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BonesOfTheMoon@lemmy.world to Lemmy Shitpost@lemmy.world · 15 hours ago

Don't tell me what to do.

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Don't tell me what to do.

lemmy.world

BonesOfTheMoon@lemmy.world to Lemmy Shitpost@lemmy.world · 15 hours ago
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  • elevenbones@sh.itjust.works
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    17 minutes ago

    Yeah probably the same “doctors” that give vaccines and think covid is real 😳

  • barneypiccolo@lemm.ee
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    1 hour ago

    Several years back, I went to the store at the beginning of summer to get some foam pool noodles for the pool. I couldn’t find them anywhere, not even Walmart.

    The next spring, they were everywhere, but they all included a tag or sticker that read “Not to be inserted rectally.”

    So we had to go a summer without pool noodles so the government regulators could protect us against some butt stuff some weirdo tried.

    • Anomalocaris@lemm.ee
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      53 minutes ago

      if you can shove a pool noodle up yer arse, I don’t think the government should tell you not too

      • barneypiccolo@lemm.ee
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        48 minutes ago

        SOMEBODY should tell you not to!

        • Anomalocaris@lemm.ee
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          24 minutes ago

          you just did, and that’s enough.

          if you don’t mind me, I’m going to get a pool noodle for research

          • barneypiccolo@lemm.ee
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            8 minutes ago

            Well, have fun.

  • Estradiol Enjoyer @lemmy.blahaj.zone
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    2 hours ago

    they are going that way anyway, why not have a couple take a shortcut

  • some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org
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    3 hours ago

    A spring roll a day…

  • Caveman@lemmy.world
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    3 hours ago

    “Breaking news”

  • MacN'Cheezus@lemmy.today
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    1 hour ago

    This is why we can’t have free healthcare.

  • GooberEar@lemmy.wtf
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    5 hours ago

    First they told us not to eat the yellow snow, now they’re telling us not to stick spring rolls up our poop chutes. It’s like doctors don’t want us to find any joy in our lives.

    • KingJalopy @lemm.ee
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      3 hours ago

      Or give them reasons to earn money while also telling crazy ass stories to their friends and family. Literally.

  • Honytawk@feddit.nl
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    5 hours ago

    It’s because those doctors already have anal beads in their ass.

  • wanderwisley@lemm.ee
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    7 hours ago

    Bread 🥖

    • KingJalopy @lemm.ee
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      3 hours ago

      What goes up must always come down

  • _AutumnMoon_@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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    7 hours ago

    Well, I wasn’t going to before, but now I am wondering what hidden secrets they are keeping from us??

  • genevieve@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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    11 hours ago

    FLARED. BASE.

    • Machinist@lemmy.world
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      6 hours ago

      Hindsight is always 20/20.

      • FerretyFever0@fedia.io
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        2 hours ago

        Sunglasses? Really? Didn’t have any better objects? C’mon.

      • gravitas_deficiency@sh.itjust.works
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        4 hours ago

        I have so many questions about the train of thought that led to this… situation.

  • Evil_Shrubbery@lemm.ee
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    11 hours ago

    Doctors don’t know what you put in your but if you also shove an apple up there beforehand.

  • Sterile_Technique@lemmy.world
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    12 hours ago

    It’s the fried ones that are the problem: crispy = sharp edges = torn bowel = septic shock = dead.

    The fresh ones with the squishy exterior should feel much more like a penis going into your ass. Choose the sauce carefully - your entire GI tract has receptors sensitive to spiciness.

    • musubibreakfast@lemm.ee
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      2 hours ago

      Best thing to do is just fry the egg rolls inside your bowels. First you coat your lower intestines with aluminum foil, then you shove in the egg rolls and pour in the hot oil.

    • LousyCornMuffins@lemmy.world
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      11 hours ago

      If you want to push the spicy level but not have a visit from Satan’s eyeball, they make this great barrier ointment called Ilex. Just, uh, you have to be careful not to glue your butt cheeks closed to most folk put some Vaseline on afters. Who knows, maybe they’ve fixed that but i last used it regularly when I wanted to belong to the nuclear taco club but couldn’t get Thursdays off, it’s been a minute.

      • GooberEar@lemmy.wtf
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        5 hours ago

        First they invented great barrier reef, now they make great barrier ointment. My God what horrors and highlights, the hubris of humankind.

  • TropicalDingdong@lemmy.world
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    15 hours ago

    • aeronmelon@lemmy.world
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      8 hours ago

      Chaotic Good Karen.

    • FartsWithAnAccent@fedia.io
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      14 hours ago

      Hey it’s Cheryl or Charlene or Carina or whatever…

      • loweffortname@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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        12 hours ago

        It’s CRYS-TAL!

  • FancyPantsFIRE@lemmy.world
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    15 hours ago

    “RFK questions guidance on not putting spring rolls up your anus.”

    • Geodad@lemmy.world
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      15 hours ago

      Is that him or the worm talking?

      • MushuChupacabra@lemmy.world
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        14 hours ago

        Maybe the worm likes spring rolls.

    • Onyxonblack@lemmy.zip
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      11 hours ago

      I’m not watching him and his grandchildren do this on live TV…

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