Obviously fake and gay as fuck.
However, there’s a lot of men that have never felt safe enough to do that with anyone. As we need it, badly, sometimes.
I cried the first time a gf was nice to me regularly.
I had some fucked up relationships. I’m doing good now though.
Feeling lonely sucks, but man, whenever I’m listening to some people talk about past relationships they’ve been in, I end up feeling happy it hasn’t happened yet.
I blame my parents. They have such an amazing mutually respectful, supportive and loving marriage that it has set an impossible standard for me to realize.
I wish media depicted more healthy relationships.
Half of people don’t seem to even have an idea of what mundane everyday loving behaviour actually looks like. And the other half does know, but fetishise unhealthy bullshit. (TBH I do too, but I want to engage in it playfully, not full on I will now proceed to straight up destroy you emotionally that I’ve run into with some people. )
I wish media depicted more healthy relationships.
And when they do they often portray them as effortless “found my soulmate” kind of relationships which is not how the real world works. Even if you have an amazing partner you need to put in effort to be an amazing partner to them yourself.
The fairy tale love affairs of fictional people hardly ever linger on the “mundane everyday loving behaviour” that I consider core to a functioning relationship.
I literally put that crap in the trash right along with the depictions of dysfunctional relationships in media.
Depictions of happy relationships, are not automatically depictions of healthy relationships.
That’s why I like the series Heartbreaker so much. It shows healthy relationships, and it also shows how hard relationships (and life in general) can still be.
My parents are the complete opposite of yours and I always felt like I had no role model to imitate. The thing is, you have to find your own way. And the one thing all parents need to teach their kids is independent thinking. Unfortunately, that also makes them harder to control, so many parents work actively against that.
The one imposing the standard is entirely me. My parents deliberately STEPPED AWAY from controlling me and my siblings lives as we came into adulthood. They’re incredible.
Today we all treat each other like adults, (and humor mom by allowing her to baby us a bit) they’ve completely stepped down from being controlling influences in our lives. They advise, show concern, and voice opinions, but since turning 18, they’ve never once acted like we can’t do as we please.
The way the acted towards us and each other left a huge impression. As I’ve gone on to live life I’ve truly come to realize and appreciate my parents are 2 in a million. I didn’t realize the significance of it while growing up, but thinking back now, the things they did blow me away. Like who makes a point of explaining each mistake they’ve made raising someone, as they realize what they were, TO that someone, and apologizing for them openly?!
I think it’s actually made me and my siblings easier to control, we always listen if they have something to say, because we all see that they’re two of the wisest people we’ll ever know.
Who is y’all datin
No one and probably won’t any time soon for a plethora of reasons. When I hooked up with a guy for the first time he really made me feel attractive and wanted and I almost broke down too. Terrible self-esteem and being starved for affection is a rough time.
Well fuck, that’s rough. Take a bit to find out why and work on it. Best of luck to you
Oh I know why, it’s not like I couldn’t find a relationship if I tried, it’s that I think I’d be a terrible partner and my presence in someone’s life would make it worse and I’m not willing to do that to someone. Struggling incredibly with ADHD and I don’t think I’d be able to give a partner the proper time and attention due to the need to shovel stimulation into the black hole that is my brain, and I have bad depressive crashes, much worse than the baseline misery, that no one can help with and make people who care about me feel bad and guilty about not being able to help. Things have to improve a lot for me to seriously consider dating, and at this point I know better than to think that could happen.
Gotta work on it. There’s someone for you, I know it’s cheesy as hell, but theres a ton of us and all of us get lonely and have the same issues give or take.
Plenty of toxic women out there.
There are plenty of foods I don’t like, I avoid em
You’re very smart. Often you don’t know until it’s too late and then getting out of that situation isn’t easy.
Be honest with yourself and your partner in what you want. If those boundaries are crossed, dip.
As a level 1 autistic man, I’m a magnet for toxic women. It’s like they hunt for guys like me. It takes me a really long time around a woman before I drop my guard.
Is level 1 high or low?
It’s right next to level 2.
This helped everyone. Thank you.
It’s the autism that may be maskable to an extent and the person is more independent than levels 2 & 3. It used to be called Asperger’s.
I never knew there were official levels I assumed you were using a self assessed scale.
