Credit: u/manchesterMan0098
Uhm, having someone care for you is not a “pathological mother figure”.
People need this. Men need this. Asking for care is the most normal thing a person can do.
And then if something is actually wrong, there is a therapist.
Even people who have put the work into therapy need a loving attachment figure. It’s healthy to be open and vulnerable when you need it.
Why don’t they go ask for care from other men and stop exploiting women for it?
Why do you consider such relationships inherently exploitative? Healthy relationships include women caring about men, and vice versa, in various ways.
Besides, cultural norms and stereotypes commonly prevent men from seeking emotional support and being vulnerable around other men. While it can be said that some men have built this system to begin with, those are not necessarily the same men who struggle from it, and this conflict is hard to resolve. Also, romantic relationships commonly offer the highest level of openness about someone’s feelings, and most couples are hetero, hence, women interacting with men.
I think the point being made is that often women are called upon to do emotional labour by men who are often only acquaintances who look at them as resources that should be on the cultural hook to dispense emotional intimacy. A lot of women are fed up with the gendered nature of that expectation because you have a lot of men taking of that resource but not seeing it as being something they should actively be doing too and that their lack of reciprocation and participation in that space is a problem.
The fact that cultural norms prevent men from seeking solace from other men is a problem not just because it’s root lies in a lot of homophobia but because it creates both a category of gendered work for women and isolates men from their peers. Women are often pressured into that role which means if they don’t want to perform that function for any reason they can meet resistance as that emotional intimacy can be treated or assumed as being mandatory.
Nor is it a good idea to lay all your problems at the feet of an intimate partner regardless of gender. They have a lot of investment in you generally and it is easier to talk with them but they are generally ill equipped to shoulder all of your problems because they lack emotional distance to set you right if you are going astray. They often have other investments in you as well which means they cannot always tell it to you straight because if you disagree or react poorly they might lose you or jeopardize life goals and plans.
Being approachable and available to provide support should be a genderless issue with neither automatic expectation of providing or expected coldness laid at the feet of anyone.
Sure, here I strongly agree, and I have no idea who could downvote such a statement.
It’s just that this conversation took quite a weird tangent (as in “men exploit women, why don’t you fuck off”), and I felt I should set it straight with my last comment.
Supporting your partner should absolutely be a genderless thing, and it’s not right to just leave it out to women. Women need and deserve just as much gentle care and support as men; failing to recognize that will not lead to any good.
I was mostly speaking out against the original response on the screenshot, but the original post from that same screenshot isn’t right or fair to anyone, either. Women should not be forced into the psychological support role.
All the battles you fought that day? Unless you are on the front line in Ukraine you should be able to find a more chill lifestyle.
“I dont need therapy, I just need to have a woman that reminds me of my mother and will fuck me”
Ok? So what’s your point?
Men can always care for each other and stop expecting women to do all the work.
Yeah this is something I’ve been trying to walk the talk about.
I joined an adults sports league and have a few friends I call almost daily on rotation (whether they want it or not lol) and I’ve started feeling a lot more fulfilled and less anxious.
Most of those friends expect my calls now, and I get questioned if I can’t make it to a practice or game. It feels good to have your presence desired, whether it’s in a romantic or platonic relationship. There’s an epidemic of men who think that that void can only be filled with a lover.
I wish everyone would follow your example
“Stop expecting women to do all the work.” All the work?
So men should be expected to do the (actual) work and the emotional work?
So what good are women? Baby ovens?
You incels are so weird.
Lol. If you only knew.
I could explain you, but your wouldn’t understand
Or we can just produce fewer of them.
¿Por qué no los dos?
Someone who would lay down in bed with me and hold me while I cry would be a tremendous help to my mental health, but a therapist would be real nice, too. Too bad it’s a five-month wait to get in to see one around here.
men dont need therapy when they have meth, coke and fent
*want
I can’t afford therapy. And I desperately need it.
There should be options - crisis numbers and volunteer work around it. For free.
