Lemmy has an undeniable woman problem that it carried over from Reddit. I’ve lost count of the number of pathetic blokes that I have blocked on here for anti feminism.
yep it’s pretty horrible. any time gender issues are brought up there’s dozens of comments saying “what about the men” and completely missing the point
The response to “what about men” comments is, we’re already talking about men when we talk about misogyny. Misandry and misogyny are the exact same problem, strictly enforced gender roles. If you deviate, you are punished. The men that are caregivers are derided just like the women that refuse to rear children. Every other related paradigm punches down into the people who do not conform. Stoicism in men, histrionics in women.
Either is a foil for the other and it’s exactly the same bullshit.
What about the me
You can’t spell me with me.
wat
Get in the robot, Shinji
As a guy, I do recognise that men are disadvantaged in many areas and need to be put on equal footing with women-- like courts disproportionately award custody of children to mothers, regardless of how unfit the mother is to be a caregiver. But broadly speaking from my pespective, women are still at more disadvantage. I used to live in a bad part of my city for many years and have had little to no issues. However, it is a different story from women I spoke who got harrased, and another hit on the head. They said they will avoid going to the city ever again. I remember sharing the accounts of these women to other men, and the men were surprised because their experience is the complete opposite. Women are still seen as weak. And in the corporate hierarchy, men (of tall statures) disproportionately make up the board of directors and executive roles.
The court thing is not universally true. I worked in a family law firm for several years, and the practice in the courts here is to start from a baseline of equal custody and placement, and I’ve heard the same about other states. The men who lost out were the ones who wouldn’t fight, because they were convinced that the courts were biased. But hell, in one case, we got full custody and placement for a guy whose son wasn’t even biologically his! (His wife cheated, and he didn’t find out until well after they’d emotionally bonded.)
yep. the difference is, when women have been disadvantaged they tend to create spaces and pathways to talk about or change it. unfortunately a lot of men tend to isolate, even though they are not alone. then when they see something about a women receiving help through programs created by women for women their feelings of being abandoned by the system come up again. it’s just another way that toxic masculinity hurts everyone. the fix for that is of course feminism, but it’s a pretty massive barrier for most men to accept that.
Men don’t always isolate by choice. There’s a large cultural aversion to creating and sustaining male-only spaces, and that aversion comes from all sectors.
Every college campus has a women’s club but if you try making a men’s club you’ll probably get reprimanded.
every college campus has men’s clubs theyre called fraternities
yeah, thats the problem. The only mens places are altright infested shit holes. Its liftest mens places that are discouraged.
You know that’s not what I’m talking about.
then I guess I’m not sure what you’re really talking about then.
it goes back to my original point though. if you feel there should be those spaces, no one is stopping you from making them. there were a few subreddits I used to browse (maybe it was mensrights or menslib or something similar) that was super respectful and held genuinely helpful and important conversations about the issues men face. trust me, absolutely no one will stop you from making those spaces. if those spaces you’re trying to create aren’t respectful, then yes I imagine people might not like that.
Man, I have been in SO MANY internet arguments where I am simultaneously arguing against a woman that yes, men have problems, while also arguing against a man that no, those problems are not worse on the whole than women have.
Back when the whole “bear in the woods” thing was going around misogynists would try to jump in and support me.
Woman: “all men are rapists”
Me: “that’s insulting and hurtful and misandrist, and also not even close to true”
Misogynist: “Yeah! And also women are heartless bitches!”
