while back in like 2015 (still do, but I used to too) and was feeling so much better than usual.
I asked my roommate who was one of my best friends at the time if he’d be interested in coming too as it would probably be really fun and motivating if we went together. Dead serious he hit me with “nah, I don’t wanna get too buff.”
🤨 WAT
I think I offended him a bit with my incredulous response. I honestly couldn’t even believe what I heard. Dude was a string bean and would have needed a hard year at the gym to even get remotely “buff”. I was truly dumbfounded.
A lot of people don’t realize how much of a lifestyle change and commitment it takes to even begin to look kind of like a bodybuilder. A lot of genuinely smart people think going to the gym twice a week would give them more muscle than they know what to do with. Yeah it’s stupid, but it’s a common misconception.
Edit: here’s a post I found about it: https://www.girlsgonestrong.com/blog/articles/big-and-bulky/ it’s about women, who worry about this a lot more than men, but I’ll bet a lot of it applies to both genders.
and also taking roids, and PEDS. theres a sub that bans you even for implying roids, they dont like thier members getting called out on cheating with roids, to lose weight to jacked in a short amount of itme.
Lol and here’s me not even bothering with going to the gym because it takes too long to get any result.
Lol, hittin the weights like Scratchy