You can find some help over using a search engine 💪
I would say that, conditional to the man having a partner, intimacy is a hell of a lot more accessible than therapy. Provided that intimacy is not rationed or made conditional, this could provide more lasting and more timely healing than therapy as well.
With that said, we really need to normalize men seeking therapy. There are far too many men where the conditions above are not met, and so could and would benefit more from therapy than intimacy.
I get that the original was a bit sensationalist but I don’t see a problem with the overall message. Yes it was needlessly gendered but again that doesn’t change the message.
People need people that care about them and will listen. That’s it.
Yeah my fucking battle of testing software and doing deep dives on bugs.
deleted by creator
Yes but also definitely no.
I’ve been to therapy and no amount of conversation or drugs can replace genuine intimacy and a lot of single men would have their mental health improved more by an escort than a therapist.
It’s a shame that in some cultures simple friendships men, women, mixed are not accompanied by physical touch too, like a hug. And also being able to talk openly about the struggles, like us women do with our friends. You get a lot from a friend’s hug or them listening to you.
Yes. It’s not just sexual it’s about being close and open to people. I brought up escorts, and not hookers, because a lot of escorts do emotional support for their clients too in a way a therapist can’t. Good emotional support, from anywhere, can be worth more than therapy and unlike therapy there’s no paper trail insurance or govs can use against you.
Therapy is good if you think you have a condition and need a diagnosis and recommendation for a medication. That and dealing with trauma if you can’t handle it on your own. Otherwise it’s smarter to avoid it, use friends for support, and do your own research (assuming you know how to research better than a maga).
Endorphins from sex are absolutely not a long term mental health treatment. It might improve your mood at that moment, but not your health.
Ideally both, yes
Is it a cure? No, but it’s usually a better treatment than what therapy offers, mental health requires constant maintenance, and in a lot of ways it’s smarter to keep your mental conditions off of a record authoritarians can use against you.
Not to mention I’ve seen people create more problems for themselves by focusing on them too much. Too much therapy is worse than too little.
Maybe these men should stop seeing women as objects and relationships and transactions
Maybe if people didn’t go out of their way to say shit like this, missing my point and insulting me without reading the rest of thread, then men would respect women more and there’d be fewer misogynists. But no. You did. Congrats. I suggest you change your ways before you inadvertently spread misogynism with your feminism like I’m guessing you’ve done before.
testosterone is the world’s most dangerous chemical.
Why?
That’s not on testosterone. At most it plays a part in it, but this behavior is the result of a patriarchal society. (Solely) blaming testosterone defends shitheels like this one, and diminishes people with testosterone-dominated bodies that are different
I am struggling to deal with j suicidal thoughts about how awful i must be because I am a man. Like I sometimes think there needs to be a brutal cleansing.
You don’t owe anyone anything. You did not choose to be born, you were thrust into existence and it is unfair to you to feel like you ought to “get out of everyone’s way” via suicide. The world put you here, not you. Even if you earnestly think you are awful because you are a man.
Further you almost certainly aren’t awful, because you feel empathy for the rest of the world because you want to avoid being a burden to them. Awful people don’t give a shit if they hurt other people or the world.
A side note, if you really think because you are a man specifically that you are awful: You might unironically just want to transition into a woman.
Thank you. But I never really felt like a woman either to be honest. And frankly I don’t think it will help, it will just make me a target and frankly there are a lot of liberal I think are only performative in the stance on trans rights.
There are plenty of examples of wonderful men, go find one and make friends with him. Unless you mistreated women constantly, why would you think, by default, that your are awful?
It’s just easier. Like, the left can recruit a lot of these young men if they tried and came up up with strategies beside preaching again and again and telling them their problems aren’t real? But they are written off before the can even speak and the dialog regarding tjis issues is so limited thats hard to talk about And if you advocate for them suddenly you are an incel, so what’s the point of even trying? For fucks sake one of the most up voted comments on here is someone with the name misandry so how can it be argued that you have no real place in among the left? So I just keep my head down and agre with what is said about us because it’s easier then to keep banging my head against the wall.
