sadly, not a shitpost, I see monogamy as unethical. relationships aren’t sports, aren’t property, you cannot “cheat” to win, it makes no sense.
lying is a problem.
if my partner came from a conference and told me she got railed by half the conference attendants I’ll be glad she enjoyed herself. and if she wouldn’t trust me to tell the truth it means there was no relationship to begin with as there’s no trust.
no idea why most people are obsessed with controlling their partners genitals.
So gay sex isn’t real sex? if my partner reaches menopause, it isn’t sex?
Find me exactly, where in the human manual and rules it says so? oh wait, it doesn’t exist. we are free to make our own rules and relationships as we please.
Loyalty? tf is that for. I want my partner to be with me because they want to be with me, not because they swore an oath to only fuck me.
My concent overrides my partners concent when it comes to her body.
It doesn’t, but everybody is free to decide whether, how and when they wanna have sex with a person again. For example not having (unprotected penetrative) sex for one to four months could be a response to a partner having (unprotected penetrative) sex with somebody they didn’t know. That’s already a more open minded approach.
you cannot “cheat” to win
You cheat if you have an agreement and you break it. That’s pretty much it. That can also happen with poly.
You can have agreements to make it easier/safer to have unprotected or messy sex.
The main reasons are probably offsprings and STIs. One is how invested a person will or has to be if a pregnancy was to happen. The other is about condoms, prevention, testing and so forth. It’s also easier to judge if you only have to consider one or a low amount of people. (Not that I’ve ever had sex.)
If you have a relationship with someone who doesn’t care about STDs or pregnancy scares, then that’s on you, don’t have irresponsible partners. yhea, what they did is stupid and dangerous, but it only affects you if you concent to be with them. if they lie about it, that’s another problem, and I would consider it as them raping you as you did not have informed concent.
We use protection with strangers and test every 3 months.
byw, I talk about poly, but I personally only have bandwidth for one person, she has her dates, and I’m happy for her. and I have my heart open form other people if they appear magically in my house but I’m not actively looking for more partners. When she took a break from dating I jokes that were acidentally monogamous.
if they lie about it […]s them raping you as you did not have informed concent.
Lying and betrayal are the core issues of cheating. Although what counts as cheating varies, since it is based on implicit and explicit agreements.
Cheating can also happen by accident if implicit agreements are used, but different ones by both parties. One party would still feel betrayed even if it wasn’t intentional.
then that’s on you, don’t have irresponsible partners.
That’s probably why you get downvoted that much. If your partner doesn’t behave how you expect them to and breaks your agreements, that’s not on you. If they also lie, even less.
We use protection with strangers and test every 3 months.
What would you do if your partner cheated on you? Decided to go for a creampie once, but doesn’t tell you because they know that overstepped your boundaries and that knowledge would hurt you?
Or slightly different scenario: Decided to go for a creampie once, but tells you that the condom broke.
I exist mostly without relationships. I can barely fathom living with one romantic person. If that person then was able to execute sexual acts with others on a regular basis with relative ease I dont think we’d be compatible because our lives would be too different, experiences too different.
I can imagine, however, a different scenario wherein both of us pay for professional, independent sex workers occasionally-primarily themselves that are also adept in therapeutic massage. Maybe. But still it does seem like an odd zeitgeist for romantic relationships right now.
All relationships are unique, and there are no (there are, but there shouldn’t be) guidelines on what makes a relationship real or not.
I have bad cPTSD from a previous DV relationship and I get nightmarish flashback episodes when I get in romantic relationships, so me and my partners agreed that I’m not able to have romantic relationships. so our relationship is defined by what we agreed on (look into “relationship smorgasbord”), we have intimacy, because human to human touch and affection is something I need regularly and she does too. and I encourage her to find the romantic affection with other partners. overall it’s a healthy relationship based on trust communication and care.
the notion of only one acceptable form of relationship is so primitive, based on medieval property rights and religion. build you own relationships however you want/need/able.
ps: this school of thought isnt Ethical non-monogamy, but “relationship anarchy”.
