I get it, I absolutely respect someone wanting to be safe, but i think it would also absolutely ruin the date for me. I just can’t really interact the same way in a group as I do one on one. Either that, or I’d end upv mirroring both of them simultaneously and it would end up in a throuple.
I respect it, but i don’t get it, and it would be a complete deal breaker for me. What do you think a person on a date in a public place is gonna do to you?
right, this is basically saying “i don’t trust you not to spike my drink, take me to a second location, and rape me”
and maybe you shouldn’t be online dating at all if that’s where you start out from
But even then, no one needs to ask you out on a date to do that. Any time you go out in public by yourself that could happen just as easily. If you’re that unreasonably fearful then i don’t want to spend time with you
throuple goals!
throuple
Threesome. Corrected for you.
throuple : threesome :: couple : hook-up
is this valid C code?
nope, it’s the verbal analogy puzzle format used by tests like the SAT.
This is very common in Asia. The first few (not) dates they bring friends and you can too. Eventually, she gives an indication that she wants to do something alone with you and that’s when the real dates begin.
You make a good point, but considering that the conversation is in English I don’t think you’d be too far out of the pale to assume that this is not in Asia, and in most English-speaking countries it’s not common to go on group dates before going on individual dates.
It does happen, and quite a bit, but not to the point where it’s common, I would say it’s at the very most uncommon.
This is the way.
I mean we have those too, they’re called double dates. Would have been less awkward if the lady here asked for one of those.
Double dates aware there is two couples. This sounds more like she wants to bring her friend on to make her feel more comfortable on a first date.
If you wanna be my lover…
Guy friends in asian also hold hands and hang on each others arms. Not really something you see in the west
Arranged marriage is also common in Asia
What an unprovoked comment.
Wherever you live, there are also many cultural issues that are equally unrelated to what I said.
This reeks of casual bigotry you should perhaps analyze the thought patterns that lead you to writing this.
If you bring a friend, they better be down for a 3 way if things go well. The only time this hapoened to me, was when two girls invited me to a 3way and then one of them chickened out, then got mad that I still fucked her friend. Like… That was the entire reason I was there!
She got mad because you fucked the wrong friend lol
She should have fucked him first then.
Everybody knows that in relationships it is first come first served.
First come, first served cum
Oddly disturbing
Oddly?
This tracks.
Did the one that chickened out at least watch you fuck the other one?
I had a girl bring a guy friend along on our first date without giving me a heads up for the same reason. I was like, ok that’s a little weird but whatever. I’m certainly not going to give someone shit for doing something that makes them feel comfortable. Ended up chatting it up with the guy friend who turned out to be super cool.
So me and the girl end up seriously dating after a while and she later tells me that she spent most of our first date trying to subtly get her friend to leave so that she could spend more time with me.
Ok thats nice
Lol there’s got to be a term that’s the inverse of cockblocking. Maybe like cockenabling for something.
Wingman is the term you’re looking for.
But in my date’s opinion, he was clam jamming her!
But clam jamming is what you wanted to do, so he was helping,lol.
deleted by creator
I had a girl do that on our first date. She was feeling insecure because she never dated online before. Once she felt comfortable with me, her friends left.
deleted by creator
Like the guy defenitely comes off as a dick but also if you check out conventional social media you will see guys who talk about being expected to pay for not just the girl but also their friend, and you will see girls talk about how if she brings a friend for protection then the guy should pay for the friend too.
So many variables exist that we don’t know but for some people there an expectation that if a girl brings a friend the guy needs to pay for both and I wouldn’t default that to just misogyny
I had girls bring a friend with them when I asked them out on a date and it didn’t even occur to me that I would pay for them. But also I wouldn’t expect the friend to hang around the entire time either, once it turned out I wasn’t trying to hurt anyone they generally went away.
deleted by creator
She NEVER said that she didn’t expect him to pay, she just ignored it, and kept justifying why it was okay to bring her friend. She fully expected him to pay for dinner and drinks for both.
