This is some boomer shit
Specifically American boomer, and something that’s still going on. There was a thread here on lemmy a while ago that was about how american culture is very different from much of the world in terms of how much the father does in the things mentioned here. That a lot of the world have had it kinda even for many decades and some places even centuries.
“I hate my bitch wife” is peak American boomer humor.
Its not. That is what people tell themselves to feel better.
The fun part is when you are involved and it still happens
Weird choice to air your marital issues on a post that’s clearly about labour division but hey, you do you
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It doesn’t sound like you were actually involved.
Or you don’t understand what the mother’s body goes through.
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Probably pissed that they also don’t get a “vacation.”
Well atp, it’s just genetics and hormones, which isn’t really her fault either lol
If that’s your perspective, is anyone ever responsible for anything? Or is it all just genetics and hormones
So it’s his fault or it’s not her fault?
It isn’t me, it’s mah ATP and hormones!!!
The meme isn’t judging all men, people. It’s calling out a specific behavior and attitude. Not sure why people are so upset. Unless you actually do this, of course.
Bullshit. This is stupid, generalising and damaging in just the same way as memes about how women get married and stop having sex.
Those stupid sexist memes are also not about all women.
My wife is in labor as we speak! Crazy how I’m sitting here this meme feels very reIevant. I aspire to not be this guy.
And you’re doom scrolling rather than helping?! Get back to it, slacker!
Congrats, though 😁
Eh it’s a long process and not much going on now :-/
And still it might happen that the outcome on her side is the same.
Post partum depression is super common, same as self-image issues, body issues and so on. Also, even if you do everything right as a husband, she’s still not going to get a ton of sleep, especially if she breast feeds.
OP is an idiot for treating sex as just transactional.
When my daughter was born, my wife and I would take turns caring for her through the night. She pumped breast milk so I had access to food as needed on my nights, and she could breastfeed directly on her nights.
It soon became clear that our daughter preferred direct breastfeeding to the bottle, but I was much better at calming her and getting her back to sleep. The result was that I ended up covering my wife’s nights more frequently because she was otherwise at home with the baby all day while I was at work and felt like she needed the break. I was also “used” to sleep deprivation from the past years when I was working full-time while also going to college full-time, and she would stay home and watch TV, read, or paint.
I was constantly exhausted for the first 6 months, until she was mostly able to sleep through most nights. I would regularly apologize to my coworkers for my reduced cognitive ability because I didn’t get any sleep the previous night or two, and my boss would express how he didn’t understand how I was still vertical. Thankfully they were all very understanding and accommodating, and I was at least still able to get most of my work done to our standard of quality, albeit much more slowly than usual.
I didn’t have time, opportunity, or energy to even consider the prospect of intimacy at that time, so I absolutely sympathize with new mothers with absentee partners that have normal levels of energy and libido.
The number one way (more effective than medication) to increase a woman’s libido is an extra hour of sleep. It’s truly no wonder that getting negative hours of sleep for a literal year at least kills libido.
I’m pregnant and the insomnia is killing me. 4 or 5 hours a night, usually. And the poor sleep will only continue when the child is born. Everyone’s talking about how men need to help more with chores and all that’s true and good that you need division of labor, but even if you’re good at division, the sleep loss with children is inevitable.
Y’all get 5 hrs of sleep a night every night??
Crazy
This is why both parents should get parental leave. I just took care of all the nights and slept through half the day while my partner handled those hours. Neither of us had to deal with sleep deprivation.
I dont think that is true tbh dads nowadays take care of babies as much as moms even after doing job and everything
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If you’re ‘doing a job and everything’ then there’s an entire workday’s difference to begin with…
Are you implying that the workday doesn’t count for anything? Someone’s gotta bring home the bacon.
When I was in the office, I’d be there for 8 hours, then get home and take over, then also work at night with the baby monitor on. My ex-wife only really had to take care of the baby that 8 hours a day, I handled most of the other 16. Of course she complained that I wasn’t doing anything. So after that I started working from home for my main job as well. After that she only really had to take care of the kids (one mine, one not) for the 3-4 hours a day that I got to sleep.
No. I’m saying that the working partner has a significant gap purely because they are working, so it’s pretty spurious to claim you"re “caring equally”.
Personally I actually cared significantly more on top of being the one who had to work a full-time job and side gigs, but my ex is a unique kind of piece of shit and I’m not trying to insinuate that this is a common experience.
But your original comment sounded like something my ex would say when she still allowed me to go to the office. “Oh you get to take a break for 8 hours.” No I don’t, that’s still work, it’s still very taxing mentally. If you work for 8 hours and then come home to take care of the children for the rest of the evening so your partner can have a break, there’s only one person actually getting a real break. Of course if you come home and drop yourself onto the couch and expect dinner to happen, then it changes who the person getting a break is, but IMO that’s not as common among young families these days, compared to a few decades ago.