“all relationships are unique, and there are no (there are, but there shouldn’t be) guidelines on what makes a relationship real or not […] build your own relationship however you want/need/able”
Also you
“I still think monogomy is unethical and it’s cruel to expect that of a partner” (paraphrased)
Lol, lmao even
Not very relationship-anarchic of you to hierarchisize relationships, with some being inherently more ethical than others
It’s interesting you say you dont get why people are so obsessed with other people’s genitals, when you seemingly care very much about the supposed unethicalness of other adults consentual sex lives. You’ve somehow managed to flip the very same ideological structure that has allowed poly people to be prosecuted historically, and just pointed that oppressive structure at monogamous folks instead. It’s in essence the very same mechanism just with the details flipped.
I think you should reflect upon that. It’s obvious from your comments that there’s the same sort of mechanism at play as when traditionalists prejudice poly people. It’s a failure to empathize. Some things work best for some people, and that’s okay, let them live in their way, and some other things work best for some other people, and that’s okay too, also let them live in their way.
me: I think slavery is bad because it unfairly controls other people
You: you are the unethical one. trying to control what other people do with lives
not a serious answer, doesn’t warrant a serious response.
instead of pointing why my grievances with monogamy are wrong, (mentioned repeatedly in many of the threads that spawn here), you just made up a bs reason why any moral standards is unethical.
I also find it ironic how you managed to compare monogamy to slavery, and then proceed to call me the unserious one. I dont see how they are comparable at all.
How is a relationship wherein both people agree that, as long as they are together they only have sex with one another, and, if that agreement can no longer be honored, to go their separate ways, be unethical? Thats consent and boundary establishment and free association all the way through…
Social punishment for cheating, is often social isolation. I don’t think a minor victimless infraction warrant said punishment.
And the fact that there’s another person who has the right to consent on your own body sounds very iffy.
Also, we treat “monogamy” as a natural thing. it isn’t. if it was, there would be no divorces, breakups, or affairs.
Also the state and religions push monogamy as the upmost important relationship in someone’s life, rather than community, which atomises people and destroys communities with the modern invention of “nuclear family”. where evey need is comodified rather than being provided by a community.
Social punishment isnt inherent to the social relation we call monogamy, thats social norms, a connected but different thing. We can all agree social norms often disparage people, but again different conversation.
And its not ‘a fact’ that people in monogamous relations have consent over the other persons body, in fact, they only have consent over their own. If the other person doesnt want to do monogamy, they are free to pursue that type of relation on their own. Thats their choice, as it is the monogamous persons choice to not stay in a relationship with a partner that doesnt want a monogamous relationship. Insisting they have to be together, irregardles of the wishes of the other person, sounds unproductive and unhealthy to me.
“We treat monogamy as a natural thing” i dont. I recognize societal norms propogate one type of relationship, but that is once again a different conversation than the supposed ethicalness of a specific social dynamic. The dynamic an sich is different from the norms around it.
Dont let your grievences with the system become judgements of the people caught within.
I swear, erotador makes one small comment about being poly and it turns into a winding ass thread about the ethics of monogamy. I may be poly, but if I was in a relationship with the expectation of monogamy, I’d feel betrayed if they then broke that expectation without telling me. The problem wouldn’t be that they slept with someone, the problem would be that they lied. They would be free to be with whoever they want, but all of my relationships are contingent on open communication. If that communication isn’t there, then the agreement is broken.
I mentioned somewhere here that I consider putting such expectations on someone unethical. If my partner has an affair they would tell me and I would be happy for her or neutral, but if they were hiding it, and lying then there was no really a relationship to begin with, just a lie that should end sooner than later.
And in another thread, I said that the social punishment for people who cheat is too severe, often being social isolation. For an infraction I would personally consider as bad as cheating on a diet. For something that causes no harm to anyone.
Quality shitpost reply, I think people forget what community they’re in here.
sadly, not a shitpost, I see monogamy as unethical. relationships aren’t sports, aren’t property, you cannot “cheat” to win, it makes no sense.
lying is a problem.
if my partner came from a conference and told me she got railed by half the conference attendants I’ll be glad she enjoyed herself. and if she wouldn’t trust me to tell the truth it means there was no relationship to begin with as there’s no trust.
no idea why most people are obsessed with controlling their partners genitals.