Yeah, 3 levels. They vaguely communicate how much support the person needs with one being the least support and 3 being needing relatively the most.
Maaaaate same. There was this one girl I dated whom I’ve told I just don’t feel like doing what she felt like doing that night and she said “Alright, we can just watch some more eps of <show we were watching>” and I broke down right there and then.
I ended up forcing my own options on her which isn’t healthy in itself but we could and can talk about this and it’s so weird.
I’m glad you’ve found some change. And I’m glad you have had someone give you that comfort.
Can confirm, lived my life as a guy 20yrs online, 30irl. Almost cried the first time someone held me. Wasn’t even romantic, just platonic. I swear half of the world’s problems would be solved if people were more accepting of men sharing physical affection.
Ain’t that the damn truth.
I’ve always been lucky to have partners and friends that were awesome about physical comfort and affection. But there’s been times they weren’t available, and it’s the worst damn feeling to need that damn hug when you’re falling apart, and not having it.
It’s why I’ll never, ever turn my back on someone needing it, even if I don’t like them. Some things are just too damn important to hold back.
Honestly, it’s the only thing I miss as middle aged single dad not dating. Someone to rub my hair while I cry in their lap. Nobody’s taken care of me in decades. I’ve got a lot to cry about. Kinda sucks. Anyway… Back to manning up and working to exhaustion another few decades.
Fwiw, even if you don’t have access to a good comfort companion, you deserve it.
Thanks! We just lost our only free roaming pet so when the kid is away it’s even emptier. I used to put my head on our cat’s furry belly as she purred and stretched, laid her chin on my arm it hand to keep me there. She always knew… Saunter from across the house, hop on the bed, start kneading, settle in for a cuddle… like she could hear my pulse and breathing change in her sleep several rooms away. Having said that, writing this response to your comment made me realize maybe I’ve been reaching out to start dating bc without the kitty crutch, I’m feeling I need that satisfaction from an actual human? 🤷
As much as we can love animals, and they us, it isn’t the same. It would be nice if it did fully fill that hole we have where another person should be. They try, that’s for sure, but it just isn’t the same.
It really sucks extra when you lose that animal though. When we lost our dog, if I hadn’t had my wife and kid, I would have eaten a bullet. No exaggeration, until I got married, that dog was my reason to make it another day. She would know when it was close, and wouldn’t let me do anything at all until I pulled back from the edge.
I’m lucky. So damn lucky.
You’ll find someone. A good dad, a person that’s open to that kind of intimacy and trust? Anyone you run across would be lucky to have you.
But, the balls didn’t touch.
If the balls don’t touch, you’re doing it wrong
Straightest thing I’ve ever heard.
Ikr?
and gay as fuck.
What why? And you have something against gay?
Yeah, you’re missing the meme of it all.
While it may seem counterintuitive, the 4chan meme of any post being gay helps. If everything is gay, there’s nothing wrong with gay at all. Besides, have you got any close friends under about 30? The entire usage of gay as an insult has essentially disappeared because it’s been reclaimed by young gay folks. They’ve successfully taken it and made it a positive thing.
Back maybe ten, fifteen years ago, what were then gay kids started using it in an ironic way. They’d be gaming or whatever, and someone would do something cool, and another would say, that’s great, but you’re totally gay. Back and forth like that.
Having grown up in an era where it was commonly an insult to be called gay, then seeing gay people gain access to their rights as fellow citizens, and then take old slurs and strip them of much or all of their power, it’s beautiful. There was a time I would have made the same assumption you did. I’d have jumped all over someone saying the same thing.
But now? It’s a celebration of gayness. It’s saying that everything is gay, and that’s fabulous as fuck. Gay isn’t just okay, it’s a thing we accept as commonplace.
When I use it in the context of greentext, it’s recognizing that the assholes of 4chan lost. They didn’t get to keep the word and use it as a bad thing. It got taken from the bigots after lifetimes of use as a word of oppression, and that’s such a victory that it deserves celebrating by using it in this way.
Seriously, if you get a chance to hang around some younger LGBTQ people, take it. They’re the generations raised where being “gay” isn’t some horrible secret, it isn’t a doom of shame that you have to hide at all times. You sit around, or go shooting with, or whatever, and these folks are just casual about it. Hell, I’ve run into groups that are using f×g the same way here and there. Not as common for sure, but it happens.