You’re srill ascribing your ex a bit here i think. I know what employment is like, i’ve been treadmilling the rat race for nearly 40 years. Why do you feel the need to explain how mentally taxing it can be to another grown adult?
I never said work was a break, or intimated as such - simply stated that a work shift would remove the working partner from childcare for the period of the work day.
I dont think that is true tbh dads nowadays take care of babies as much as moms even after doing job and everything
If you’re ‘doing a job and everything’ then there’s an entire workday’s difference to begin with…
In the context of this thread, you’re very clearly saying that the mom is always doing more because the workday is a vacation for the dad.
If that’s not what you meant, maybe rephrase your comment, because that’s what it reads like and judging by the 10 downvotes (none of which was me), I’m not the only one seeing it that way.
Because ultimately the meme was about moms not getting a break, and if the dad works all day and then goes and takes over the responsibilities at home for the rest of the day, then the mom is the only one ACTUALLY getting a break on any given weekday. And that’s what most, though not all, young fathers seem to be doing these days. Maybe not in your corner of the world or when you were young, but as far as I can see, that’s how it is these days.
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Again, you’re adding the definition of “vacation” to the work day.
I never did that. That’s something you’re inventing when I point out a work days hole in childcare.
(Also i’ve personally been using gender neutral language. Op referred to working dads, but my points extend to any variant of the dynamic across any partnerships where one works ad the other doesn’t)
Downvotes on a thread like this mean nothing, btw - they’re absolute nip to the redpilled trolls.
Ah misandrist memes, just what I needed to cheer myself up.
Next I’ll stop by instagram to see misogynist memes to get my full course.
my favorite part, is it’s never that the author of the meme is the one who just… picks shitty people. It’s always the fault of the entire gender, clearly.
I’ve met plenty of shitty women, men, and trans folks. and plenty of great ones. It’s almost as if being a shitty friend/partner has nothing to do with someone’s sex or gender, and it’s about their actions as an individual person. and frankly, if someone is shitty to you it’s your job to end the relationship, not to continue with it and expect them to be better than they have demonstrated themselves to be. whenever my exes did shitty things, it was over and I’m glad for that because now I don’t have a shitty partner that I married to and full of resentment and frustration that they refuse to take take on their fair share of adult responsibilities, who also resents me for not doing more for them while I was already doing 150%.
and almost like blaming the entire other gender is the point, because it absolves you of the responsibility of your own choices or worse, the blame of your unspoken expectations.
A dude I used to work with left his wife to deal with the newborn.
It was so bad between dayshifts that he used to leave the house at 2am and just sit in a motorway service station with a coffee for a few hours just to get some peace before coming to work.
If I tried that, my other half would stab me in the face.
I think if a face stabbing is the result of doing something like that you have more serious problems…
I mean it’s obviously hyperbole, but as a pregnant woman with a toddler, I’d be absolutely livid to learn my husband was taking hours long coffee breaks while leaving the shared work of child rearing (specifically newborn care) to me alone.
Sleep deprivation will absolutely make you a crazy person, and this dude is just using this torture tactic on her out of laziness and selfishness.
Being livid is one thing, stabbing someone is an entirely different story… Let’s just hope it’s actually hyperbole.
I dunno, my ex was ok with the kids, and I was able to sleep & nurse at the same time (small boobs) but breastfeeding knocked my libido down to less than zero. Usually I run pretty hot, but while nursing it was like I couldn’t care at all about sex, it felt like a chore, and when we did, I had both fear (because childbirth) and had to work just to get to a baseline level of desire at all. I always figured it was a natural birth control thing, nature helping so kids don’t come too close together.
Women do get a shitload more time off work for it than men, so they kinda have to be the one doing most of the childcare regardless of what either parent actually wants.
Friend of ours recently had another child, she is getting most of a year off, he got a couple weeks.
My work gives parental leave based on whether they’re the primary caretaker or the secondary one. The primary gets 6 months, the secondary gets 3.
What decider whether you’re primary or secondary? Simple. If your partner is taking more than 3 months they’re primary.
What this means in practice is that for US-based employees pretty much everyone at my company is the primary caretaker since few people’s spouses even have the option for more than 3 months.
You can just lie, no? My employer doesn’t get to know the employment status of my spouse; she doesn’t work for them. Seems like an invasion of privacy, but I could be misunderstanding the policy. If both companies have that same policy does it cause an infinite loop? 😆
If both employers have the same policy, one spouse selects primary and the other selects secondary.