Because Sex is not like watching a movie, for entertainment.
It is a natural process you do with the mate you choose to generate offspring.
If you do it with others than your mate, it is disloyalty
Damn, that is one Christian tradwife take.
So gay sex isn’t real sex? if my partner reaches menopause, it isn’t sex?
Find me exactly, where in the human manual and rules it says so? oh wait, it doesn’t exist. we are free to make our own rules and relationships as we please.
Loyalty? tf is that for. I want my partner to be with me because they want to be with me, not because they swore an oath to only fuck me.
In that case I rescind my vote. Also 🖕
Damn, I’m willing to talk, been honest in all the threads that this conversation has spawned.
I get that it is an unpopular opinion, but still. not like I insulted you.
I even made sure to clarify that it wasn’t a troll opinion, because I value honesty.
It doesn’t, but everybody is free to decide whether, how and when they wanna have sex with a person again. For example not having (unprotected penetrative) sex for one to four months could be a response to a partner having (unprotected penetrative) sex with somebody they didn’t know. That’s already a more open minded approach.
You cheat if you have an agreement and you break it. That’s pretty much it. That can also happen with poly.
You can have agreements to make it easier/safer to have unprotected or messy sex.
The main reasons are probably offsprings and STIs. One is how invested a person will or has to be if a pregnancy was to happen. The other is about condoms, prevention, testing and so forth. It’s also easier to judge if you only have to consider one or a low amount of people. (Not that I’ve ever had sex.)
If you have a relationship with someone who doesn’t care about STDs or pregnancy scares, then that’s on you, don’t have irresponsible partners. yhea, what they did is stupid and dangerous, but it only affects you if you concent to be with them. if they lie about it, that’s another problem, and I would consider it as them raping you as you did not have informed concent.
We use protection with strangers and test every 3 months.
byw, I talk about poly, but I personally only have bandwidth for one person, she has her dates, and I’m happy for her. and I have my heart open form other people if they appear magically in my house but I’m not actively looking for more partners. When she took a break from dating I jokes that were acidentally monogamous.
(for the record: I didn’t downvote you)
Lying and betrayal are the core issues of cheating. Although what counts as cheating varies, since it is based on implicit and explicit agreements.
Cheating can also happen by accident if implicit agreements are used, but different ones by both parties. One party would still feel betrayed even if it wasn’t intentional.
That’s probably why you get downvoted that much. If your partner doesn’t behave how you expect them to and breaks your agreements, that’s not on you. If they also lie, even less.
What would you do if your partner cheated on you? Decided to go for a creampie once, but doesn’t tell you because they know that overstepped your boundaries and that knowledge would hurt you?
Or slightly different scenario: Decided to go for a creampie once, but tells you that the condom broke.
deleted by creator
I exist mostly without relationships. I can barely fathom living with one romantic person. If that person then was able to execute sexual acts with others on a regular basis with relative ease I dont think we’d be compatible because our lives would be too different, experiences too different.
I can imagine, however, a different scenario wherein both of us pay for professional, independent sex workers occasionally-primarily themselves that are also adept in therapeutic massage. Maybe. But still it does seem like an odd zeitgeist for romantic relationships right now.
All relationships are unique, and there are no (there are, but there shouldn’t be) guidelines on what makes a relationship real or not.
I have bad cPTSD from a previous DV relationship and I get nightmarish flashback episodes when I get in romantic relationships, so me and my partners agreed that I’m not able to have romantic relationships. so our relationship is defined by what we agreed on (look into “relationship smorgasbord”), we have intimacy, because human to human touch and affection is something I need regularly and she does too. and I encourage her to find the romantic affection with other partners. overall it’s a healthy relationship based on trust communication and care.
the notion of only one acceptable form of relationship is so primitive, based on medieval property rights and religion. build you own relationships however you want/need/able.
ps: this school of thought isnt Ethical non-monogamy, but “relationship anarchy”.
