The mistake there is not recording a multi-layered clip of yourself responding in different voices. Time out a delay at the start so you can hit play, start walking, make the announcement and get the “reply” as you open the door.
It’s the little details to sell the delusion that puts a spark of genuine fear into the drivers’ eyes.
You could definitely automate this with voice commands in Home Assistant
Playing “totally_real_friends4pizza_delivery.mp3”:
Alexa play happy family sounds… :(
Ideally you wanna hire actors for that.
This guy with hiring money…
Just invite some homeless people into your home and offer them free pizza for their service.
What could go wrong?
Kevin McCallister likes the way you think
while living off post in hampton roads I visited a buddy’s apartment and he ordered pizza. The pizza guy didn’t even knock just walked and said “Hi Ben, what are you playing tonight?” and set out the pizzas and breadsticks on the table, grabbed a slice, then sat down on the couch while ben packed a bong hit for him.
I was like, whoa, uh… and ben was like: “Yeah, he’s also my dealer.”
I once played video games at a friend’s place and we were smoking lots of weed. He had told me a friend was going to come over later. So later that day the door bell rings, I can see him opening the door from where I’m sitting. Female cop stands in front of door and I briefly panicked.
“Hi Julia, come in.” (to me) “Let’s order pizza.”
I’ll never forget this image of a German cop in uniform smoking a bong.
wunderbar
I’m calling bullshit. No way a cop would do that in uniform. You’re lying to deny us the pleasure of the full story where the uniform came off. We see through your german tricks.
That’s way more laid back than most cops in my experience.
Weirdly I have a few cops in my family, just ended up like that it’s not really a family thing, and they can never leave their work at the station.
Pizza
delivery guydealerThat’s a smart way to do weed delivery if you can get away with it and have orders packed before you leave the house.
I mean… pizza guy can have friends too, he’s human!
valid. but I never expected a pizza guy to just walk into someone else’s apartment and start laying out the food lol
Oh absolutely. Seems really chill tho
That sounds awesome! You only have to order a pizza whenever you want some weed and then you have weed AND PIZZA and if he’s not a weirdo then hanging out with the guy when he comes could be pretty fun too. Like a kind of a friend on demand service with weed and pizza but little to no obligation beyond that.
To anyone who feels the need to justify their order to their delivery person: don’t.
I guarantee that they’ll think about you more if you pull shit like this.
Literally just give them the money, take the pizza, wish them a good night and close the fucking door.
I promise that they don’t give any shits what you do with the pizza. Just tip appropriately for your region.
Will a good tip by their silence?
Depends entirely on its… csi:m glasses on… delivery.
Not true. I had ordered from two different places to a hotel room and they arrived at the same time. They were definitely confused and gave me weird looks. Worth it.
In the scenario you describe, you are strange. So, I don’t think that’s unjustified.
It’s ok though, we like strange around here.
Whenever I delivered a pizza to an empty house or to someone who didn’t order a pizza it was great, cause I got to have it. Was one of the few perks of that job.
That is not what the OP is about though.
How often did that happen?
As many times as they fake called their pizza joint.
When I did it, weekend closing time always had drunk college kids falling asleep after they ordered. Someone went home with food every night on Friday and Saturday
Lady, I don’t give a shit about your theatrics, I only judge if you’re a lousy tipper.*
*in the US.
1 pizza alone is only a little sad.
20 pizzas while alone is when you’ve really hit rock bottom.
It’s called meal prepping!
It’s fine if you buy them as frozen pizzas. Then it’s just grocery shopping.
What exactly is sad about ordering a pizza whilst being alone? Never struck me as something unusual.
I see the 20 pizza part.
I just woke up and am slow and bleary-eyed.
I could have sworn the second sentence said a bear ran down with the delivery man’s face - because he knew.
And I was a tad shocked.
-cheesy crust on the third ? -oh, that is a resounding yes
My boy Andy over here is saying you have something called chicken poppers?
Something perhaps subtle about that sketch: he orders pineapple on all three pies. There is no way you have a party wherein every guest is okay with pineapple on pizza. So the pizza guy probably could’ve figured it out from that!
Here, it’s the norm to eat an entire pizza by yourself. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Just one pizza? I assumed the op had ordered multiple.
whilst living in the woods I visited my moon friend’s apartment and he ordered pizza. The pizza guy didn’t even knock just climbed the tree, vaulted through the window hole and said “Hi Ben, what are you playing tonight?” and set out pizzas and grenades on the table, pulled a pin, and then sat down with us under the leaf blanket while ben cleaned his rifle and sucked him off.
I was like, woah, uh… and ben was like: “Yeah, he’s also my dad”
I’m suspicious of this… but I’m not sure why.
deleted by creator
When my wife and kids are way i love nothing more than ordering a pizza and eating it all gradually throughout the night
Is it because she’s scared of the delivey guy or because she’s embarrassed to eat the pizza alone?
The latter
I read this in a really dark way
Explain?
The family is all dead and a single parent, who still believes they are with them, orders pizza for their now long dead family. Delivery driver shows up to a house that hasn’t seen life in ages and immediately realizes the situation.
I love all the interpretations here, but I read it as the pizza delivery man was lured into an empty house to be killed by the customer.
Speaking as a pizza guy, we know and don’t care. I’m not here to judge you for your order or how haggard you look when you open the door. I only judge you based on how well you tip for the service I provide. My store has several regular customers who essentially use us for meal prep and order enough food to last a week. I couldn’t care less about how much you order or how many people you’re feeding. If you’re not a shitty customer, you’ll likely be forgotten as soon as I’m on my next delivery.
I make my own pizza so no one needs to know how many people are or are not eating them.