Me: “I don’t remember asking YOU a goddamn thing”
no one is saying all men are rapists. what they are saying is that the statistics are great enough that women have to be on edge around all men. I wish you would take the passion you have for arguing against a generalization and devote it towards making sure the men around you aren’t part of the issue. I say that as a trans women who has seen the issue from both sides. I understand where you’re coming from, truly, but having been socialized male I saw that every man has chances to change the people around them and 99.9% fail to do so.
no one is saying all men are rapists
You know that’s not true.
you wouldn’t argue if I said all bears are dangerous, even if some will walk right up to you and let you feed them from your hand. again, you should take your anger at this turn of phrase and devote it to something that actually helps your cause.
and for the love of god, it might be time to analyze where you’re getting the news from. if you actually believe the fox news ass all men are rapists line then I dont know what to tell you, your critical thinking might just be fried.
if you actually believe the fox news ass all men are rapists line
I heard that first-hand from women on this site.
you wouldn’t argue if I said all bears are dangerous
Yeah no shit, that’s the point.
No one is saying all men are rapists…
Proceeds to say ALMOST all men to the level that ALL women are afraid of them.
Well, what do you want done?
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What about them
EDIT: Look at the responses to this comment for the proof.
100%
It’s really bad and lemmy is really in denial.
Sexism here is much worse than it was on Reddit.
It feels like 2008 Reddit here sexism wise, except instead of Ron Paul libertarians tooting their horns everywhere we have heavy tracked vehicle enthusiasts.
I did hope lemmy having a left leaning culture would help but it does not.
Try making any post that focuses on situations uniquely or disproportionally experienced by women and you get mostly “everyone has that why think about women” or “what about men” or “men have it worst” responses.
Oh yea? One time I got kicked in the balls and it kinda hurt. Women have it soooo easy.
Alas I have been shown to be wrong! If not for my womanly ways I would have been the wiser!
you mean the comments that have been downvoted to the bottom?
But the fact that the majority (or perhaps less than half now) of the responses literally prove the point I am trying to make proves my point downvotes or not.
You have to remember the people who would literally unironically make such a post that proves my post are the densest of the dense.
Most sexists, while dense, are less dense than a black hole and would not prove my point for me under such a post.
Some instances have a left-leaning culture. Lemmy.world definitively does not.
I mean if you use the Marxist/Leninist definition of left then obviously not. But I mean left leaning in terms of the societal understanding.
Youre absolutely welcome to join Blahaj zone. Our wonderful administration team (both of whom are women) bans misogyny whenever it comes around to our communities. The mods for our main communities share a very aggressive moderation policy.
They also ban real users instead of the people literally calling their gender “dragonfucker” and “attack helicopter”
There were a bunch of users who got angry about these users mocking gender expression and then when they told the trolls to fucking stop Ada banned them
The blahaj admins are trolls
I give Ada a lot of credit. In the early days, I had the following interaction:
TOPIC: Something about sexual/gender preferences, I don’t remember, asking people their preferences
Me: responds with my preferences (I’m straight cis male, I like women so I’m down with post-transition trans women but pre-transition don’t turn me on)
Some random user: respectfully asks if I would be willing to date a pre-transition trans man
Me: I guess, but it probably wouldn’t work due to the fact that what I like about their body, they hate
Some of those professionally offended people took a misleading screenshot of my response and started screaming about “chasers”.
Ada did an admin post to the community backing me up and calling those idiots out.
So unless she’s changed a lot, I don’t think she’s a troll. It would have been easy to go with the mob but she stuck up for me.
Still could be TERFS.
I don’t have any deeper knowledge of that instance, just what I saw in all, so I don’t want to put anything on them. That thought just came across reading your comment.
I have made a mental remark in the past that the posts and users on this instance are better treated from afar, though.
It’s pretty harsh to just casually suggest that a person be a TERF without any specific evidence.
They also turn a blind eye to misandry.
You are part of the reason lemmy is unpopular with women.
i dont understand, please explain further. if blahaj mods have ignored misandry, that would be a bad thing. hate is generally regarded as bad, and misandry is hatred of men. therefore, misandry should be generally regarded as bad.
That’s true on face value. The issue is that accusations of misandry are almost always unfounded, and only made as a way to deflect and to attack women. So when people start talking about misandry, that’s generally a red flag.
It’s similar to how “all lives matter” is definitely a true and good value - but yet it is almost always said as a way to divert support away from vulnerable groups. So although the literal meaning is good, it is fair to assume that people saying it do not have good intentions.
