Sounds like a great way to fake your death. The only problem is that everyone will think you died driving a Tesla.
Good point. Back to the drawing board.
No one’s going to believe a drawing board disappeared a body.
Ehhh, you’d be surprised what the modern drawing board can do.
I present you the drAIwing board, our latest break through!
It… also costs
100kEdit: sorry, sorry, 70k — much better
I mean if you’re faking your death I don’t think you’re planning on paying off the loan
Yeah, I guess that’s true
Make sure you take appropriate steps to insulate your spouse or family from the debt, depending on your local laws.
you’re right. no one would believe that
Or dispose of evidence.
Or BOTH !
He says the trucks are “apocalypse-proof” and claims they can withstand bullets and have “armor glass” windows.
They also withstand emergency responders and the occupant’s attempts to escape.
Chances of you experiencing the apocalypse - Zero
Chances you will get trapped in an Cybercuck and be unable to get out - Not zero
Elon is building both the “apocalypse-proof” (they are not) truck and the apocalypse (he really is)
When they say “apocalypse-proof”, what they actually mean is that the pedestrians outside are protected from the localised internal apocalypse occurring within the vehicle.
And the apocalypse will have working charging stations.
Will a tesla even start if the internet is down?
Jokes aside. You can build you own solar charging station for a few grand.
Not a lot of people can build their own oil extraction and refinement system in their backyard.
On the flip side, might be a good time for everyone to learn about wood gasifiers.
Let’s face face it. The most likely apocalypse is an economic crash brought on by the kind of crop of idiots. Not sure how a car is going to help with that.
He meant apocalypse proof from the INSIDE, duh ! If all hell breaks loose inside, it won’t get out, and neither will you !
Don’t Teslas have the highest crash fatality stats on the road or something? Terrible company.
Cybertrucks are 17 times more likely to kill you in a fiery way than the Ford Pinto, the previous record holder.
https://www.motherjones.com/politics/2025/02/report-cybertruck-safety-ford-pinto/
I’m not in any way trying to downplay how bad the cyber-dumpster is, but is that an adequate sample size to extrapolate the fiery-death rate? The article says 17 times the rate of the Pinto, but it was only 5 total fires.
I mean they made millions of Pintos so yeah
Different person, but the Pinto controversy was overblown. Media hype made it an issue when it had similar incident rates with other vehicles at the time.
Ford Pinto - Wikipedia https://share.google/A9xMle5N02j1gPmCl
The biggest issue with the Pinto was not the Pinto itself, it was how Ford discussed the potential issues with it internally. It was their very well documented preference for money over protecting human life that caused the controversy.
We know this really happens all the time, at all companies and in all industries, but Ford was punished for saying the quiet part out loud (amongst themselves) and getting caught doing it. We are all supposed to at least put on a show of human lives being more important than money, and Ford failed to put on the show, and for that they were punished.
We still don’t care about human life, but at least we all felt better about it afterwards.
There’s an episode of Swindled all about how Ford knew this was a flaw and allowed it to happen so that they could compete in the lower end market.
huh, TIL. Thanks!
So it’s just 17 times more likely to burn you to death than average cars.
Average car of the 1970s.
With 'murican healthcare prices the fatality rate is a feature.
You even get a free cremation. Saves time and money!
God bless the free market
But maybe they have the lowest crash rate?
So like, crashes cost money right? Someone is responsible. Someone has to pay.
But if everyone dies in an inferno, then nobody is responsible. Who can pay? They’re all dead! What medical bills? What repairs? It’s all a write off.
Sounds like a high mortality rate with low accident rate is an absolute profitable win! Free market baby!According to the article they have higher crash rates and fatalities because the drivers are worse. The cars themselves actually rate fairly high in safety standards.
That being said, I think the safety evaluations are flawed and don’t consider things like electronic locks.
I can’t fathom having my husband burn to death so badly that he’s just … evaporated. But then again I can’t imagine my husband ever wanting a cybercuck so there’s also that.
I can’t imagine my husband.
My wife and I are in need of a truck since we moved to a rural area and need one for stuff like trash disposal and whatnot. We’ve decided to get something practical like a hundai santafe or honda ridgeline
Comment of the week right here Username makes it even better
Do either of those evaporate your bones?
Sadly, no
deleted by creator
Free cremation — it’s a service!
You could almost say it’s like being put into an oven.
I mean you can just say that if you really want
CaaS
Feature, not a bug.
It will be monetised soon enough
Popup on the screen:
Your Tesla is on fire, escape is no longer possible as your subscription to “Escape Hatch” has expired. In order to enable “FlameOn ™ mode” for rapid immolation, please approve the one time payment of $4,206.90
ouch oof my bones
You have 30 seconds to escape your car
You have 10 seconds
Your car has been incinerated
Your car has burned your bones to ash
You have 30 minutes to collect your ash
The Ford Pinto wishes it was this deadly…
I daily a Fiero and don’t think even at its worst point people burned inside trapped without handles.
I think your fiero is from the post-Nader era in u.s. car manufacturing.
designed during, built after yes.
I kinda love the Fiero tbh
Oh same, but they are not well built and the iron duke is shit. I have to have 3 of them to keep one on the road working. at least they are good on gas. One day I might do an EV conversion.
I wonder if the 2.2l from an S10 could be swapped in? Like an LS swap but more pathetic.
Likely but depends on the era. I wanted to do a TDI swap but it’s like building a fiero onto a jetta more then an engine swap.
Cremation is a new feature. It’ll be an extra $2500 and comes with a decision engine on whether you should live or die (door unlocking). Tesla knows, trust Elon.
its also a 100k coffin with a built in charcuterie machine, that can slice VENISON in half.
That’s what futuristic hidden door handles get you. Nice and crispy.
Not all of them act the same way. We have the hidden handles on our 26 Equinox EV but it still pivots open if you press on the opposite side of pulling to act as a normal handle.
“Burned into a charcoal because noone around knew how to sodomize door handle into cooperation.” Would fit well on the tombstone
That’s a similar method to the Tesla Model 3 and Y.
The S and X had motorized handles that retracted.
The Cybertruck has no physical handles on the outside. It has a button on the B pillar that activates an electric release to pop the door open.
All of those methods are flush, but only one isn’t visible to rescuers and can completely fail with a lack of power or motor failure with no physical external backup option.
self-cleaning/pyrolytic oven on wheels
creep cremator
Disposable too
When we finally start eating the rich, we will have readily available fires to cook them over.
Wasnt there a maga dude that blew up his cybertruck in front of a hotel?
So much has happened last few years…
cybertruck is a built in crematorium and Coffin at the same time,elon makes nazi impressed.
Cant wait til they start taking volunteers for the Mars rocket
Mars project cancelled, now aiming for
moonNebraska.
The cybertruck actually burns so hot it destroys your soul. No afterlife for you!
Yeah, that happens at purchase.
Well, see, that’s what you get for being a poor.
Solution is simple, you must buy the optional $700 Cyberhammer to bash out the glass (not a joke, there really is a cyber hammer for $700).
Elon’s got it all figured out, 8D chess losers
Wasn’t the point that the cyber hammer couldn’t hurt the truck?