Obviously, if the context is such that it’s being used as a slur, or even just derogatorily, the person doing so is an asshole. But that’s the key, they aren’t the ones with the power over the word now! The assholes and bigots are the ones that are treated with contempt and derision when they use the word. It really is fucking glorious, beautiful to see.
Man, I used to bounce at a drag club. I had to literally fight to keep the patrons safe from direct physical attack. Seeing the word gay become a term of endearment? I can’t describe how happy that makes me. I hear my kid’s gay friends laughing and throwing it around at school, openly and nobody bats an eye because the power of it too be used as a weapon is finally gone. It fills me with joy to have lived long enough to see it happen. I’m typing this and crying thinking about it.
They’re gay, I’m gay, you’re gay, everyone is gay, and it’s fucking amazing :)
I lost a partner doing that. Like flipping a switch, any interest in me was gone. Was struggling with depression, we knew eachother for a very long time, even dated in the past. Oh well.
Patriarchy seeps into women too
Tons of southern women would literally lose their entire identity if their patriarchy disappeared tomorrow
Luckily they can build a better one
I don’t think it’s still called a patriarchy if they build it
I meant an identity
Handmaids are totally feminist
Yeah patriarchy is a system and it poisons us all. Never stop being open to being vulnerable. It’s just unfortunate that some view it as weakness.
I wouldn’t call it that. In the end, you aren’t responsible for what you like or dislike. And once you find someones “ick” that you can’t deal with, it’s hard to get over it. I have a bunch of those - racism, unwilingness to learn, regular smoking. Theirs was just “man crying”. Also, there is crying and then there is holding in emotions and exploding. Sadly, I’m guilty of the latter. I don’t really blame them, rather I feel disappointed more than anything.
Having an ick for a loved one opening up to you is a red line for me. Not really justifiable by personal preferenze, but i understand your reasoning
Fucking same, had just lost a mother figure my grand mother who I grow up with, never dealt with loss and had other things come into my life that exacerbated the situation. Anyway my ex split with me.
Sucked as I was there throughout her losses. Silver lining she was an enabler who had me drinking more, not working out. and now I am healthier inside and out, taken on therapy which has allowed me to face my demons.
Quote from my ex: “I like you more when you drank.”
My exwife of 18 years dumped me when I went into a period of depression, fueled by the death of my father and a business failure. As soon as I ceased to be the rock, I became value less.
I had been there for her for two serious bouts of depression.
I have heard of similar things from friends. Men are not allowed to show weakness. Remember men were not supposed to cry until recently.
Wish me luck. My grandmother died last year. Lived with her for more years than i didnt. Spent the last 10 years watching her slip into the madness of dementia and alzhemiers not knowing what the hell im doing while her retired children enjoyed their retirement largely being absent. I had my younger brother with me thankfully, but we didnt know what the hell we were doing but we did our best.
My uncles put the house up for sale as quick as they could and forced us to move out inside a couple of months while we both had significant events at work that was causing us both to work overtime daily, and i work 6 days a week most weeks. I make 27 dollars now an hour, dont get paid overtime.
Therea tons of other things as well, but the closest thing to a father ive ever had threw me and my brother away after leaving the care of their own mother in our completely untrained hands for over a decade.
I understand blood feuds in a way i never thought possible on such a personal level
That’s awful hope you and your brother can grieve in piece.
Good on you. Into the gym for health
Sorry, that honestly really sucks of them.
Allowing oneself to be vulnerable is one of the greater signs of trust I can think of.
Whenever someone in my life opens up or shows vulnerability, I’m mostly honored that they trusted me enough.
Especially someone you’ve known a while.I hope you find someone in life where you can be open without strict roles and expectations.
I cried the other day, and my wife laughed at me as the tears rolled down my face.
Of course, I was waking up from a colonoscopy and crying about the fact that McDonald’s doesn’t serve Big Macs at 9:30am.
