Based off a post I made on Reddit a while back. Hope y’all enjoy.
Edit: Since people are mentioning it - the stat buffs do not matter. I was being silly when I threw those in. But yes, the scale is 0-100.
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Coin
Look, the glasses are nice and all, but they don’t give you a 50% change to win the lottery and randomly realise a way to prove/disprove the Riemann hypothesis every two weeks
I wonder how this works with elections. In my country, the votes are counted within 12 hours. When I’m voting on a party, I am attempting to make said party the largest one. Does the coin just give me a 50% chance to unilaterally decide my government every election cycle?
Edit: oh shit, it’s not 50% chance, but 100% after it came into effect once. The first time it lands on heads, try to guess the next flip’s outcome by guessing it would be heads. Since the coin is in effect, this guess is correct, even though the next coin will only be flipped in two weeks
In other words, the coin just gives you reality warping for halve a day every two weeks
It says “everything the user attempts” which technically you can guess what the next coin result will be correctly but your guess will stop being lucky after 12 hours and your attempt won’t be lucky.
Coin sounds the best tbh. It’s an infinite money with extra benefits.
I’m assuming there’s a downside, like you have to commit to whatever thing you were planning before the flip. So like I say I’m going to slap a cop, and then I flip the coin, hoping for the best.
Maybe the effect only lasts until you look which side of the coin came up - so you won’t know how it will go until you’ve tried it. :D
Does the coin just give me a 50% chance to unilaterally decide my government every election cycle?
No, this one is the most like a “monkey’s paw” on this list. Here’s why:
everything the user attempts will work out in their favor
For instance, the worst possible candidate in your district/country is absolutely going to lower your taxes. Doesn’t matter who you want to win.
Get fatigue mask.
Work out until completely destroyed
Put on mask
Wake up refreshed
Rinse repeat until I can crush stones between fingers
Dig a lithium mine by hand
Dominate the battery market and develop affordable electric vehicles
Use money to build large tubes
Use personal strength to javalin throw that shit into space
Get obscenely rich
Buy facebook actually make it better
Change name legally to: Fuck you Elon Musk
Cooldown: 20 hours
Never heard of a 20 hour workout?
But I mean if you are throwing stuff into space I mean you might actually need to work out that long.
You sound like a Musk apologist
Coin is overpowered af. Just flip the coin and buy a lottery. At that precise moment, all other items are practically useless.
You can hire a cook, sleep, buy whatever you need, hire people to do your bidding. Who needs charisma when they have money?
It is overpowered af but don’t use it to get money. Use it to get the charisma glasses and each of the others during your first 12 hours (coincidently, they will all be close and easy to grab). Then attempt to write out an exhaustive list of any other objects or abilities that might threaten you (or maybe start with this one, as the glasses are the only one that threatens you from the original list). I’d say hopefully no one else has some other object or ability that warns them of anything that might threaten them, but yours might nullify theirs during your 12 hours. Attempt to deal with the list before half the time has passed.
Then start attempting to gain new abilities. Or attempt to find 28 more coins. 28 instead of 27 so that you can flip the next coin before the current one runs out and never fail the next flip. The sleep mask ensures you never sleep through a transition. Not that you’ll even need the ability to be constantly active.
“Anything you attempt” is waaaaay too broad.
Absolutely. I was assuming one can only access to one item.
Yeah I was going to choose the sleep mask until I saw the coin. If everything goes my way then I effectively have the powers of the glasses and the frying pan, plus unlimited luxury from lotteries, discoveries, opportunities, etc. The cooldown needs to be nerfed, or maybe add a negative debuff to the tails side.
If I equip the shoes and the frying pan, I can RP as the scout from tf2.
BONK
I’m not even winded!
If I had to put these on a personal tier list
S Tier:
-
Cool Glasses - As someone on the spectrum who is below-average in terms of physical attractiveness, the one thing I sorely lack is rizz. The ability to put on a pair of glasses and be able to automatically pass any job interview, make any new friends, sell any product, chat up any woman, etc would be massive. Also, no cooldown.
-
Fatigue Masking Mask - Gaining an extra 7 waking hours of time in a day is massive. If you’re productive this is the artifact to go for.
? Tier:
- Caffeinated Shoes - This item is either moderately © to insanely (A) useful depending on its limitations. If you can skim across entire oceans at superhuman speed then that’s massive. If you lack superhuman reflexes and will get splattered into a fine bloody mist from colliding with anything then it becomes a lot less useful.
B Tier:
- Frying Pan of Flavor Town - Unless it’s a massive cast iron pan, don’t expect to be opening up restaurants with it. It’s best reserved for your own nutrition and impressing guests with your cooking.
C Tier:
- Lucky Penny - A 50% chance of having incredible luck for twelve hours once every fortnight seems great, but the cooldown is prohibitive. Also, unless RNGesus has bad luck protection, there is an incredibly slim chance that none of the 2000 or so times you get to use this item will yield any changes. Also, good luck can still wear off after those twelve hours.
D Tier:
- Underwear of Fe’Breeze - Personal hygiene doesn’t take up much time, and with the right environment and lifestyle you can easily build up a habit. This one is just the least useful.
I agree with all of this except for the penny. If it makes everything you try go right for 12 hours, you could do some pretty awesome and life-changing stuff, even if it has a long cool down! It could be A or S tier depending on how you use it
I mean… A vial of Felix Felicis with twelve hour effectiveness and a 50% chance to proc once every fortnight… Maybe I am underestimating it.
