• garth@sh.itjust.works
    331·
    1 month ago

    An audible sigh followed by “Fine” or “Sure” = Yes

    But the lack of enthusiasm really kills the mood.

  • FiniteBanjo@feddit.onlineEnglish
    271·
    1 month ago

    Technically, humans are animals so this basically rules out everything except corpses and sentient plants, fungi, and inanimate objects.

  • OwOarchist@pawb.socialEnglish
    21·
    1 month ago

    Eh … I’m on the fence about “hesitated yes”.

    If we’re to reducto ad absurdum it, exactly how much hesitation turns a yes to a no? In fractions of a second, please.

    • roux2scour@jlai.lu
      22·
      1 month ago

      Id say hesitating yes require a proper confirmation. If the person doesn’t look sure to you, ask them ?

    • captainlezbian@lemmy.world
      71·
      1 month ago

      Yeah I’ve been sexually violated in ways like posts like this are usually about (coerced and pressured past my "no"s into situations I didn’t want) and while I respect the effort, I feel like they’re often in a weird position of overzealous and only really applicable in hookup type situations, they also often ignore more manipulative styles of pressuring a yes.

      Hesitation is fine, but it may be good practice to double check if the following yes isn’t enthusiastic. The yes is often less important than the enthusiasm in early stages. I’ve had wonderful nights of tongue wrestling where we never asked, we flirted until it was clearly mutual, and in one case we were hesitating at first because we were both not super comfortable with the age gap (we talked about it after). And we were both drunk, because there’s a difference between consensual actions while in an altered state and taking advantage of a drunk person, and that difference largely comes down to enthusiasm and being in a similar state. If I’m one beer in and generally feeling fine I ought to turn down a shitfaced woman who’s hitting on me hard, but if I’m right there with her that’s fine.

      And in long term relationship6s I think the need for enthusiasm reduces. Sometimes you put out when you aren’t really in the mood because you love your partner and value the intimacy. That’s not being sexually violated unless you were pressured or coerced.

      Consent is a discussion that requires genuine nuance, and checklists will always come off as far more clunky than most people’s lived experiences with it.

    • Siethron@lemmy.world
      4·
      1 month ago

      There are also a multitude of reasons to hesitate that aren’t “I want to say no but am afraid of saying it”. Such as stunned silence because he or she couldn’t believe someone so awesome wanted to have sex with them. Or confusion because it was loud and they misheard the word ‘sex’ as ‘sax’ and was wondering where they could possibly get one of those at this hour.

      Also, auditory processing disorder. Give them a god damn minute.

  • DarkCloud@lemmy.world
    18·
    1 month ago

    Pfft, a simple “Yes” is not exactly enthusiastic consent. I need enthusiastic consent before I even send the first message.

    • wonderingwanderer@sopuli.xyz
      9·
      1 month ago

      If it’s not “Gee golly willikers, yes! Yes! A thousand times yes!” with stars in her eyes while she’s farting rainbows, then it’s a no. /s

      • MinnesotaGoddam@lemmy.worldEnglish
        5·
        1 month ago

        Uh, how many hues do you need in your rainbow because I found just the right gal for you except her rainbow is all red and made of blood. She’s farting blood.

  • janewaydidnothingwrong@lemmy.world
    151·
    1 month ago

    I feel like you’re allowed to hesistate and still say a “yes” yes, especially since the “threatened and then said yes” is separate on this. It can be complicated and thought over first, no?

    • ricecake@sh.itjust.works
      2·
      1 month ago

      They would have done better to make it more about talking someone into it or pestering them than about “hesitation”. Maybe “reluctant” would have been better.
      Sometimes people need to do a little internal status check. “I had a headache all day, am I not feeling it or would it be a fun alternative to ibuprofen?”

  • gmtom@lemmy.world
    164·
    1 month ago

    I might get hate for this, but you can still consent when you’re drunk, so long as you’re not like barely conscious drunk or you’re not being manipulated coerced by someone.

    • humorlessrepost@lemmy.worldEnglish
      181·
      1 month ago

      Yeah, as an alcoholic, I don’t think every sexual encounter I’ve had in the past decade or more was mutual rape.

      • WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.todayEnglish
        2·
        1 month ago

        If both are drunk, neither can rape and it is kind of seen like animals fucking naturaly. You both wake up as non-animals and are horrified by the ugly person on the other side that you fucked.

    • ZILtoid1991@lemmy.world
      4·
      1 month ago

      But only if the person has consented to it during their life. Some people are now arranging things, so that necrophiles can have one happy moment in their life at least “the proper way”, some allegedly going even further and letting their bodies to be preserved for sex purposes. While it makes me go “eww”, at least it’s not something like parents letting pedophiles to rape their kids, not the animal stuff, etc…

  • kn33@lemmy.worldEnglish
    9·
    1 month ago

    Okay, but the line about “bribed” doesn’t sit right with me. We doing SWERF stuff now?

    • evidences@lemmy.world
      9·
      1 month ago

      Bribes are given as a form of coercion, if it’s legit sex work than no bribe is given and both parties are consenting. Just giving someone money or good in trade for a service isn’t a bribe.

    • brynden_rivers_esq@lemmy.ca
      71·
      1 month ago

      Is considering sex work generally non-consensual a SWERF thing? I’d guess most people who think that don’t at all want to exclude sex workers…it’s not a criticism of sex workers. I also don’t think it precludes that some people might not have a coercive experience with sex work. Im sure there are plenty of people selling feet pics on instagram and feeling great about it, and maybe that’s fine…but I don’t think that’s the norm!

      Maybe I’m wrong though; I don’t intend to be a swerf, but I do think sex work is generally non-consensual. Most paid work is probably non-consensual on some level but I think sex kind of has a special place in non-consensual activity.

      Sex work is obviously something many people feel forced into. 73% of sex workers have at least one disability; maybe they feel they have other options, but it looks like that’s not most people’s experience: https://www.ctvnews.ca/vancouver/article/nearly-3-in-4-sex-workers-live-with-a-disability-rare-bc-report-finds/

    • ZILtoid1991@lemmy.world
      4·
      1 month ago

      Depends on. If it’s someone who actually wants to do it, then it’s not a bribe. However if someone doesn’t want to be a sex worker gets money (or workplace promotion, toys, candies) offered for sex does constitute as bribing.