These girls are predators, and they tried to treat him like a chump, and people are pissed because he showed some self-respect.
These girls are predators, and they tried to treat him like a chump
You’ve been successfully baited by a fake screenshot and are displaying misogyny.
It’s not misogyny to recognize and acknowledge that women can be bad people, just like men can be. In fact, recognizing that women are just regular people, is the opposite of misogyny.
I don’t think all women are perfect (and never said such), but this post is 100% a fake screenshot that’s misogynistic rage bait.
Perfect. That’s when you strike
I can almost understand her reaction considering it was an online dating thing
Ive had a couple of times where one of my girl friends has asked me if I could be at a bar they were going on a date at to keep an eye on it in the background. Not like sit down or get to know the guy or anything, just keep an eye out and be there if things go south.
Several times ive known the guy as well. One time I accidentally recruited the date to help me keep an eye on my friend. Had no idea the 2 had never actually met (grew up a grade apart, been in the same social circles for decades)
It wouldn’t bother me if somebody wanted to bring a friend on a date. However, I would communicate that it would change the dynamic into a “hangout” over a traditional “date” for me. The difference being that a date carries romantic intent and a hangout is for the sake of connecting with others without romantic expectations. Also, a hangout means everybody pays for themselves.
This takes the pressure off by lowering the stakes since it’s now just a casual hangout between peers. It also has the benefit of making the third not feel excluded as a third wheel but a welcome part of the group.
Last time a chick brought a friend with her, I got on better with the friend… And I went home with the friend. Pro tip, if youre bringing a friend. Dont make it a friend thats better to talk to than you are.
Or do.
I say get it while you can, you don’t turn your back on love, no no no. -Janis Joplin
I’m cool with someone deciding to do this.
I mean, I’ll decide not to go on the date, but that you do you.
Your lack of ability to judge my character leading up to the date, and the general sense of paranoia leading to a decision like this, aren’t qualities I’m looking for in a partner.
Neither is starting things from a place of outright suspicion. Like. I’m not judging. I just have zero interest.
Neither is starting things from a place of outright suspicion.
I would understand it if they are going to someplace private, like the apartment or a dark alley at midnight, but who the hell goes to those places on a first date? I’m not freaking out about a guy asking me to a coffee date at 1000 hours in the middle of a city on a saturday.
They might’ve had one (or several) bad experiences and this is a trauma response, but even in that case, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to say “yeah sure they’ll pay their own way, I just feel safer if we have a second pair of eyes I trust in the restaurant/cafe/etc with us”. Like, you don’t gotta be at the table, but I kinda get it for the first date or two being “hey I trust this person, mind if they tag along and grab a drink at the bar to be my watchman or whatever”.
You dont even have to ask. Friend can just sit at the bar, or they can bring a second person and just be at a different table. If this is a trauma response, there are ways to make in nonintrusive. Plus, if the other person doesnt know you brought back up, theyre going to be more themselves, and youll see if theyre a sleeze or not sooner. Its not hard to pretend to not be a sleeze while youre being watched then turn it around immediately when youre not.
That’s a personal issue that an individual needs to work out before dating then.
Mature people don’t need to bring a babysitter for their date.
Amen
I had a girl cancel and reschedule our first date shortly before we were supposed to meet up. That date happened, and she confided in me that she’d done that on purpose to gauge my reaction and general demeanor before actually coming out to meet me. I respected that move, and I think I would have been okay with her bringing a friend instead, as long as it was just the once.
Anyway, that was eight years ago, we’re married now.
Nice that it worked out but deception and playing games would be a huge red flag for me. Nothing about that instance in particular, it’s just that I’d always wonder “is this situation for real or another trick?”
Maybe the immediate followup fixes it. You were strangers then after all. And after eight years of course you know what you’re working with haha
Damnit now I’m just rambling to myself, carry on!
Or does he?
Look at this dude… Being happy
Quick! Scan his post and comment history to find something to bring him down!!
Weakness identified!
You’re a dumbass for playing along with such insane bullshit but I’m glad it worked out for you.