The shoes are really a wild card on the list since they are percentage based. On Usain Bolt they might as well be the Winged Sandals of Mercury, but on my flabby ass they’d just make me a fairly competent runner.
Plus… Underwear is until un equipped. Imagine about to get sexy time and you need to take them off. Lots of vomit will suddenly appear.
Depends on how it mitigates bad odor and poor hygiene. If it pauses rather than masks what harms your hygiene, then you’re all good. Otherwise… 🤢🤢🤮
I just overall think it’s not a useful artifact.
-
I would go crazy just to have the fatigue masking mask.
1 hour… fully rested??? Assuming one gets 8 hours of sleep a night (though, who is really getting 8 a night on lemmy?), you’ve just converted your ratio of sleep-to-awake from 1:2 to 1:23.
Extreme change imo, plus gives you the benefit of having time to take care of your hygiene anyway.
I’ve always been envious of people with great social skills. I could accomplish a lot more if I had them. The glasses for sure.
Agreed. Wish I understood just how much more important spcial skills are over a professional skill.
That underwear is cracked, gimme gimme.
also the coin holy shit, time to do some crimes
Or just gamble legally. Start with straight-up casino gambling, work your way to 100k, do investment gambling using the coin every chance you can, get yourself to 10mill, do property and hedge investing, eventually you don’t need the coin, save it for when you absolutely need it while your money makes money and you actually live a comfortable easy life
The lucky penny is broken af. For example, you can use it to replicate everything else on the list or learn abilities to match them or better.
Basically, it’s exactly how luck is purported to work in various fictional universes. It’s kinda similar to Constantine’s (hellblazer) ability.
Edit: I am seeing people disagree with the penny, but unless the penny is magical in not only giving you luck but also in how the flip goes you can practice to make the flip go in your favour by practicing (I have been able to take the equivalent of a penny in my country and make it fall on the exact side I want almost every time)
With no explicit negative feedback and the penny going dormant in between, you can absolutely practice it. Hell make it so the first time you get the lucky heads you both practice and attempt to make the penny’s lucky effect permanent or at least semipermanent so that it goes in your favour the next fortnight you are supposed to flip it (if it can’t be made permanent without flipping)
I think the major limit in the penny is the phrasing… “Works out in your favor” isn’t the same as “succeed with your desired outcome.”
That lotto ticket might win $6, the supermodel you asked out can say no, but respect you for asking…
The mask, the penny, and (depending on how hand-wavey you get) the glasses, are on a different power level than the other two.
7 extra hours of life per day, at full rest?
On demand money(gambling), or better(anything else, like applying at a school), though unreliably, once a month?
Auto-navigate to your desired outcome when other people are involved?
Yeah, life-breaking shit
Nope. The mask only works for one hour. It takes 30 seconds to fall asleep. So you can never get the hour it takes to be fully rested.
Nope. The writing is deterministic. "The wearer 1. falls asleep (time amount) after wearing, AND 2. awakens (time amount) later, feeling fully rested.
One doesn’t depend on the other. It’s just what the mask does, step by step.
I only worry if it makes it impossible to wake up at all…
Take the underwear and go into the deep ocean or outer space.
Unlimited fresh breath is an invaluable bonus.
…
“Listen here, you little shit”
Until you get crushed by pressure or frozen from near zero temps
Easily the penny. The mask is tempting to have more time in my day but I can just gamble and make a ton of money meaning I wouldn’t have to work. It would also help with a ton of other stuff.
I already have the frying pan
My nigga.
You can’t have my frying pan, but supper’s at 6, the pan will have mac and cheese in it tonight, made with twisty noodles instead of elbows and my bechamel based cheese mix has about 6 kinds of cheese topped with more cheese and panko.
I was sold on the mask at “the wearer go falls asleep in 30 seconds” then read the rest. Undeniably the best one here.
Sincerely, a night owl who takes forever to fall asleep, and is perpetually tired
I was like f yeah let these glasses turn into superpowers but then yeah, it’s not even a contest. 1 hr and fully rested is OP, you have to keep it quiet though, don’t let your employer know, or anyone else, or the things become mandatory.
Glasses.
Look, everyone votes for penny, but really if your social skills are exceptional, rendering you able to “flawlessly navigate social situations”, you can get a lot of it anytime.
Want a super high paying job? Glasses! Wanna hit that girl? Glasses! Wanna get anything you want? Stay cool, with the use of glasses!
Penny does seem OP, but only for as long as it’s active, and while it is on cooldown (which is, on average, a month) you live your regular life with all the misery, and even if you’ve managed to accumulate money and influence through your lucky streaks, there’s always a lot that can go wrong. Besides, a random nature of a penny means you can never rely on it, and always have to assume you’ll lose. Betting on a penny makes you the ultimate RNG person, with dramatic rises and even more dramatic falls. Betting on glasses makes you insanely powerful on demand. Always. Anytime.
yeah but- you can get a high paying job, successfully hit on that girl, and so much more with the penny, yeah it’s only a 12h effect every two weeks (if you’re lucky) but during those 12hours you are a god
Glasses are cool and all but you start to disappoint as soon as you take them off. Finding a girl that you will like forever that really likes you for who you are is a coin skill.
Fair criticism
Wanna hit that girl?
:: glasses get knocked off during raucous sex ::
Oh. Oh no…
