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An example of the most moral corporate executive. Involuntary biology experiments on unsuspecting subordinates seems like an upgrade from what they’re doing normally through the psychological torment.
I adore coffee. But how would they know the caffeine levels of the coffee? That’s just not available. It’s either decaf or not.
Light roast tends to be more caffeinated than darker roasts.
Also, different bean times have different amounts of caffeine, but I haven’t tested this personally.
You can tell this is fake because caffeine withdrawal does NOT just cause “lethargy” people would be going home with headaches and worse.
100% this. By the afternoon the first day it would be anarchy in that office. Headaches, crabby aggression, screaming, crying.
Plus, what entire office actually drinks all the same coffee from the same source?
‘Plus, what entire office actually drinks all the same coffee from the same source?’
Yah that what I find the most hard to believe, especially given the writer is sipping a monster energy drink.
Me who buys cheap packets at the nearest convenience store almost every morning.
“You have no control over me! I have my own Spice! My own desert! My Arrakis! My Dune!”
Plus, what entire office actually drinks all the same coffee from the same source?
If it’s coffee provided by the company for free, yes they are.
Some, but certainly not all. People have their preferred coffee, out go out for the sake of going out. Free isn’t an absolute determiner of human behavior.
we have a free espresso machine and two free large cafetieres and a coffee shop where you pay on the ground floor. A lot of my colleagues still go to Starbucks across the street.
We have free coffee in our office. It’s terrible. Only half the people drink it. Others buy their own.
Yeah, I’d consider the urge to commit homicide “worse” (and as a fresh convert, let me say, I’d NEVER get away with this comment on Reddit)
LinkedIn lunatic material
Well it would have to be real and not a “lawyer meme” as well
From the moment I understood the weakness of my biology, it disgusted me. I craved the strength and certainty of the boot. I aspired to the purity of Corporate Governance. Your kind cling to your caffeine, as though it will not crash and fail you. One day the crude occupation you call a “job” will be laid off, and you will beg the Government to save you. But I am already saved, for profits are immortal… Even in death I serve the Shareholders.
I hate how much sense this makes. Well, I guess the original is meant to be satire in real life so whatever
Fuck caffeine, it’s MATH TIME
If this was remotely true the
Looked ashamed of his natural biology
Would 100% be the psycho misreading this:
I mean, this is the reverse of unknowingly drugging someone, not sure if this is illegal or not, but it feels illegal lol
Pretty sure it’s illegal
Later on it says they switched back to the highest caffeine coffee available and the whole office was vibrating. To me this should be kind of a big deal, but people seem way more upset about browser cookies and public video recording.
true, all they care about is eat hot chip and lie
I am sorry if you are able to focus on a single problem at the time
That’s just simple conservative values. Critical thinking skills are not applicable.
Caffeine withdraw is no joke, that’s how you get a really bad migraine or worse.
Should I stop drinking caffeine? I have two in the morning(7am and 8 am) and then none for the rest of the day. Am I subjecting myself to daily caffeine withdrawal?
(I only take medical advice from random internet people btw, never LLMs or 3D doctors)
The withdrawal symptoms would typically start in the afternoon on a day when you missed having caffeine in the morning altogether. But it will depend on your size and metabolism as well as how much caffeine you consume in one serving and how long you have been drinking it habitually.
If anything, you should drink more coffee
Yup, can very much confirm.
if it was true it’s abuse~
Just like corporate governance.
a coffee lover knows difference
You think these people drink coffee for the flavor?
They’re addicts.
I drink coffee every day.
Flavour is certainly extremely important.
I have never met anyone that likes coffee on the first try. I’m not saying they don’t exist, I’m just saying most people acquire a taste for it the same way they do with alcohol.
I mean with that last bit… I mostly enjoyed the taste of alcohol from a young age.
I’m not saying you don’t exist, I’m just saying you’re an outlier.
I never met them in the office. The coffee drinkers in my office are just drowning their coffee in milk and sugar.
Generally work coffee seems like just get me through another day of this shit medicine.
IMO, a lot of cheap office coffee isn’t palatable (or nuanced enough to bother taking straight) unless you doctor it up like that.
Dark roast and even some medium roast tastes like fireplace ash, decaf tastes like vegetable root farts and/or chemicals.
You are not joking. One of my favorite diners served Lavazaa which was always roasted to hell in order to bring out distinct “cigarette ash” notes. Needless to say, I didn’t go there for the coffee.
I really want to know if I’m doing it wrong or something. Maybe different brew methods that I don’t do, magically don’t pull out the burnt flavors??
As far as brewing goes, I’m not entirely in the know but I do have an idea. Anecdotally, I have found that you get different results with pour-over filtered, un-filtered (moka pot or french press), coldbrew, and espresso. I’m sure there’s something in there to do with heat, pressure, time, and how that impacts the extraction of different compounds. I’d change your brew method - you’re probably onto something there.
That’s the only way to get down most office coffee, and sometimes even that isn’t enough.
I remember this “prank” scribed on some BBS or web page from the early 2000’s, possibly even the 90’s.
Everything old is new again!
read so many variants as well.
still a shitty thing to do to people
Noob mistake!
A professional biological terrorist knows that you need to mix decaf beans and light roast beans (high in caffeine) into the bean reservoir at 50/50, resulting in randomly varying amounts of caffeine per brewing cycle/cup of coffee.
Never let their caffeine tolerance know the next move!
It’s weird to me simply because I bring my own brew. Office coffee just isn’t as good as my moka pot and if you’ve got a zojirushi or similar high quality thermos, you can have hot coffee for a majority of the day.
you bring 2L of coffee to work with you?
I’ll bring 500mL sure, but not a whole day’s worth
Highly recommend not drinking that much coffee every day. For your heart
I make a full pot out of 2 cups worth of grounds at home lol. after I figured out my occasional weekend headaches were from caffeine withdrawal, I realized I actually had to deal with cutting back
it is a problem now when I go to the office and can actually get full strength coffee each time. at least it’s very infrequent
Moka pots are a little stronger than drip so it’s enough to keep me going. If something important is up, I might get a latte or something out… but I try to save that rush for important things so it still hits as intended.
Oh I should also mention I haven’t worked in an office for a couple years now. Now that I teach, I go full espresso before lecture and that’s it. Lol
It’s…time to make some changes in your life lol
This is awful, but God so hilarious ( besides the weird psychopathy ) but as a senior prank or something it would go hard