You are right, but what he is calling misandry is not misandry, and so many people like him think misandry is the bigger problem now.
Misandry is a huge problem in the space.
It’s why I couldn’t stand r/TwoXChromosomes anymore.
The amount of people saying we should “kill all men” without being banned is insane, if someone typed the opposite they would instantly get dogpiled and removed.
The blahaj admins have a record of supporting trolls and hateful people, just as long as they use the “right” language.
I feel like the whole supporting trolls thing is overblown.
They said that you should still use someone’s pronouns, even if they are trolling, because it sets the precedent that its okay to ignore someone’s pronoun preference.Unless there is more that I missed.
If women have to be misandristic, then I’m quite happy to exclude bigots
Would you mind giving me some examples of the misandry? To see what you are talking about.
The pronoun was just “drag”. PJ is the one who kept calling them “dragonfucker”. You can go read dragonriders comments instead of just repeating gossip.
They imply the fucker part themselves, it’s part of their troll
They are a troll and you are enabling them to harrass your community.
They were already banned for other trolling behavior, just not because they used neopronouns. Please get an actual bearing on reality.
Sorry I’m not allowed to use that space because I called a troll a troll before the Admins felt like doing their fucking jobs.
I’m not going back now, blahaj is a cess pool controlled by trolls.
also our wonderful admin kaity did what the lemmy devs couldn’t and nuked the dm spam :)
It really seems like instance admins tend to do a much better job with a lot of stuff on here than the core devs. Its a shame that forking would take as much work as it would.
well some of the devs are too busy arguing over which authoritarian boot tastes the best, all under the guide of leftism, so yeah I imagine the bar isn’t exactly high
As much as I appreciate the community and users, there are (or at least were) serious moderation problems on Blahaj, I did not feel safe there when I tried it a year or two ago.
I definitely cannot agree. I encourage anyone who has any issues with moderation to make a post in the Blahaj meta community. Ada and Kaity have been spectacular and have responded to every issue I have come across. There are limits, they can’t preemptively prevent any kind of moderation issue but they respond quickly.
Pfft, I’d say overly aggressive to a fault. It’s not a good thing when they’re banning people for a passing comment where the worst offence is “gatekeeping” rather than something that matters.
Probably the … fourth-worst well known instance. Idk if that’s a good suggestion.
The comments here make me very disappointed in our little corner of the internet. If anyone wants this but doesn’t know how, neither do I but I’d be happy help.
I am disappointed but not surprised. The attitude of men here reminds me a lot of default subs in Reddit. People tend to be more civil, but there is so much “but what about men?” when talking about women’s issues or belittling women still. Business as usual on the Internet, but I can see why it would cause women to avoid Lemmy.
I haven’t been back to Reddit, but it makes me miss the small niches where I didn’t see that as often.
I’ve said it many times before and I’ll say it again, gender relations here are worse than they were on reddit when I stopped using it.
It’s a more niche “back room” kind of forum, so there are less casual browsers and more technerds here, which makes it predominantly male for a lot of reasons that require a whole other discussion to analyse, but it’s exactly like when reddit was a niche “back room” website gaining popularity.
Lets not forget when reddit started, it was absolute chaos, some of the very worst communities imaginable where at home there, and the userbase RAGED every time some pedo or hate sub got purged. But they did get purged, and it became welcoming for a more diverse group of users to participate in. (Until the bot nation attacked)
I mean there’s like 3 women on lemmy, and 2 of em are trans. I don’t think there really ARE any gender relations here.
I think you’re underestimating how many women use the internet. They just don’t go swing that around much because of the harassment it tends to attract.
lemmy =/= the internet
Ignorant
womans only spaces (popping up because of male dominated spaces) do lead to male only spaces but who cares, ppl that want to be in those spaces can stay there idrc, they dont want my input I dont want theirs
Yeah, it’s natural to have spaces that aren’t for me. It’s fine. I really just have an issue with spaces where I am supposedly welcome to be hostile towards me.