And my interests often limit my ability to find good people to be friends with. Though I will admit igot some good friends among them who don’t suck.
I don’t understand how you make this a political thing. Do you by chance live in the US? There is a lot of polarisation there.
As a woman myself, I think some people understand feminism differently than others. I don’t agree with women that just spit hate on men simply because they are men. Feminism is about empowering women to be whatever they like and be equal to men in society, relationships, family, work. I had my fair share of discrimination in my life based on my gender, and I constantly fight against it, but that does not make me just hate men by default. I know a lot of men that are on the same page with me about how we should be as a society. And a society where we are all getting along is so much better than a polarised one.
I am lucky to have found a husband that is secure with his masculinity(whatever that means to him), that he does not feel threatened about me having, for example, hobbies like woodworking, or having some muscles on my body. That does not mean I don’t find him masculine, because I do.
We are all shades of masculinity and femininity, and blocking one of these sides from us is just stupid. We are what we are and we can get along just fine with each other with a bit of effort. We don’t have to hate on the ones that are not like us.
And my interests often limit my ability to find good people to be friends with. Though I will admit igot some good friends among them who don’t suck.
To this I say, try new hobbies and activities. Volunteer somewhere, that will make you find nice people. You need to find friends that are awesome for you, not just that don’t suck. Some great friendships can be very healing for the soul.
Yeah, I am American so everything is political and there is no middle ground. Either you are a fascist or not and that is it.
As for my hobby I am kind of underselling it. It’s hard to get into, but it’s the only thing I genuinely love after years of picking up and droppingl a lot of other interests over the years. plus i am at a point where i do make some money, not something i can live on by any means but ist something i am proud of. And like I said I did meet some genuinely good friends I probably would never have met otherwise.
I really don’t want to mention it because the community around it jn my area is small and while doubt anyone I know uses lemmy it wouldn’t be hard to figure out who in am if they looked into it and I have said some dark shit here that would fuck it all up for me. I know it’s unrealistic, but I like what I do well enough to not want to that risk.
It is literally the devil.
I hate it. Thanks for making the first reaction anger cunt chemical.
We use to jokingly say if my mom had had testosterone the world would have been in trouble lmao
Everyone can benefit from a therapist and everyone can benefit from a loving, caring partner.
Who knew?
Not when they see relationships as transactional
It definitely does not need to be one or the other. Oftentimes therapy could help in the relationship department considerably. Deep hurt is hard to get through alone, yet I hope more and more people understand there is help out there.
If relationships are a two way street, and one person is hurting enough to affect their role within it all there should be no shame in reaching out in that way. It could help a lot. It’s a shame there’s still so much stigma around therapy.I dont think that stigma is going to get any better any time soon (at least in the US). The past year has given me significantly less trust that anything medical remains private; i have no trust that things said in confidence will not be weaponized against me by the current government. There have already been cases of states demanding medical records for pregnancy, abortion, and transgender records, and texas actually got their hands on some records IIRC.
My therapist says she takes a bare minimum of notes because she understands the fear people have of private info getting leaked. Maybe someone worried about that could ask about their notes process during the therapist-finding stage.
I was implying that both are beneficials.
Oh yeah me too. I agree with everything you said, was just adding on my bit :)
I can’t comprehend what I read today. Sorry
No no, could’ve been how I worded it haha. It’s all gravy.
Wait wait wait… You’re telling me people need love? Pfft I don’t believe it.
I can guarantee there are at least a few people out there who don’t actually need love in adulthood to live happy and fulfilling lives.
How do you figure that?
Because there are always exceptions.
Always.
There is a well-known study about this: All You Need Is Love (Martin et al., 1967)
I choose a loving, varying therapist.
I’m a man and I just need a big hairy and muscular chest to lay my head on the end of a very tough day.
I have no idea what this guy Alex is on about.
He said a hairy and muscular chest! That chest is smooth!
So a pitbull?
He wants to wake up with his face still on
Life’s hard when your husband has a smooth chest 😔