Still not understanding what would prevent you from both selecting primary. A US company cannot reach into a whole other company’s employee records, right? Not without you volunteering that info. I suppose it might be legal to require that info as a condition of that specific type of leave, knowing the US lol. Or if the leave is arranged through the state or shared third-party HR platform I could see how that might automatically sync up.
I just am having trouble trying to imagine giving that level of detail voluntarily unless my arm was twisted. The place I work for barely knows my wife and kid exist because they’re on my insurance plan, tax docs, etc. They don’t know if my wife even works at all, nevermind for whom and how much time off she’s taking from that.
Here in Denmark people believe in shared parenting, so both parents get leave. “Parental leave” as opposed to “maternal” or “paternal” leave.
Yeah a few countries are more equal, of course you also have some that equally tell you to get fucked.
That’s a couple of weeks more than I ever got.
Same. I got my PTO requests approved for the day of the delivery and the day after, but “they couldn’t spare me for a third day”
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Sure, but then don’t be surprised at the other person doing less of the childcare when they have to go back to work almost straight away.
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Ehh, at that point it is going to vary so much by relationship, lifestyle and work its hard to really say.
Is your job easier or harder than raising kids? While I haven’t raised kids I have hung out with people who have them, pretty sure I have worked jobs that are much harder but currently do one that is much easier.
That’s nonsense. Raising young kids is more work than most jobs, sure. But that’s not because it has equal work density. It’s an exhausting 20h/day 7d/week low-med effort task. A job is a 8-12h/day 5-6d/wk med-high energy task. Miss me with that 50/50 as soon as you come home crap. That’s a ridiculous goal. Not to mention you shouldn’t be wasting time making a mental accounting spreadsheet to figure out if your partner did enough work to deserve sex that day.
Ideally everyone should have put in the same effort into the day and both partners should have the same energy level going to bed. Some days you both fall asleep dead, knowing you’ll wake up in two hours with the baby crying. Some days you get to bed with a little extra energy and the baby is sleeping through the night and maybe you have to think of something to do with that extra energy.
It’s obvious you’ll have less sex with a tiny baby just from the exhaustion, but if you’re wasting energy resenting eachother because of low effort, unrealistic expectations, or withholding sex, then maybe y’all need to consider whether you need to work on your relationship or look for another one. Because some of what I’ve read in this thread on both sides sounds more exhausting than single parenting 50% of the time and working a full time job.
This is a crazy take. My toddler is absolutely more work than any other job I’ve ever worked and I’ve done office work, physical labor, heck even childcare! If you give two shits about your kid, and follow modern childcare standards, childcare is a very taxing job. If you’re a crappy parent who just lets the kid eat fruit snacks and watch TV maybe it’s easier than whatever job the other parent has, but my husband works blue collar and we both agree that often my job is more taxing. He absolutely picks up 50% or more of the work when he comes home, and on weekends. When he burns out he gets a break, and when I burn out I get a break. We’re actually a team.
I want sex more than he does because I’m well taken care of, and he’s equally exhausted from helping. Literally cannot imagine saying no thanks if sex is on the table cause also, when a man is generous and equitable with his labor in life, that also spills over to how generous and equitable he is in bed.
I mean it looks like you two are living by the fall asleep with the same energy playbook so good work! At least you’re using some good tag team logic. I love the collaboration.
Completely anecdotal and privileged: my desk job was so much less dense than child care that going to work felt like a break when we had babies. Not to imply anything bad about anybody! But the mental accounting isn’t just unhealthy, it’s impossible because you don’t know how hard someone else’s subjective experience is.
The job wasn’t even good! It was galling and crushing. But at least I knew what was happening that day and could influence it somewhat.
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“She wanted a divorce out of nowhere!” - Every deadbeat dad.
This was funny like 60 years ago
I always wonder what kind of point one wishes to make and what kind of responds they expect.
with this post?
it’s rage bait. they want to get engagement by playing into grievance stereotypes. and people are happy to respond with either their bias confirmation or their counter-argument.
it’s trolling, essentially.
I wish I could say this wasn’t my exact experience.
Tack on the lack of any romantic overtures and it’s pretty much how it went though.The bottom panel is absolutely correct, except for the “never get married” bit. Just that chapter is wild. Not for the faint of heart but can recommend.
Men, if you don’t want kids, get your tubes tied. Most insurances cover it. Just do it. Don’t wait for the “right time”, just get it done.
I got snipped on a valentines day because they had lots of openings. This was after we had been together for three years and decided kids weren’t an option for us. Haven’t regretted it. Next year will be our 20th anniversary.