I don’t think “begrudging women a single test to see if someone is the type to explode over a single inconvenience” is the right hill to stick your flag on.
Trying to start a relationship by playing games is very much a good place to find red flags.
It might seem like a game to you but that’s someone’s life.
Do you have an alternative for how they should determine if a potential partner is a danger? Besides hiring a private detective or rolling the dice by finding out after they’re invested?
If you can’t trust a stranger even a little bit then don’t date complete strangers. Limit your dating pool to your circle of friends, friends of friends, people you already know or that your friends vouch for.
That is so utterly devoid of empathy that I have nothing left to say to you.
Yeah, lack of empathy on her side, I know. If you think your date is a potential rapist/murderer/… then why are you trying to date them?
“Can I bring a friend?”
“Um, I’d rather they stayed home. And well, I didn’t want to say anything earlier, but I kind of wanted to stay home, too. You have fun though!”
good answer
This happened to me, but we all went back to my apartment and played Smash Bros. I did not get laid and I have no regrets.
Man, I think I’d prefer that outcome. Getting laid is easy compared to finding fun people to game with
What character did you play?
Fox only. No items. Final Destination.
If this had happened to me there’s a zero percent chance I wouldn’t have taken a shot at the threesome at some point.
Opportunities don’t come along like this every day.
deleted by creator
There’s a non insignificant amount of women dating only for free meals, and a lot of them expect men to pay for any number of friends. A lot of guys have opted for lower cost or zero cost first dates, like walks to screen for this.
I’ve never discussed who will pay before a date in my life
Either this person in incredibly tactless or this is some kind of incel meme shitpost.
Either way, whomever is passing it around seems to have a bone to pick.
It wouldn’t even cross my mind as something a woman would assume a date was expected to do.
Idk, really depends on the dynamic between them all. If they’re broke college kids and he’s an older person with a stable job and surplus cash? If he’s picking the restaurant to impress her, knowing she can’t afford it? If he already offered up thread in order to entice her out?
But that makes the “date” feel more like a Sugar Baby relationship than a proper date. Also might explain why she feels the need to bring a friend.
deleted by creator
Anyone afraid to go to an agreed meeting in a public place NEEDING a friend along is beyond weird
The friend isn’t there for when the date is in the public space. The friend is there for after to ensure the girl gets home safe.
Wtf. No. They are just scared.
I think the implied weirdness is that, if you’re scared, why even agree to the date in the first place?
I do not know if you noticed, but people want to date. She probably want to go AND be safe.
Well yeah, but bringing an extra for a dinner date is weird. I’ve brought extra people along to meet the person I’ll be eating with and confirm my location. Having an extra person suddenly in the date dynamic kills the dynamic.
Then just say no and don’t go in a date with her. If her safety is such a big inconvenience for you, it’s not a good match.
It’s ONE date. They are just trying to make sure you are not a rapist. I’d say they are likely to leave as soon as things look like they are going smoothly. Next date she shouldn’t be there. If she is invited again then don’t go. If on a second date she is still not sure if you are dangerous but wants to go out anyway, something might be wrong
Okay, let’s take a step back. I never said it’s an inconvenience, i just said it’s weird. Please don’t assume things about me just because we disagree about something.
I even mentioned alternatives I’ve personally used to ensure my safety AND not change the date dynamic. Everyone should ensure their own safety, and if that’s what it takes for some people then fine but lets not tack on assumptions to force a narrative.
It’s weird to have someone sit in on a dinner date to me. Full stop. Am i gonna trip about it? Probably not. You do you boo.
Grey text is looking out for their safety, good for them. Blue text is clearly communicating their boundaries, good for them. Neither is phrasing their needs as I would, but that’s small potatoes. I’d rather date either of these people than most of the ones replying in this thread.
Who gives out money on a first date? Go have walk somewhere.
You are not wrong. But I think you are being an asshole about it. You could have said “that is cool, but I’m not paying for her food” and is it. No need to be rude.