You:
“all relationships are unique, and there are no (there are, but there shouldn’t be) guidelines on what makes a relationship real or not […] build your own relationship however you want/need/able”
Also you
“I still think monogomy is unethical and it’s cruel to expect that of a partner” (paraphrased)
Lol, lmao even
Not very relationship-anarchic of you to hierarchisize relationships, with some being inherently more ethical than others
It’s interesting you say you dont get why people are so obsessed with other people’s genitals, when you seemingly care very much about the supposed unethicalness of other adults consentual sex lives. You’ve somehow managed to flip the very same ideological structure that has allowed poly people to be prosecuted historically, and just pointed that oppressive structure at monogamous folks instead. It’s in essence the very same mechanism just with the details flipped.
I think you should reflect upon that. It’s obvious from your comments that there’s the same sort of mechanism at play as when traditionalists prejudice poly people. It’s a failure to empathize. Some things work best for some people, and that’s okay, let them live in their way, and some other things work best for some other people, and that’s okay too, also let them live in their way.
me: I think slavery is bad because it unfairly controls other people
You: you are the unethical one. trying to control what other people do with lives
not a serious answer, doesn’t warrant a serious response.
instead of pointing why my grievances with monogamy are wrong, (mentioned repeatedly in many of the threads that spawn here), you just made up a bs reason why any moral standards is unethical.
I never called you unethical.
I also find it ironic how you managed to compare monogamy to slavery, and then proceed to call me the unserious one. I dont see how they are comparable at all.
How is a relationship wherein both people agree that, as long as they are together they only have sex with one another, and, if that agreement can no longer be honored, to go their separate ways, be unethical? Thats consent and boundary establishment and free association all the way through…
Social punishment for cheating, is often social isolation. I don’t think a minor victimless infraction warrant said punishment.
And the fact that there’s another person who has the right to consent on your own body sounds very iffy.
Also, we treat “monogamy” as a natural thing. it isn’t. if it was, there would be no divorces, breakups, or affairs.
Also the state and religions push monogamy as the upmost important relationship in someone’s life, rather than community, which atomises people and destroys communities with the modern invention of “nuclear family”. where evey need is comodified rather than being provided by a community.
Social punishment isnt inherent to the social relation we call monogamy, thats social norms, a connected but different thing. We can all agree social norms often disparage people, but again different conversation.
And its not ‘a fact’ that people in monogamous relations have consent over the other persons body, in fact, they only have consent over their own. If the other person doesnt want to do monogamy, they are free to pursue that type of relation on their own. Thats their choice, as it is the monogamous persons choice to not stay in a relationship with a partner that doesnt want a monogamous relationship. Insisting they have to be together, irregardles of the wishes of the other person, sounds unproductive and unhealthy to me.
“We treat monogamy as a natural thing” i dont. I recognize societal norms propogate one type of relationship, but that is once again a different conversation than the supposed ethicalness of a specific social dynamic. The dynamic an sich is different from the norms around it.
Dont let your grievences with the system become judgements of the people caught within.
I swear, erotador makes one small comment about being poly and it turns into a winding ass thread about the ethics of monogamy. I may be poly, but if I was in a relationship with the expectation of monogamy, I’d feel betrayed if they then broke that expectation without telling me. The problem wouldn’t be that they slept with someone, the problem would be that they lied. They would be free to be with whoever they want, but all of my relationships are contingent on open communication. If that communication isn’t there, then the agreement is broken.
I mentioned somewhere here that I consider putting such expectations on someone unethical. If my partner has an affair they would tell me and I would be happy for her or neutral, but if they were hiding it, and lying then there was no really a relationship to begin with, just a lie that should end sooner than later.
And in another thread, I said that the social punishment for people who cheat is too severe, often being social isolation. For an infraction I would personally consider as bad as cheating on a diet. For something that causes no harm to anyone.
Do you actually think its unethical to expect people not to lie? Trying to understand here, very far from my own set of beliefs :)