Call it out when you see it. Keep the bar nazi free.
There’s !WomensStuff@lazysoci.al
I think there’s a few tutorials about how to set up your own lemmy instance. If so compelled; go for it! If you have any sort of IT background it’ll probably be pretty easy.
Community wise we have !WomensStuff@lazysoci.al its a women only community by women for women.
Create one!
Not a woman.
Speaking in general: Creating communities/instances is easy. Moderating them is hard.
In particular: I would love to create women’s spaces. But then I’d have to be on the lookout for the Knights of the True Fedora. They’re out there. Somewhere. Now now, I’m not suggesting it’d be a daily problem! …But the actual daily problems (regular spam and whatnot) would suck too.
I’m in charge of !WomensStuff@lazysoci.al I’ve got to say the vast majority of men have been fantastically supportive! Odd comment and spite downvote but it’s manageable
I want there to be a witchesvspatreiarchy here, but I’m a dude and it’d be messed up if I started it.
Even if not, you can create one :3
I’m not a woman
Even if not, you can become one :3
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Lemmy,blahaj,zone is run by Ada, who is a woman
I wish I could recommend blahaj, there are a lot of trolls in the space that the admins have successfully been guilted into supporting.
Ahhh, now that explains a lot.
Like what?
I rememebered Blahaj people accusing Lemmy instances of being misogynists left & right without any evidence
& were censoring anyone, just because they asked for evidence.
Be the change you wish to see in the world.
It really comes down to this: if you want your own space for particular interests, you should create one and find likeminded people to populate it. Just waiting for it to magically appear isn’t going to work. Be assertive.
This was just a post to see if there already is something like described
The femcel channel need more people if you like that type of humor
almost all the subs that “are women” are basically astroturfed by men, or some of them are male users posting as a “woman”
Can somebody explain to me a thing about anti-feminism: as a 99.5% cishet standard regular manly man man, even from an extremely cold, selfish, objective, all-for-me approach I cannot understand what I stand to gain by this. What’s the point?
The weaker and more dependent from a man a woman is, the less likely she will have her own opinions, desires or plans, and less likely she will be to leave the insecure men who want this.
Nothing. The only people that gain anything from strict gender roles are the rich, and they use them to create disparities and depress wages.
Yep - It really is divide and conquer by the rich. Look at ‘the culture wars’, they will stoke anything to high hell if it gets poor people to stupidly discriminate and fight each other.
The complaints that I’ve heard (from previous co-workers) are that feminism was fine until sometime around the late 2000’s, but around that time it morphed into something that was anti-men.
For the most part, there’s a lot of sour grapes perspectives - a lot of my previous co-workers are anywhere from centrist to conservative. I’ve heard the selective service registration mentioned in the past, and to an extent I agree with complaint perspective on the selective service thing, but that’s about it.
Lemmy is aimed at pleasing all of humanity.
Asking for a women-centric flavor of any site is parallel to asking for a version with less men. If you’re implying there is a difference to the interests of both, I’d love to show you the Grey’s Anatomy sub.
Neigh, Lemmy is aimed at pleasing all the world.
I am species blind. Asking for a species-centric flavor of any site is parallel to asking for a version with less horses. If you’re implying there is a difference to the interests of both, I’d love to show you equestrian sports.
There is literally nothing different between any species, gender, or even a rock. Women, Men. Heck 1 + 1 = 3. Everything is exactly the same. It’s a soup of protons. It’s all the same!
I think there are differences in the interests of both. Can you explain your argument here, without super obscure references?
We just shouldn’t consider either gender’s interests as stereotypes. Also, if a community becomes one or the other “centric”, then on some level, it’s exclusionary.
Onlyfans
Edit: forgot the /s
If they’re tired of getting hit on or oppressed all the time then the communities for women on Lemmy might not be an upgrade. /joke