Huh, interesting that Australian McDonald’s has you beat in this regard. We have an “all day menu” where you can get big Mac, cheeseburger and chicken burger any time of day, and an “extended breakfast” menu where you can get Bacon & Egg McMuffin, Sausage & Egg McMuffin, Chicken McMuffin and Sausage McMuffin any time of day.
i’ve lived in australia my whole life and i’ve never heard of “australian mcdonalds”
thats maccas, mate
/s im just being silly
I was about to say, “you’re thinking about Maccas, mate.”
You can’t get chicken before 11am anywhere where I live. I tried.
LOL
Green text, but men’s health is a disaster and this has been me in the past before therapy and meds.
To be fair though I have several lifelong comorbid depression and anxiety disorders that I didn’t get treated until I was 30. No 7 year old should have to be be suicidal.
I wonder how many other men are similar but never get treatment? Too many.
Yeah I know typically we’re all here for a laugh, but I genuinely can’t bring myself to make light of stuff like this.
There are millions of men in the world whose lives would likely be revolutionised if they had someone they felt this secure and safe with.
But our modern society doesn’t reward (and in most cases, actively punishes) emotional vulnerability in men, so instead many of us either lean into toxic masculinity or drown in our depression. Sometimes both.
I’m fortunate enough that I do in fact have someone in my life who I could be this vulnerable with, should I be so inclined, but I also acutely remember the days when this was exactly what I craved in life and thought I would never have, and the suffocating feeling of isolation as a result.
I hope things change.
Emotional vulnerability comes later in a relationship. These people arent failing to get in a relationship due to no emotional vulnerability it’s because they are socially stunted with obscure hobbies and humor that’s incredibly jarring to most people.
Yeah I was fwb with a guy for a couple of years and it was very clear that one of the benefits he enjoyed most was using me as an unpaid therapist.
I’m not saying this to complain, I’m saying that a lot of men only seem to be comfortable talking about emotions with someone they’re having sex with.
Yeah I was fwb with a guy for a couple of years and it was very clear that one of the benefits he enjoyed most was using me as an unpaid therapist.
FRIENDS with benefits
JFC, what do you say when the friends that don’t bang you come to with emotional problems, laugh in their face?
Friends with benefits implies sex without the emotional baggage found in a relationship. Or at least that’s how I understand it.
I didn’t know until I was 28. I’m on a wait-list for ADHD assessment now
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Uh oh I’m on citalopram. I was in therapy. I was successfully discharged. Do you have any links to research for the prefrontal cortex stuff
Therapy would honestly do me good, I need somewhere to talk to where the recipient would keep it at least anonymous away from people I know and give me advice that they are literally trained to do
Fake: Anon is in a loving relationship. Gay: Anon never states that they are a woman.
Anon never stated that they were female…
The man living the dream
This is why you should always ugly cry on the first date, to establish whether they’re gf material.
Pick Up Parkour Artist… The most convoluted way to get into her/his pants.
It’s not her pants I’m aiming for, damn you, it’s empathy and headpats! Can’t a man crave headpats from a pretty girl? 😭
Nope, only pants.
Should I have added /s ?
Gotta set the tone, boys! Let’s set the tone in here, now!
I hope the replies to this were just as comforting and wholesome as the post itself.
checks website
I have bad news for you man
Fake and gay
I don’t get it, where’s the fake and gay?
Fake: there are no girls on the internet
Gay: anon has a boyfriend
I never really connected past a surface level relationship, the blame is on me, I had both men and women who took interest in me but I never followed it up with interest in them, neither did I attempt to interact with them
I probably should’ve, taken a day and went to a small restaurant to talk and chill, would’ve been very possible and easy too. Istanbul has great metro tram and bus routes.
Honestly, if you’re in a similar situation as I am, just give it a shot
İnvite a friend over to eat at a fast food place, if you’re talking to a person of your interest then take a small risk and try to put events together with them
Put color into your life, try to live less safe be more risky, even if you fuck something up so bad as to cause a break in a relationship it would only be something you would regret for a year rather than a lifetime
Wall of text so that I give myself a life lesson
On another note, maybe this is why it’s good to have a journal and write about stuff.
TL:DR take risks, break off from single tone life, make closer bonds with small strides even with risk involved
Wholesome.
What they forgot to ask was if he was crying because he is there against his will? This is 4chan, after all.
Wholesome
How do you know anon is a girl?
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