“You used to have a penis?”
“I thought you looked beautiful before, I think you look beautiful now, honestly I can’t tell” or if not recent “dunno, all your features look perfect to me, so I could never choose, your eyes are my favorite”
…of course, green text is fake.
“Did they do work on your face to make you less cute? Because I think they botched it.”
(I have another response.)
Lean away, give her a long look, and gaze deep into her eyes. Tilt your head slightly to the side.“…. dad?”
In the stunned silence, because she never expected you to be right, tell her that you didn’t think you would see her again after she disappeared on her way to get cigarettes all those years ago.
And then put your hand on her thigh and say “I’ve missed you daddy” with wide eyes.
Gets ‘em every time.
Women: asks you to critically investigate their body.
OP: chose to not to take the hint.
“You had a concerning mole removed from your thigh”
For anyone scrolling far enough to read this, all of the correct answers for this, follow the same formula. Statement about how you cannot tell leading into a compliment about their looks.
This can be reversed, complimenting they’re looks, and lead into that it is impossible to tell.
Unless she looks like the wicked witch of the west, like one girl I knew. She had surgery at some point, and I only knew her after that happened. I am not exaggerating with that reference.
Bluntly, I couldn’t have cared less. Things didn’t work out for completely unrelated reasons.
*their
Auto carrot strikes again
Laura Loomer: Can you guess?
Loomer: Jk all of them.
I want to get whatever Jeff bezos had done so that my face looks like it’s going to explode when I talk
Tell her that her nose looks too perfect, problem solved
Exactly. They fumbled hard. “It has to be your ____, there’s no way it turned out that good naturally.”
My autistic ass would be like “Nope no clue sorry, whatever it was, they a good surgeon 👍”
ADHD here, after years of studying behavior from normies in order to emulate/mask, this is easily one of the best answers here.
Sometimes brutal honesty is the answer.
Neurotypical here - that’s the correct response.
ADHD here, it’s one of two. The other is to guess bottom surgery/sex reassignment to teach her what sort of prizes she can expect from playing stupid games. Yeah you’re burning that bridge, but that’s a bridge worth burning
I’m with you, I’d joke about circumcision (and maybe ran away 🥲)
Madlad
Unsure of neuro-typicalness, but I’d go with this one as well.
“Your nose is your cutest feature, that’s why I chose it” is the correct response
“Not like those ugly-ass ears. They really screwed those up, huh?”
Did you fall from heaven? Because your face is really fucked up.
(this one is so stupid and obviously inappropriate that I laugh each time I imagine someone saying it)
Imagine answering the plastic surgery question with “The left side? Did you get burnt badly or something? It looks kind of wonky.”
Do the following:
First, say something along the lines of: “That is very difficult. On the one hand, you are so astonishingly beautiful that all features of you could be made by a master craftsman. On the other hand, as I am a person of faith, you could also be just God’s most perfect creation.
Either way, would you excuse me a second while I go to refresh in the bathroom?”Then you sneak out of the bathroom window because by the glorious lord Satan himself, you do not want to be in a relationship with someone who insists you do something after you refuse
“that is very difficult, one the one hand you are so astonishingly beautiful that all features of you could be made by a master craftsmanship, on the other hand, as I am a person of faith, you could also be just God’s most perfect creation.
Either way, would you excuse me a second while I go to refresh in the bathroom?”
Better answer: Don’t put up with toxic games
Exactly. Nothing wrong with a “Nuh uh. I’m not falling for this. You can tell me if you want me to know.”
Labia reduction
“You seemed like a person who would have a wizard’s sleeve situation down there.”
“Wtf it was my ears”
“So is the situation down there not fixed or what do you mean?”
Crying laughing from wizard sleeve situation. Made my night, thanks
leanbeefpatty
Context?
So what does the ab goddess has to do with this surgery?
Exactly what I meant with my question.
Just a play on words. Labia reduction = lean “beef”
Huh. Disappointing.
Her wrinkled, flaccid labia unfurls halfway to her knees, like some ball-less scrotum
Right out of a romance novel
It’s an old Bill Hicks bit
Ever been to Arby’s?
“How do you know what my labia looks like…?”
Then get called a creep and shouted at.
I’m just saying that you’d deserve if that was your answer.
Nah, it’s a perfectly fine snappy response to a loaded question.
Bonus points if you guess correct 🌚
smh could have guessed she was born with a tail, missed opportunity
If I was born with a tail and found out my parents had it removed I’d be mad as hell.
Human tails are kind of a thing and doctors do remove them. But it’s not a glorious tiger tail or anything, it’s like a stub, it’s an outgrowth of the coccyx, which is literally a vestigial tail.
If my tail wouldn’t be prehensile, then I’d want it remove too. It’s a sartorial mess with no upside.
She was born an otter and had a plastic surgery to look like a human.
