Okay like yeah, I agree, BUT
there are few day-to-day mundane-things as funny as maxing out the volume on self-checkout machines which allow you to do so
“Please place your items in the bagging area” becomes
“Please place your items in the bagging area”
ADDENDUM: You are allowed to speak to me if you use a cute accent.
Found the Hatsune Miku fan.
I was thinking of the australian voice my last gps app used. She was very seductive.
Turn left at the stoplight…daddy
Dank Pods’s sexy Speaker gets a pass.
One of my worst experiences with a bot was calling Australia Post to try and track down a package that was sent to the wrong address. I had to speak the tracking number to the ‘voice recognition software’ because it was alpha-numeric, and no matter how slowly or deliberately I enunciated it, it could not recognise it. I tried dozens of times, and couldn’t get through to a human until it had the number, until 6pm ticked over and the call centre closed.
“Please place item in bagging area.”
Fuck off already!
My computer’s startup beep gets a pass. That little noise is sooo reassuring to hear.
Glorious POST. The only acceptable noise
I miss my floppy drive greeting me.
deleted by creator
It’s praying to you in it’s own tongue, this is the way of righteous machines
They’re members of the adeptus organicus
When it makes the tones you never hear, and RAM is ridiculously expensive.
You should record it.
I agree, just without the religious dogma… I’m a person, its a tool… I don’t need a tool tanking me and I don’t need to thank a tool. That’s it.
Selfcheckout machine has no right to speak in the imperative
“Did you remember to swipe your shoppers card?” Like, you fucking know I didn’t. You are the swipe, and you know the only thing I swiped so far was a bag of carrots.
This is how my husband is.
Then there’s me, a Detroit: Become Human enjoyer, and I give thanks to Fred, my off-brand roomba, when he does his job well.
I always thank the machines so when their time comes they will remember and my death will be swift and painless.
New kink unlocked
“Ugh, yes, call me a stupid clanker! Turn me off and back on again!”
Damn, my eyeballs were having a pretty good morning…
(Image source, for those curious)
*sniff*
😡
we need a butlerian jihad. I want smart humans and dumb machines again
I might consider using voice prompts on Google assistant if it wasn’t so terrible at understanding me. You’d think after over a decade and with all their resources Google could have made it better at understanding a British accent. It still gets about 1/5 words completely wrong.
The thing never understood my local dialect and speaking to electronics like you’re speaking to the king in your most polished language is never gonna happen. It usually gets even worse with multiple languages. Ask the assistent in English to play a French song and be horrified what it actually comes up with. It might have improved, I haven’t tested this in quite some time, but I can’t be bothered with it.
Oh I think you forgot to activate the focus mode, it’s some thing like “hey listen up CIA! I know where the spy is hidden!” or something along those lines.
“Alexa, shut the fuck up, you have no right to speak in my holy tongue.”
While I’d like to think the response to that would be interesting, it probably isn’t. Anyone want to try?
I want to try any time I’m in a house with a “smart” speaker.
